ROMEO COATES. This amateur of fashion having finished the character of Romeo, was encared by some of the gallery wags; whereupon the gentleman got up, made his bow, and obligingly repeated the dying speech. A person in the pit remarked, that" Mr Coates was a good Christian, for he was always ready to die."

A FRIENDLY ADVOCATE.

The fat Stephen Kemble was one day met by a friend, who told him he had just been with a person who spoke very contemptuously of his acting. "In short," added he," he said you were not fit. to carry guts to a bear."" Well," said Stephen, "and did not you take my part ?”—“ O, yes, I said you were."

THE THIEF.

I tell, with equal truth and grief,
That little Kate's an arrant thief;
Before the urchin well could go,
She stole the whiteness of the snow:
And more, that whiteness to adorn,
She stole the blushes of the morn
Stole all the softness Ether pours
On primrose buds, in vernal show'rs.

There's no repeating all her wiles,
She stole the graces' winning smiles;
'Twas quickly seen she robb'd the sky,
To plant a star in either eye;
She pilfer'd Orient pearl for teeth,
And stole the cow's ambrosial breath;
The cherry steep'd in morning dew,
Gave moisture to her lips and hue,

These were her infant toils, a store To which, in time, she added more; At twelve she stole from Cyprus' queen Her air, and love-commanding mien; Stole Juno's dignity, and stole

From Pallas, sense to charm the soul;

She sung,amaz'd the Syrens heard,
And to assert their voice, appear'd;
She play'd-the muses, from their bill,
Wonder'd who thus had stole their skill,
Apollo's wit was next her prey,

And then the beans that light the day:
While Jove, her pilf'ring thefts to crown,
Pronounc'd these beauties all her own;
Pardon'd her crimes, and prais'd her art,
Aud t'other day she stole-my heart.

Cupid! if lovers are thy care,
Revenge the vot'ry on the fair;
Do justice on her stolen charms,
And let her prison be-my arms.

CONCEALED AND ASPIRING LOVE.

In some persons love may be said to rage like Hecla. We all know how a poor tailor died for love of Queen Elizabeth; another unhappy wight, bewitched with the love of royalty, conceived, in the year 1788, a violent passion for another Elizabeth, now princess of Homberg, and got into the palace to pay his respects to her royal-highness. His name was Spang, his father a Dane, himself an Englishman and a hair-dresser! But, such is the fate of this sort of love, the friseur was unluckily pronounced insane. And again, in the preceding year, 1787, one Stone, a heavy-looking man, about thirty-three years of age, unfortunately fell in love with the princess-royal of England, afterwards the dowager-queen of Wurtemberg, He said the princess stole his heart from him by looking up at him in the two-shilling gallery at the theatre; but Doctor Monro, who knew less about love than lunacy, decided the business, and poor Stone was sent to Bedlam. Thus we see that even royalty is no bar to the indulgence of the tender passion; for "love has twenty pair of eyes." Who dare venture to state, after this, that, on the other hand, many young maidens have not died for love of some or all of the royal dukes? Some ladies, like the gentle Viola, never tell their love, but let the cankering worm hasten them to the grave. And here, in the other sex, we are reminded of Mr.

Hutton, of Birmingham, who wrote his life and confessions: he was a male Viola, for he let concealment, like a worm, &c. but he shall speak for himself; "Perhaps there is not a human being in existence but sooner or later feels, in some degree, the passion of love. I was struck with a girl, watched her wherever I could, and peeped through the chink of the windows at night. Sheday near my heart eleven years; but I never spoke to her in my whole life, nor was she ever apprised of my passion."

THE UGLY FAMILY.

A gentleman who once sat next to Lord North at the theatre, but with whose person he was unacquainted, enquired, after some preliminary conversation, the name of the lady sitting on the opposite side of the house, adding, that she was the agliest woman he ever beheld. "That," replied his lordship, "is my sister, sir!" Confounded at the error he had committed, the interrogator, stammering, exclaimed, "I do not mean that lady, but the one seated next to her.""Oh," replied Lord North, smiling, "That, sir, is my wife, Lady North, and we are esteemed the ugliest couple in England,”

THE PICTURE OF SLANDER.

