Shallow. Eva. It is not meet the council hear a riot; there is no fear of Got in a riot: the council, look you, shall desire to hear the fear of Got, and not to hear a riot; take your vizaments in that. Shal. Ha! o' my life, if I were young again, the sword should end it. Eva. It is petter that friends is the sword, and end it: and there is also another device in my SIR Hugh, persuade me not; I will make a Star-prain, which, peradventure, prings goot discretions chamber matter of it: if he were twenty Sir John Falstaffs, he shall not abuse Robert Shallow, esquire. Slen. In the county of Gloster, justice of peace, and coram. Shal. Ay, cousin Slender, and cust-alorum.2 Slen. Ay, and ratolorum too; and a gentleman born, master parson; who writes himself armigero; in any bill, warrant, quittance, or obligation, armigero. Shal. Ay, that we do; and have done any time these three hundred years. Slen. All his successors, gone before him, have done't; and all his ancestors, that come after him, may: they may give the dozen white luces in their coat. Shal. It is an old coat. Eva. The dozen white louses do become an old coat well; it agrees well, passant: it is a familiar beast to man, and signifies-love. Shal. The luce is the fresh fish; the salt fish is an old coat. Slen. I may quarter, coz? Shal. You may, by marrying. Era. Yes, py'r3-lady; if he has a quarter of your coat, there is but three skirts for yourself, in my simple conjectures: but that is all one: if Sir John Falstaff have committed disparagements unto you, I am of the church, and will be glad to do my benevolence, to make atonements and compromises between you. Shal. The council4 shall hear it; it is a riot. (1) A title formerly appropriated to chaplains. (2) Custos rotulorum. with it: there is Anne Page, which is daughter to master George Page, which is pretty virginity. Slen. Mistress Anne Page? She has brown hair, and speaks small like a woman. Eva. It is that fery person for all the 'orld, as just as you will desire; and seven hundred pounds of monies, and gold, and silver, is her grandsire, upon his death's-bed (Got deliver to a joyful resurrections!) give, when she is able to overtake seventeen years old: it were a goot motion, if we leave our pribbles and prabbles, and desire a marriage between master Abraham, and mistress Anne Page. pound? Shal. Did her grandsire leave her seven hundred Eva. Ay, and her father is make her a petter penny. Shal. I know the young gentlewoman; she has good gifts. Eva. Seven hundred pounds, and possibilities, is goot gifts. Shal. Well, let us see honest master Page: is Falstaff there? Eva. Shall I tell you a lie? I do despise a liar, as I do despise one that is false; or, as I despise one that is not true. The knight, sir John, is there; and, I beseech you, be ruled by your well-willers. I will peat the door [knocks] for master Page. What, hoa! Got pless your house here! Shal. Sir, he's a good dog, and a fair dog; can there be more said? he is good, and fair.-Is sir John Falstaff here? Page. Sir, he is within; and I would I could do a good office between you. Page. We three, to hear it, and end it between them. Eva. Fery goot: I will make a prief of it in my note-book; and we will afterwards 'ork upon the cause, with as great discreetly as we can. Fal. Pistol, Pist. He hears with ears. Eva. The tevil and his tam! what phrase is this, He hears with ear? Why, it is affectations. Fal. Pistol, did you pick master Slender's purse? Slen. Ay, by these gloves, did he (or I would I might never come in mine own great chamber again else,) of seven groats in mill-sixpences, and two Edward shovel-boards, that cost me two shilling and two pence a piece of Yead Miller, by the se gloves. Fal. Is this true, Pistol? Eva. No; it is false, if it is a pick-purse. I combat challenge of this latten bilbo :8 Eva. It is spoke as a christians ought to speak. Shal. He hath wrong'd me, master Page. Page. Sir, he doth in some sort confess it. Slen. By these gloves, then 'twas he. Shal. If it be confess'd, it is not redress'd; is not Nym. Be advised, sir, and pass good humours: that so, master Page? he hath wrong'd me; in- I will say, marry trap, with you, if you run the deed, he hath; at a word, he hath;-believe me;-nuthook's10 humour on me; that is the very note of it. Robert Shallow, esquire, saith, he is wrong'd. Page. Here comes Sir John. Enter Sir John Falstaff, Bardolph, Nym, and Pistol. Fal. Now, master Shallow; you'll complain of me to the king? Shal. Knight, you have beaten my men, killed my deer, and broke open my lodge. Fal. But not kiss'd your keeper's daughter. Shal. Tut, a pin! this shall be answer'd. Fal. I will answer it straight;-I have done all this-that is now answer'd. Shal. The council shall know this. Fal. 'Twere better for you, if it were known in counsel: you'll be laugh'd at. Eva. Pauca verba, Sir John, good worts. Fal. Good worts 2 good cabbage.