SHEPHERD IN TREPIDATION. 109 Shepherd. I have heard waur things than that; it's very amusing,―nay it's capital-and its turn may come roun' in the Magazine in a year or twa. Tickler. Allow me to express my gratitude. Have you seen, Mr Editor, Chambers's Traditions of Edinburgh ?—a most amusing series of numbers, full of the best kind of antiquarianism. It has had a great sale, and it well deserves it. Chambers is a modest and ingenious man.1 Shepherd. That he is: I hae kent him for many years. But is it not all about auld houses? 2 Tickler. Not at all. There is much droll information about life and manners, and characters now gone by to return no more. I understand that Sir Walter Scott and Charles Sharpe have both communicated anecdotes of the olden time, and that would stamp value upon a book of far inferior excellence. May I review it for an early number? Shepherd. Ou ay. But what noise is that? Do you hear ony noise in the lobby, Mr Tickler? Dot, Dot, Dot! Dinna you hear't? It's awfu'! This way. O Lord! it's Mr North, it's Mr North, and I am a dead man. I am gaun to be deteckit in personating the Yeditor. I'll be hanged for forgery. Wae's me-Wae's me! Could I get into that press? or into ane o' the garde-du-vins o' the sideboard? Or maun I loup at ance ower the window, and be dash'd to a thousand pieces? Tickler. Compose yourself, James; compose yourself. But what bam is this you have been playing off upon me? I thought North had resigned, and that you were, bonâ fide, editor? And I too! Am not I your Sub? What is this, Mount Benger ? 3 Shepherd. A sudden thocht strikes me. I'll put on the wig, and be the offisher frae the Castle. Paint my ee-brees wi' burned cork-fast, man, fast, the gouty auld deevil's at the door. 1 Since this was written, Mr Robert Chambers, by his writings and publications, has contributed greatly to the dissemination of a cheap and edifying literature. 2 Charles Kirkpatrick Sharpe was a clever caricaturist, and replete with small gossip. He edited Kirkton's Secret and True History of the Church of Scotland from the Restoration to the Year 1678, and published in 1817 a small volume entitled Metrical Legends and other Poems, &c. For a sketch of him, see LOCKHART's Life of Scott, vol. viii. p. 110, 2d edition. 3 Hogg's territorial title from the name of his farm. 110 SHEPHERD AS MAJOR MOGGRIDGE. Tickler. That will do. On with your cloak. It may be said of you, as of the Pahner in Marmion, Ah me! the mother that you bare, (Enter NORTH.) North. Mr Tickler! Beg pardon, sir,-a stranger. Tickler. Allow me to introduce to you Major Moggridge, of the Prince's Own. North. How do you do, Major-I am happy to see you. I have the honour of ranking some of my best friends among the military-and who has not heard of the character of your regiment? The Major (very short-sighted). Na-how do you do, Mr North? 'Pon honour, fresh as a two-year-old. Is it, indeed, the redoubtable Kit that I see before me? You must become a member of the United Service Club. We can't do without you. You served, I think, in the American War. Did you know Fayette or Washington, or Lee, or Arnold? What sort of a looking fellow was Washington? North. Why, Major-Washington was much such a goodlooking fellow as yourself-making allowance for difference in dress-for he was a plain man in his apparel. But he had the same heroic expression of countenance-the same commanding eye and bold broad forehead. The Major. He didna mak as muckle use, surely, o' the Scottish deealec as me? North. What is the meaning of this? I have heard that voice before,-where am I? Excuse me, sir, but-but-why, Tickler, has Hogg a cousin, or a nephew, or a son in the Hussars? Major Moggridge, you have a strong resemblance to one of our most celebrated men, the Ettrick Shepherd. Are you in any way connected with the Hoggs? Shepherd (throwing off his disguise). O ye Gawpus! Ye great Gawpus! It's me, man-it's me! Tuts, man—dinna lose your temper-dinna you think I would mak a capital playactor? SHEPHERD UNMASKED. 