in perspective endeavors much to deceive the eye of the law, and gives many false colours. He is specially practised in necromancy, (such a kind as is out of the statute of Primo) by raising many dead questions. What sufficiency he hath in criticisme, the foule copies of his speciall pleas will tell you. Many of the same coat, which are much to be honoured, partake of divers of his indifferent qualities: but so, that discretion, vertue, and sometimes other good learning, concurring and distinguishing ornaments to them, make them as a foyle to set their worth on. A meere Scholer. MEERE scholer is an intelligible asse: or a silly fellow in blacke, that speaks sentences more familiarly than sense. The antiquity of his University is his creed, and the excellency of his Colledge (though but for a match at foot-ball) an article of his faith: he speakes Latin better then his mother-tongue; and is a stranger in no part of the world, but his owne countrey: he do's usually tell great stories of himselfe to small purpose, for they are commonly ridiculous, be they true or false his ambition is, that he either is or shall be a graduate but if ever he get a fellowship, he has then no fellow. In spight of all logicke he dare : sweare and maintaine it, that a cuckold and a townes-man are termini convertibiles, though his mothers husband be an alderman: he was never begotten (as it seems) without much wrangling; for his whole life is spent in pro and contra: his tongue goes alwaies before his wit, like gentleman-usher, but somewhat faster. That he is a compleat gallant in all points, cap à pea; witnesse his horseman-ship and the wearing of his weapons: he is commonly long-winded, able to speake more with ease, then any man can endure to heare with patience. University jests are his universall discourse, and his newes, the demeanor of the proctors: his phrase, the apparell of his mind, is made of divers shreds like a cushion, and when it goes plainest, it hath a rash outside, and fustian linings. The currant of his speech is clos'd with an ergo; and what-ever be the question, the truth is on his side. 'Tis a wrong to his reputation to be ignorant of any thing; and yet hee knowes not that he knowes nothing: he gives directions for husbandry, from Virgils Georgickes; for cattell, from his Bucolicks; for warlike stratagems, from his Eneides, or Caesars Commentaries hee orders all things by the booke, is skilfull in all trades, and thrives in none: hee is led more by his eares then his understanding, taking the sound of words for their true sense: and do's therefore confidently beleeve, that Erra Pater was the father of heretiques; Rodulphus Agricola, a substantiall farmer; and will not sticke to averre, that Systema's logicke doth excell Keckermans: his ill lucke is not so much in being a foole, as in being put to such pains to expresse it to the world: for what in others is naturall, in him (with much a doe) is artificiall: his poverty is his happinesse, for it makes some men beleeve, that he is none of fortunes favorites. That learning which he hath, was in nonage put in backward like a glister, and 'tis now like ware miss-laid in a pedlers pack; a ha's it, but knowes not where it is. In a word, hee is the index of a man, and the title-page of a scholler, or a Puritane in morality; much in profession, nothing in practice. A Tinker S a moveable for hee hath no abiding place; by his motion hee gathers heat, thence his cholericke nature. He seemes to be very devout, for his life is a continuall pilgrimage, and sometimes in humility goes barefoot, thereon making necessity a vertue. His house is as ancient as Tubal Cains, and so is a runnagate by antiquity : yet he proves himselfe a gallant, for he carries all his wealth upon his back; or a philosopher, for he beares all his substance about him. From his art was musick first invented, and therefore is he alwaies furnisht with a song: to which his hammer keeping tune, proves that he was the first founder of the kettle-drum. Note, that where the best ale is, there stands his musicke most upon crotchets. The companion of his travels is some foule sunne-burnt Queane, that since the terrible statute recanted gypsisme, and is turned pedleresse. So marches he all over England with his bag and baggage. His conversation is unreproveable; for hee is ever mending. Hee observes truly the statutes, and therefore he can rather steale then begge, in which hee is unremoveably constant in spight of whips or imprisonment and so a strong enemy to idlenesse, that in mending one hole, he had rather make three then want worke, and when hee hath done, hee throwes the wallet of his faults behind him. He embraceth naturally ancient custome, conversing in open fields, and lowly cottages. If he visit cities or townes, tis but to deale upon the imperfections of our weaker vessels. His tongue is very voluble, which with canting proves him a linguist. He is entertain❜d in every place, but enters no further then the doore, to avoid suspition. Some would take him to be a coward; but beleeve it, he is a lad of mettle, his valour is commonly three or foure yards long, fastned to a pike in the end for flying off. He is very provident, for he will fight but with one at once, and then also hee had rather submit than be counted obstinate. To conclude, if he scape Tyburn and Banbury, he dies a begger. An Apparatour S a chicke of the egge abuse, hatcht by the warmth of authority: hee is a bird of rapine, and begins to prey and feather together. He croakes like a raven against the death of rich men, and so gets a legacy unbequeath'd: his happines is in the multitude of children, for their increase is his wealth, and to that end, he himselfe yearely addes one. He is a cunning hunter, uncoupling his intelligencing hounds, under hedges, in thickets and corne-fields, who follow the chase to city-suburbs, where often his game is at covert: his quiver hangs by his side, stuft with silver arrowes, which hee shoots against church-gates, and private mens doores, to the hazard of their purses and credit. There went but a paire of sheeres betweene him and the pursivant of hell, for they both delight in sin, grow richer by it, and are by justice appointed to punish it only the devill is more cunning, for he picks a living out of others gaines. His living lieth in his eye which (like spirits) hee sends through chinkes, and key-holes, to survey the places of dark |