-Slender, I broke your head; what matter have you against me? Slen. Marry, sir, I have matter in my head against you; and against your coney-catching3 rascals, Bardolph, Nym, and Pistol. They carried me to the tavern, and made me drunk, and afterwards picked my pocket. Bar. You Banbury cheese!4 Mephostophilus ?5 Nym. Slice, I say! pauca, pauca, slice! that's my humour. Slen. By this hat, then he in the red face had it: for though I cannot remember what I did when you made me drunk, yet I am not altogether an ass. Fal. What say you, Scarlet and John? Bard. Why, sir, for my part, I say, the gentleman had drunk himself out of his five sentences. Eva. It is his five senses: fie, what the ignorance is! Bard. And being fap, sir, was, as they say, cashier'd; and so conclusions pass'd the careires, Slen. Ay, you spake in Latin then too; but 'tis no matter: I'll ne'er be drunk whilst I live again, but in honest, civil, godly company, for this trick: if I be drunk, I'll be drunk with those that have the fear of God, and not with drunken knaves. Eva. So Got 'udge me, that is a virtuous mind. Fal. You hear all these matters denied, gentlemen; you hear it. Enter Mistress Anne Page with wine; Mistress Ford and Mistress Page following. Page. Nay, daughter, carry the wine in; we'll drink within. [Exit Anne Page. Slen. O heaven! this is mistress Anne Page. Page. How now, mistress Ford? Fal. Mistress Ford, by my troth, you are very well met: by your leave, good mistress. [kissing her. Page. Wife, bid these gentlemen welcome :--Come, we have a hot venison pasty to dinner; come, gentlemen, I hope we shall drink down all unkind Slen. Where's Simple, my man?-can you tell,||ness. cousin? [Exeunt all but Shal. Slend. and Evans. Slen. I had rather than forty shillings, I had my book of songs and sonnets here: Enter Simple. How now, Simple! where have you been? I must Shal. Corne, coz; come, coz; we stay for you. Eva. Give ear to his motions, master Slender: I will description the matter to you, if you be capacity of it. my Slen. Nay, I will do as cousin Shallow says: pray you, pardon me; he's a justice of peace in his country, simple though I stand here. Eva. But that is not the question; the question is concerning your marriage. Shal. Ay, there's the point, sir. Eva. Marry, is it; the very point of it; to mistress Anne Page. Slen. Why, if it be so, I will marry her, upon any reasonable demands. Eva. But can you affection the 'oman? Let us command to know that of your mouth, or of your lips; for divers philosophers hold, that the lips is parcel of the mouth;-therefore, precisely, can you carry your good will to the maid? Shal. Cousin Abraham Slender, can you love her? Slen. I hope, sir,-I will do, as it shall become one that would do reason. Eva. Nay, Got's lords and his ladies, you must speak possitable, if you can carry her your desires towards her. Shal. That you must: will you, upon good dowty, marry her? Slen. I will do a greater thing than that, upon your request, cousin, in any reason. Shal. Nay, conceive me, conceive me, sweet coz; what I do, is to pleasure you, coz; Can you love the maid? Anne. Will't please your worship to come in, sir? Slen. No, I thank you, forsooth, heartily; I am very well. Anne. The dinner attends you, sir. Go, sirrah, for all you are my man, go, wait upon Slen. I am not a-hungry, I thank you, forsooth: my cousin Shallow: [Exit Simple.] A justice of peace sometime may be beholden to his friend for a man :-I keep but three men and a boy yet, till my mother be dead: but what though? yet I live like a poor gentleman born. Anne. I they will not sit, till you come. Slen. I'faith, I'll eat nothing; I thank you as much as though I did. Anne. I pray you, sir, walk in. Slen. I had rather walk here, I thank you: bruised my shin the other day with playing at sword and dagger with a master of fence, three veneys2 for a dish of stewed prunes; and, by my troth, I cannot abide the smell of hot meat since. Why do your dogs bark so? be there bears i' the town? Slen. Mistress Anne, yourself shall go first. Slen. Truly, I will not go first; truly, la: I will Anne. I pray you, sir. Slen. I will marry her, sir, at your request; but if there be no great love in the beginning, yet hea-not do you that wrong. ven may decrease it upon better acquaintance, when we are married, and have more occasion to know one another: I hope, upon familiarity will grow more contempt: but if you say, marry her, I will marry her, that I am freely dissolved, and dissolutely. Eva. It is a fery discretion answer; save, the faul' is in the 'ort dissolutely: the 'ort is, according to our meaning, resolutely ;—his meaning is good. Shal. Ay, I think my cousin meant well. Slen. Ay, or else I would I might be hanged, la. Re-enter Anne Page. Shal. Here comes fair mistress Anne:-Would Shal. I will wait on him, fair mistress Anne. Eva. Od's plessed will! I will not be absence at the grace. [Exeunt Shal. and Sir H. Evans. (1) An intended blunder. Slen. I'll rather be unmannerly than troublesome: you do yourself wrong, indeed, la. [Exeunt. SCENE II.