111 North. Why, James, men at my time of life are averse to such waggeries. Shepherd. Averse to waggeries! You averse to waggeries? Then let us a' begin saying our prayers, for the end o' the world is at hand. Now, that's just the way baith wi' you and Mr Tickler. As lang as you get a' your ain way, and think you hae the laugh against the Shepherd, a's richt-and you keckle, and you craw, and you fling the straw frae ahint the heels o' you, just like game-cocks when about to gie battle. Vow, but you're crouse:1 but sae sune as I turn the tables on you, gegg you, as they would say in Glasgow-turn you into twa asses, and make you wonder if your lugs are touching the ceiling-but immediately you begin whimpering about your age and infirmities-immediately you baith draw up your mouths as if you had been eatin sourocks, let down your jaws like so many undertakers, and propose being philosophical! Isna that the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth? North. fear, James, you're not perfectly sober. 2 Shepherd. If I am fou, sir, it's nae been at your expense. But, howsomever, here I am ready to dispute wi' you on ony subject, sacred or profane. I'll cowp you baith, ane after the ither. What sall it be? History, Philosophy, Theology, Poetry, Political Economy, Oratory, Criticism, Jurisprudence, Agriculture, Commerce, Manufactures, Establishments in Church and State, Cookery, Chemistry, Mathematics-OR MY MAGAZINE ? North. Your Magazine? Shepherd (bursting into a guffaw). O Mr North! O Mr North! what a fule I hae made o' Tickler. I made him believe that I was the Yeditor o' Blackwood's Magazine! The coof credited it; and gin you only heard hoo he abused you! He ca'd you the Archbishop of Toledo." Tickler. You lie, Hogg! Puir, pas Shepherd. There's manners for you, Mr North. sionate cretur, I pity him, when I think o' the apology he maun mak to me in a' the newspapers. North. No, no, my good Shepherd-be pacified, if he goes down here on his knees. 1 Crouse-brisk and confident. 2 Cowp-overthrow. 3 Is this not a mistake for the " Archbishop of Granada,” in Gil Blas? 112 A RECONCILIATION. Shepherd. Stop a wee while, till I consider. Na, na; he maunna gang doun on his knees-I couldna thole to see that. Then, I was wrang in saying he abused you. So let us baith say we were wrang, preceesely at the same moment. signal, Mr North. Tickler. } I ask pardon. North. Let us embrace. (Tria juncta in uno.) Gie the Shepherd. Hurra! hurra! hurra!-Noo for the Powldowdies.1 1 Powldowdies-oysters. (APRIL 1826.) Blue Parlour.-NORTH, SHEPHERD, TICKLER, MULLION.1 Shepherd. You may keep wagging that tongue o' yours, Mr Tickler, till midsummer, but I'll no stir a foot frae my position, that the London University, if weel schemed and weel conduckit, will be a blessing to the nation. It's no for me, nor the like o' me, to utter ae single syllable against edication. Take the good and the bad thegether, but let a' ranks hae edication. Tickler. All ranks cannot have education. "A little learning is a dangerous thing. Drink deep, or taste not the Pierian spring." 2 Shepherd. Oh, man, Mullion! but you're a great gowk! What the mair dangerous are ye wi' your little learning? There's no a mair harmless creature than yoursel, man, amang a' the contributors. The Pierian spring! What ken ye about the Pierian spring? Ye never douked your lugs intil't, I'm sure. Yet, gin it were onything like a jug o' whisky, faith, ye wad hae drank deep aneuch-and then, dangerous or no dangerous, ye might hae been lugged awa to the Poleeshoffice, wi' a watchman aneath ilka oxter, kickin and spurrin a' the way, like a pig in a string. pig in a string. Haud your tongue, Mullion, about drinkin deep, and the Pierian spring. North. James, you are very fierce this evening. Mullion scarcely deserved such treatment. Shepherd. Fairce? I'm nae mair fairce than the lave o’ye. 1 "Mullion" seems to have been a purely imaginary character, designed to represent very generally the population of Glasgow and its vicinity. 2 Douked your lugs-plunged your ears. VOL. I. H |