What mortal but slander, that serpent, hath stung,
Whose teeth are sharp arrows, a razor her tongue?
The poison of asps her vivid lip loads,
The rattle of snakes with the spittle of toads;
Her throat is an open sepulchre, her legs
Sit hatching of vipers, and cockatrice eggs;
Her sting is a scorpion's; like hyena, she'll cry;
With the ear of an adder, a basilisk's eye;
The mouth of a monkey, the hug of a bear,
The head of a parrot, the chat of a hare;
The wing of a magpie, the snout of a hog,
The feet of a mole, and the tail of a dog;
Her claw is a tyger's, her forehead is brass,
With the hiss of a goose, and the bray of an ass.

The island of Sky has been ravaged by a fend Letween the two mighty powers of Macdonald and Macleod. Macdonald having married a Macleod, upon some discontent dismissed her, perhaps because she brought him no children. Before the reign of James the Fifth, a highland laird made a trial of his wife for a certain time, and, if she did not please him, he was then at liberty to send her away. This, however, must always have offended, and Macleod, resenting the injury, whatever were its circumstances, declared that the wedding had been solemnized without a bonfire, but that the separation should be better illuminated; and, raising a little army, set fire to the territories of Macdonald, who returned the visit and prevailed.

ERRATUM CORRECTED.

NEW WAY TO PAY OLD DEBTS.

"To

EVE'S CURIOSITY.

When Eve would try, but to her cost,

Th' experiment of evil,
That she with gods might wisdom boast,
And cunning with the devil-

Too soon the knowledge she obtain'd;
Too late she curst the prize:
Oh! had she but a fool remain'd,
We should have all been wise.

THE IRISHMAN'S DEATH.

A poor Irishman, who was on his death-bed, and who did not seem quite reconciled to the long journey he was going to take, was kindly consoled by a good-natured friend with the common place reflection, that we must all die once. Why, my dear, now," answered the sick man, "that is the very thing that vexes me; if I could die half-a-dozen times I should not mind it."

A SIMPLE RETORT.

A lawyer of short stature appearing as evidence in one of the courts, was asked by a gigantic counsellor, what profession he was of? and having replied that he was an attorney; "You a lawyer," said the counsellor," why I can put you in my pocket."-" Very likely you may,' was the reply, but if you do, you will have more law in your pocket than in your head.”

WINDOW TAX.

**I wish," said Rigby to Charles Fox, "that you would stand out of my light, or that you had a window in that great belly of your's."-"What," said Charles, "that you night lay an additional tax upon it, I suppose." Is

Guillemette, my sister's bitch." Some time after, having quarrelled with his sister, he collected his poems for re-publication, and inserted among the errata, "For chienne de ma sœur-read ma chienne de sour-For my sister's bitch, read my b-ch of a sister."

ON THE INTENDED DEMOLITION OF FRIAR

BACON'S STUDY, IN OXFORD.
Roger, if with thy magic glasses,
Running, thou seest below what passes,
As when on earth thou didst decry
With them the wonders of the sky-
Look down on yon devoted walls!
Oh! save them e'er thy study falls!
Or to thy vot'ries quick impart
The secret of thy mystic art!
Teach us, ere learning's quite forsaken,
To honour thee, and-save our Bacon.

EQUAL PRIVILEGES.

A naval officer relating his feats to a marshal, said, "that in a sea-fight he had killed 300 men with his own hand."-" And I," said the marshal, "descended through a chimney in Switzerland to visit a pretty girl."—" How could that be ?" said the captain, "since there are no chimnies in that country?" What, sir," said the marshal, have allowed you to kill 300 men in a fight, and surely you may permit me to descend a chimney in Switzerland."

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66

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