-The same. Enter Sir Hugh Evans and Simple. Eva. Go your ways, and ask of Doctor Caius' house, which is the way: and there dwells one mistress Quickly, which is in the manner of his nurse, or his dry nurse, or his cook, or his laundry, his washer, and his wringer. Simp. Well, sir. Eva. Nay, it is petter yet:- -give her this letter; for it is a 'oman that altogether's acquaintance with mistress Anne Page; and the letter is, to desire and require her to solicit your master's desires to mistress Ann Page: I pray you, be gone; I will make an end of my dinner: there's pippins and cheese to come. [Exeunt. (3) The name of a bear exhibited at ParisGarden, in Southwark. (4) Surpassed all expression. SCENE III-A room in the Garter Inn. Enter || gilded my foot, sometimes my portly belly. Falstaff, Host, Bardolph, Nym, Pistol, and Fal. Mine host of the Garter, Host. What says my bully-rook? Speak scholarly, and wisely. Fal. Truly, mine host, I must turn away some of my followers. Host. Discard, bully Hercules; cashier: let them wag; trot, trot. Fal. I sit at ten pounds a week. Host. Thou'rt an emperor, Cæsar, Keisar, and Pheezar. I will entertain Bardolph; he shall draw, he shall tap: said I well, bully Hector? Fal. Do so, good mine host. Pist. Then did the sun on dunghill shine. Fal. O, she did so course o'er my exteriors with did seem to scorch me up like a burning-glass! such a greedy intention, that the appetite of her eye Here's another letter to her: she bears the purse too: she is a region in Guiana, all gold and bounty. I will be cheater4 to them both, and they shall be exchequers to me; they shall be my East and West Indies, and I will trade to them both. Go, bear thou this letter to mistress Page; and thou this to mistress Ford: we will thrive, lads, we will thrive. Pist. Shall I Sir Pandarus of Troy become, And by my side wear steel? then, Lucifer take all! humour letter; I will keep the 'haviour of reputaNym. I will run no base humour; here, take the Fal. Hold, sirrah, [to Rob.] bear you these letters tightly;3 Host. I have spoke; let him follow: let me see thee froth, and lime: I am at a word; follow. tion. [Exit Host. Fal. Bardolph, follow him; a tapster is a good trade: an old cloak makes a new jerkin; a withered serving-man, a fresh tapster: go; adieu. Bard. It is a life that I have desired; I will [Exit Bard. Pist. O base Gongarian wight! wilt thou the spigot wield? thrive. Nym. He was gotten in drink: is not the humour conceited? His mind is not heroic, and there's the humour of it. Fal. I am glad, I am so acquit of this tinderbox; his thefts were too open: his filching was like an unskilful singer, he kept not time. Nym. The good humour is, to steal at a minute's Pist. Two yards, and more. Fal. No quips now, Pistol; indeed I am in the waist two yards about: but I am now about no waste; I am about thrift. Briefly, I do mean to make love to Ford's wife; 1 spy entertainment in her; she discourses, she carves, she gives the leer] of invitation: I can construe the action of her familiar style; and the hardest voice of her behaviour, to be English'd rightly, is, I am Sir John Falstaff's. Pist. He hath studied her well, and translated her well; out of honesty into English. Nym. The anchor is deep: will that humour pass? Fal. Now, the report goes, she has all the rule of her husband's purse; she hath legions of angels.3 Pist. As many devils entertain; and, To her, boy, say I. Nym. The humour rises; it is good: humour me the angels. Sail like my pinnace to these golden shores.— And high and low beguile the rich and poor: Nym. I have operations in my head, which be humours of revenge. Pist. Wilt thou revenge? By welkin, and her star' Pist. With wit, or steel? I will discuss the humour of this love to Page. With both the humours, I, How Falstaff, varlet vile, His dove will prove, his gold will hold, Nym. My humour shall not cool: I will incenses Page to deal with poison; I will possess him with yellowness, for the revolt of mien is dangerous: that is my true humour. Pist. Thou art the Mars of malcontents: I second thee; troop on. [Exeunt. SCENE IV-A room in Dr. Caius's house. Quick. What; John Rugby!-I pray thee, go Quick. Go; and we'll have a posset for't soon at night, in faith, at the latter end of a sea-coal fire. An honest, willing, kind fellow, as ever servant shall come in house withal; and, I warrant you, no tell-tale, nor no breed-bate:10 his worst fault is, that he is given to prayer; he is something peevish that way: but nobody but has his fault-but let that pass. Peter Simple, you say your name is ? Sim. Ay, for fault of a better. Quick. And master Slender's your master? |