Ladies, that youth was mine; His soul from Heav'n and me. No sun shall ever cheer the gloom The vernal flowers of every dye, And when yon sky's etherial blue Then let the latent buds of hope, Their fragrance fling from every tree; Her silken bosom to the bee. The hawthorn breathe her odours far, In whispering gales the spring's return; Unheeded by the mountain burn. Spontaneous from your bosoms steal; The dew of beauty's beaming eye, A maiden's bleeding heart may heal. EDINBURGH-Printed at the Star Office, (price 4d. a single Number, 4s. 6d. per quarter, deliverable in town, and 58. when sent to the country), by A. AIKMAN, for the PROPRIETORS; where Subscriptions, and Communications, (pest paid), will be received. 1811.. The Spy. SATURDAY, MARCH 30. ·Ridiculum acri Fortius ac melius plerumque secat res. HORACE. IN a late Number, I hinted at procuring a description of a Sabbath-day in Edinburgh; but as I know our Sunday exercises cannot well bear a description, therefore, to supersede all such attempts by my correspondents, I have taken the resolution of giving, in this day's Paper, a few serious directions, addressed to the various ranks of men and women in this city, how to keep the Sabbath, as it ought to be kept; which, I hope, will be more instrumental in turning my readers to the right way, than a stale description of scenes which they are so well accustomed to view. What signifies telling a man who does wrong, merely that he does so, without giving him some directions how he may do better. And, first, to every gentleman who is master of a family, I give the following rule of direction.-Lie as long in your bed in the morning, as you can possibly get done in peace: then rise, and go straight to breakfast in your night-gown and slippers; for as to morning devotions, they are entirely out of the question; they are so high ly unbecoming! so low, and so completely void of all taste! the author of the Universe must be perfectly aware, that no gentleman. can possibly submit No. 31. to them. You must take only a very slight breakfast, not more than one slice of toast, and a little tea, that you may be the better fitted for the religious duties of the day, I mean the looking over, and balancing of your accounts, and family expenditure, during the bygone week; and for the abundant feast of which you are to partake, either at home or abroad, at five in the afternoon. You must likewise be careful to write all the letters on business which have been neglected during the week; and if none of these, or concerns equally important, detain you at home, you may go to the church in the afternoon: but by all means, mind your own affairs and pleasures, in preference to all other concerns; so, if you have the smallest conception, that any of these require your attendance at home, it will be a very good excuse at that bar where all human actions must be tried. It is quite sufficient, if you attend divine service twice or thrice in a season, merely to be like other people, and show a little outward respect to one whom you acknowledge as the author and upholder of your existence, and all your enjoyments.. 'Tis all that he wants, he cares nothing what your heart is set upon.-At any rate, he surely will not be so unreasonable as to take offence at a gentleman for disregarding his commands, with regard to the keeping of the Sabbath ;-but if he 'should, What is that to you? You are settled in a way, in which you can do very well without him; and as to the matter of everlasting life, that is quite a slight concern, compared with the weightier ones of preparing for a good dinner, and settling business with your correspondents. If the party is to be at your own house, it will be as well not to send the cards of invitation above a month previous to the day, in case a number of your intended guests should die in the interim, without leaving any apology, and thus keep your company waiting: and instead of four, let the dinner always be served at six; it will save two hours drinking at your wine; which, considering the number of dinners you are obliged to give in a season, in order to be neighbour-like, is a matter of considerable importance. If you are invited to dine at a friend's house at four, it will be safe to go at the stated time; for, if the family should take it into their heads to be punctual, you may perhaps lose your dinner; and at the worst, it will be but waiting two hours in his drawing-room. To prevent falling into a swoon with hunger you can divert yourself, and your yawning companions, by talking in a weak voice, about the King's health, and the firmness of our Generals abroad; or by keeping a watchful eye upon the door, lest the servant should come and announce dinner without being observed. At all events, be sure to take a good meal, and pour plenty of wine down after it that is a much more natural way of atoning both for sins of omission and commission, than the extra vagant one practised long ago, of pouring it out upon the ground as an oblation. When you can neither eat, drink, jest, nor discuss your worldly affairs any longer; you have nothing farther to do than ride home in a coach, and go to your bed. If you continue devoutly to fulfil these important duties, there is little doubt, but that you are as sure of Heaven, as you were there already; and if you should miss it, which is the worst that can happen, you are, at any rate, sure of being conducted into an apartment, where you will meet with a great deal of genteel company, and you know it would be unmannerly to grudge at suffering a little inconvenience in your accommodations for the pleasure of such society. To the young gentlemen, who seem to form the most numerous class in Edinburgh, I would recommend the following strict rules of religious exercise.