flights of his imagination. They often that is asked for him is, that his virtues gling with cheerless poverty, he refused the honest price of the offspring of his genius, lest he should seem to prostitute the muse. He was a good son, a good brother, a good father, a faithful friend, and an affectionate husband; yet, say his enemies, he was a monster of vice. It is painful to reflect, that though many of those calumnies had their origin in political rancour, they have misled men of the most enlightened minds, and the highest literary reputation.— VERSES BY BURNS. NEVER BEFORE PRINTED. AH! woe is me my mother dear, I ne'er could lend on bill or land, Yet though a coin denied wight, By fortune quite discarded; You see how I'm baith day and night, EDINBURGH-Printed at the Star Office, (price 4d. a single Number, 4s. 6d. per quarter, deliverable in town, and 5s. when sent to the country), by A. AIKMAN, for the PROPRIETORS; where Subscriptions, and Communications, (post paid), will be received. extraordinary powers of estimating human characters, and human actions aright, one whom it would be wisdom for all men, both high and low, to consult before they formed any permanent: connection, or entered upon any undertaking of moment. THE other night, on my way home, after a fatiguing day, I stumbled into the house of an old acquaintance, on purpose to rest myself, as well as to find amusement in his conversation, until my usual time of going to bed. For you must know, Sir, that this friend of mine is a phenomenon of wisdom and foresight. He keeps a weekly, if not a daily, register of all the undermining and unmannerly actions practised by the men and women of this metropolis and its environs, as far as his information serves him, and he spares no pains to gain that information; and consequently can, when he pleases, retail all the incidents that have led to the births, marriages, and deaths for twenty years bygone; as well as to all the failures in business, most of which he foresaw and prognosticated with the great-reached, and will soon singe in two. est punctuality. In a short time I was struck with astonishment at the man's amazing discernment, for though we were fellow collegians, and have long been known to one another, we have not been in habits of intimacy; and I did not use to hear him mentioned by associates with half so much deference as it appeared to me he was entitled to. I set him down in my mind as a most useful member of society, and from his Impelled by a curiosity too natural, of seeing into futurity, I soon began to consult him about the affairs of the nation, and what was most likely to be the result of the present stagnation of trade, and measures of government.But, O Mr. Spy! my heart thrills with horror to this hour, when I reflect upon the authentic and undeniable information which I received from him!-Do you know Sir, that we are all in the very jaws of destruction? our trade, our liberties, our religion, yes Sir, heaven be our guard! our religion and all are hanging by one slender thread! which the flames of hell have already This was a shocking piece of intelligence for me, Sir, who had always cherished the fond idea that we were the most thriving and flourishing people on the face of the whole earth. When I was a young man the several classes of society in this country, were not half so well fed, clothed, or educated as they now are, what could I think but that we were a thriving and happy people? But instead of that Sir, we were ruin. ed bankrupts, prodigals, depraved reprobates, and the slaves of sin and Satan. Pray, Mr. Spy, warn your readers to be constantly upon their watch-towers, having their lamps trimmed, and their beacons burning; for indeed there is not one thing as it appears to be. Our liberty is a flam, our riches a supposition, and the Bank notes in fact not worth a halfpenny a piece. Improvements in the arts and sciences, or in rural and national economy, are no signs of prosperity, but quite the reverse. And what do you think, Sir! there are some gentlemen high in office whom I, and most of the nation, have always regarded as men of the utmost probity,-Lord help us, Sir! they are all confounded rascals! O! that we were wise, that we understood this. Taught thus, by incontrovertible arguments, that the end of all things, at least with respect to Britain, was at hand, I gladly relinquished the disagreeable topic, and introduced the affairs of this city; yet I confess I did it with a good deal of diffidence, having learned, to distrust my own powers of perception altogether, and consequently how unfit I was to judge of any thing from appearance. But O! Sir! how shall I ever describe to you the deformed picture, which was now for the first time placed before my astonished view! It is impossible; for it was one huge mass of inconsistence. I was plainly told, Sir, that our ministers of the gospel are no ministers of the gospelthat they are no drunkards, wine bibbers, and friends of publicans and sinners.There is not one sentence of pure gospel preached amongst them all!