-Be sure always to take a hearty sleep in the morning of the Sabbathday: for it was originally ordained for a day of rest; and it is well known, that sleeping is the most effectual way of resting, and of recruiting both the body and mind. When you rise, be careful about shaving and dressing yourself with the utmost propriety and neatness; and when that is finished to your entire satisfaction, as nothing becomes a young person so well as religious devotion, you must next attend to that: but as an object of worship that is never seen, cannot be expected to excite any interest in your breast, and may, for any thing that you know to the contrary, be purely ideal, I would advise you to retire to the mirror beside your window, where you will discover Some an image and likeness which will com- such a pack of poor despicable creatures, or even desire a place of residence in another world, into which so many low. rascals are admitted. pletely answer the purpose. people of an odd way of thinking, might, perhaps, pretend to discover a strong resemblance of a fool in this image, and think it even more ridiculous than the calf that the Egyptians worshipped; but I can assure you, that you will admire, and adore it, above all life your ever saw in you things that and before it, let your most ardent devotions be performed, again and again, before you venture into the parlour; for, without the approbation of that deity, you need not expect to enjoy any pleasure, or holy comfort during the re mainder of the day. ; Take a hearty breakfast, and then if you have no favourite horse or dog to look after, nor fishing tackle to sort, apply to your bock until all the people are in the churches that intend to be there but be sure the subject it treats of be amusing; let it not be more serious than a play or novel, else it may put you asleep, and sleeping at that time of the day, is highly prejudicial both to the health and the spirits. If a number of genteel people freproper quent your parish church, it is that you attend one of the sermons, especially, if there are any pretty ladies who sit in the same pew with you, or near it. Indeed, it would not be amiss to frequent some of the churches, in order to discover where such generally sit, and then to take a seat beside them. But if the church is only frequented by crowds of vulgar people, it would be highly indecorous ever to go near it. It can never be expected, you know, that you are to keep company with When you go first into the church, remember that it is a holy place; and keep the vows which you made before the image in the morning, always uppermost in your mind. The first thing. that you have to do, is to adjust your neck-cloth properly, and feel if the knot of it be directly on the top of your chin; and be particularly attentive,. that the obtuse angles on the neck of your shirt, are standing upright, or in a slaunting direction, parallel with your cheeks; for if they are folded back over your neck-cloth, it will cause you to have a vulgar appearance. You must next put up your hand and feel cautiously, if the elegant bushi of hair on your forehead is right. If it have a turn to one side, it gives a most sweet and languishing cast to the countenance, but it will be as safe to set it straight upright, like the mane of a wild boar, as that gives a young gentleman a bold, ferocious appearance, and the ladies always love a bold looking fellow best. Let your brow then fall down upon your open hands, as if by chance, or to hide your emotions during the time you are uttering a short ejaculation, and take that opportunity to set up the majestic mane on your forehead, with the edges of both hands: and be sure to sleek forward the locks. upon your temples, so as they may cover all your brow, save a small stripe in the middle. This is a great improvement, as it gives a man such a striking resemblance to a well known and very graceful animal After this, you have no more to do than sit and look around you at every person that enters, but particularly, at the pretty girls, whom you may measure with your eyes from head to foot. Never heed what the parson is saying; or if you do, let it only be to note his style and language; what author he borrows his ideas from; and if he makes any grammatical errors; for as to his long harangues about religion and morality, these are a mere botheration, and quite unworthy of a gentleman's attention. Take care not to join in singing the psalms; it is a low paltry amusement, and none but low-minded people, in this life, delight in it: therefore, leave that to the angels, who take pleasure in it, and to the precenters, who are paid for it: you will get enough of singing should you become either the one or the other. And in order that you may not even be suspected of such a mean and ridiculous condescension, keep the head of your cane in your mouth all the while or if you have no cane along with you, keep your mouth shut, and look carelessly around you; for those that sing never do either of these. You may likewise look sometimes as if repressing a laugh, at the queer faces the singers make by their gaping, and knitting their brows. But if, from the considerations before mentioned, the impropriety of attending at church should appear evident, then, as soon as the congregations are all assembled, set off with a party of your comrades to Roslin, or some place in the country where there is good entertainment for men and horses; and as you return home in the evening, be sure to speak and laugh as loud as you can; for if you are on foot, it will make people keep out of your way; if you are in a gig, or coach, it will make the horses go the better; and if you are on horseback, it will raise their mettle so much, that the jaunt is almost certain to terminate in a horse race. This recreation is, however, become rather too common, and is pursued by the citizens, clerks, and all kinds of trash, who have got a few shillings to spend: it will be therefore as becoming in you, to lounge about, calling upon some friends, your equals in rank and spirit; and though I dare not positively advise you to it; yet, as idleness is the devil's cushion, it will not be greatly amiss, to take a quiet game at whist, or backgammon at least, if the board and boxes are made of leather, and do not make a great noise. About the time when you know the people will be coming from the churches, dash out into the street, and be sure to walk arm in arm with your companions, that you may incommode the passengers as much as possible. This will give you an opportunity of viewing the pretty ladies of obliging them by letting them pass; and making the fellows whose faces you do not like, turn off the walk altogether. If you are alone, or have only one friend in company with you, walk very fast, and practice all the airs, and gestures you are master of; and if you see a puppy of a fellow, who pretends to imitate your elegant dress or manner; you can easily by setting your shoulder or elbow in a certain manner, and making a swing as you pass, contrive |