-nothing but dry, moral harangues; and the holy sacraments are degenerated into a mere mock, or matter of form; which those only condescend to accept, who, unable to preserve a character for any thing else, endeavour to scratch up. one for devotion;-what a miserable state our church must be in, Sir! the boar that from the forest comes, doth waste it at his pleasure-I beg your pardon, Sir, I was not meaning you. In the High Court of Session too, where I supposed every thing to have been decided with equity and conscience, all is conducted by intrigue, and the springs of justice directed by selfinterest alone! But that which grieved me most of all, was what he told me of our ladies, those sweet, those amiable creatures, whom I had always fondly viewed as that link in the chain of creation which connected the angelic with the human nature. Alas, Sir! it seems that it is too true that Burns says; "They're a 'run w-s and jades thegither;" for my friend assured me, that they are all slaves to the most inordinate passions and desires; and that. they neither think nor act as if they were accountable creatures. He said that none of them ever employed a thought on any thing better, than by what means she might get a husband, or how most to plague one after she had him; and that when they were not ruminating on the one or the other of these, it was sure to be on something worse; and he cited an old foolish Roman in confirmation of his theory, who says, " mulier quæ sola cogitat, male cogitat. About this time another gentleman entered, who was without doubt come for the same purpose with myself namely, to learn how mankind were behaving themselves on an average; and as he took up the conversation I remained silent, as indeed, I had done for the most part of the time since I entered. My ideas being winded up to the highest pitch of rueful horror, I fell into a profound reverie, and from thence into a sound sleep, in which it seems I continued for nearly half an hour, and might have continued much longer, if they had not awakened me, on perceiving that I was labouring under the most painful sensations. The truth is, Sir, though I did not like to tell them all at that time, I had been engaged in a dreadful dream. You know, Sir, there is an old Scotch proverb, that "one had better dream of the deil than the minister;" but I dreamed of them both, and mixed them so completely together that they seemed to be one and the same person; but there is no accounting for these vagaries of fancy in the absence of reason. I thought I was in a country church, where you have often been, Sir, and that I had just taken my seat in the pew where you and I have often sat and sung bass to the old tunes, which our old precentor lilted over to us; when, who should I see mount the pulpit to preach, but the very identical friend who sat discoursing beside me, and who had so lately opened my eyes to our ruined and undone state. He read out a text from the scriptures with great boldness. I have forgot where he said it was, for indeed I thought he did not name the right book; but I remember some of the words, which run thus: "Because our daughters are haughty, and walk with stretched forth necks, and wanton eyes, walking and mincing as they go, and making a tripping with their feet." He read it twice over, and then I heard a tittering noise; when, looking over my shoulder, I saw the church filled with the most beautiful women I had ever beheld in my life!I wept to think how bad creatures they were all that so much wickedness. should be concealed under so sweet a veil, and that their parents should have been at so much pains bringing up so many pests to society, and objects fitted for destruction. But the more I looked at them, they became the more lovely, and the more I looked at the preacher, he became the more ugly, until I could no longer look at him without terror. At length a tall lady stretched forward her head, and whispered to me that he was the devil. I uttered a loud scream, and hid myself behind the pew, having a peculiar aversion to that august personage, and peeping through a hole, I beheld him change his form gradually from that of a human creature, into a huge black sow. He then stepped down from the pulpit, with some difficulty, and began feeding out of a deep trough. A thought struck me in a moment, that I might easily rid mankind of their greatest enemy, by felling him at one blow before he observed me, for his head was quite out of sight: so, snatching down a gravepole, I glided silently away to execute my cowardly purpose. When I came within stroke, I heaved my grave-pole, and collected my whole force for the blow. "I'll do for you now, old boy,” said I to myself. At that very moment he lifted up his ugly phiz! and gave me such a look, that I was quite over |