the Stake, tormented like a Toad under a Harrow, or hunted like a Dog with a Stick at his Tail: All these are indeed States of Uneafinefs; but what are they to the Life of an Author! of an Author wor ried by Critics, tormented by his Bookfeller, and hunted by his Creditors. Yet fuch must be the Cafe of many among the Retailers of Knowledge, while they continue thus to fwarm over the Land; and whether it be by Propagation or Contagion, produce new Writers to heighten the general Diftrefs, to increase Confufion, and haften Famine.

Having long studied the Varieties of Life, I can guefs by every Man's Walk, or Air, to what State of the Community he belongs. Every Man has noted the Legs of a Taylor, and the Gait of a Seaman; and a little Extenfion of his phyfiognomical Acquifitions will teach him to distinguish the Countenance of an Author. It is my Practice, when I am in Want of Amusement, to place myself for an Hour at Temple-Bar, or any other narrow Pafs much frequented, and examine one by one the Looks of the Paffengers; and I have commonly found, that, between the Hours of Eleven and Four, every Sixth Man is an Author. They are feldom to be seen very early in the Morning, or late in the Evening; but about Dinner-time they are all in Motion, and have "one uniform Eagerness in their Faces, which gives little Opportunity of difcerning their Hopes or Fears, their Pleasures or their Pains.

But, in the Afternoon, when they have all dined, or composed themfelves to pass the Day without a Dinner, their Paffions have full Play, and I can perceive one Man wondering at the Stupidity of the Public, by which his new Book has been totally neglected; another curfing the French, who fright away literary Curiofity by their Threats of an Invafion; another swearing at his Bookfeller, who will advance no Money without Copy; another peruf

ing, as he walks, his Publisher's Bill; another murmuring at an unanswerable Criticism; another determining to write no more to a Generation of Barbarians; and another refolving to try once again, whether he cannot awake the drowsy World to a Senfe of his Merit.

It fometimes happens, that there may be remarked among them a Smile of Complacence, or a Strut of Elevation: But if thefe Favourites of Fortune are carefully watched for a few Days, they seldom fail to fhew the Tranfitorinefs of human Felicity; the Creft falls, the Gaiety is ended, and there appear evident Tokens of a fuccefsful Rival, or a fickle Patron.

But of all Authors, thofe are the most wretched, who exhibit their Productions on the Theatre, and who are to propitiate first the Manager, and then the Public. Many an humble Vifitant have I followed to the Doors of thefe Lords of the Drama, seen him touch the Knocker with a fhaking Hand; and, after long Deliberation, adventure to folicit Entrance by a fingle Knock: But I never ftaid to fee them come out from their Audience; because my Heart is tender, and being fubject to Frights in Bed, I would not willingly dream of an Author.

That the Number of Authors is disproportionate to the Maintenance which the Public feems willing to aflign them; that there is neither Praife nor Meat for all who write, is apparent from this; that, like Wolves in long Winters, they are forced to prey one on another. The Reviewers and Critical Reviewers, the Remarkers and Examiners, can fatisfy their Hunger only by devouring their Brethren. I am far from imagining that they are naturally more ravenous or blood-thirsty than thofe on whom they fall with fo much Violence and Fury; but they are hungry, and Hunger must be fatisfied; and these Savages, when

their Bellies are full, will fawn on those whom they now bite.

The Refult of all these Confiderations amounts only to this; that the Number of Writers must at last be Jeffened; but by what Method this great Defign can be accomplished, is not eafily discovered. It was lately propofed that every Man who kept a Dog fhould pay a certain Tax, which, as the Contriver of Ways and Means very judiciously obferved, would either deftroy the Dogs, or bring in Money. Perhaps it might be proper to lay fome fuch Tax upon Authors, only the Payment must be leffened in Proportion as the Animal, upon which it is raised, is lefs neceffary; for many a Man that would pay for his Dog, will difmifs his Dedicator. Perhaps if every one, who employed or harboured an Author, was affeffed a Groat a Year, it would fufficiently leffen the Nuifance without deftroying the Species.

But no great Alteration is to be attempted rafhly. We must confider how the Authors, which this Tax fhall exclude from their Trade, are to be employed. The Nets used in the Herring Fishery can furnish Work but for few, and not many can be employed as Labourers at the Foundation of the new Bridge. There must, therefore, be fome other Scheme formed for their Accommodation, which the present State of Affairs may easily supply. It is well known, that great Efforts have been lately made to man the Fleet, and augment the Army, and loud Complaints are made of useful Hands forced away from their Families into the Service of the Crown. This offenfive Exertion of Power may be easily avoided, by opening a few Houses for the Entertainment of discarded Authors, who would enter into the Service with great Alacrity, as most of them are zealous Friends of every prefent Government; many of them are Men of able Bodies, and ftrong Limbs, qualified at least as well for the Musket as the Pen: They are, perhaps,

haps, at prefent a little emaciated and enfeebled; but would foon recover their Strength and Flesh with good Quarters and present Pay.

feem

There are fome Reasons for which they may particularly qualified for a military Life. They are ufed to fuffer Want of every Kind; they are accuftomed to obey the Word of Command from their Patrons and their Bookfellers; they have always paffed a Life of Hazard and Adventure, uncertain what may be their State on the next Day; and, what is of yet more Importance, they have long made their Minds familiar to Danger, by Descriptions of bloody Battles, daring Undertakings, and wonderful Escapes. They have their Memories ftored with all the Stratagems of War, and have, over and over, practiled in their Closets the Expedients of Diftrefs, the Exultation of Triumph, and the Refignation of Heroes fentenced to Deftruction.

Some indeed there are, who, by often changing Sides in Controversy, may give juft Sufpicion of their Fidelity, and whom I fhould think likely to defert for the Pleasure of Desertion, or for a Farthing a Month advanced in their Pay. Of thefe Men I know not what Ufe can be made; for they can never be trufted but with Shackles on their Legs. There are others whom long Depreffion, under fupercilious Patrons, has fo humbled and crufhed, that they will never have Steadiness to keep their Ranks. But for these Men there may be found Fifes and Drums, and they will be well enough pleased to inflame others to Battle, if they are not obliged to fight themselves.

It is more difficult to know what can be done with the Ladies of the Pen, of whom this Age has produced greater Numbers than any former Time. It is indeed common for Women to follow the Camp; but no prudent General will allow them in fuch Numbers as the Breed of Authoreffes would furnish. Authoreffes are feldom famous for clean Linen; there

fore

fore they cannot make Laundresses: They are rarely fkilful at their Needle, and cannot make a Soldier's Shirt: They will make bad Suttlers, being not much accustomed to eat. I must therefore propofe, that they fhall form a Regiment of themselves, and garrifon the Town which is fuppofed to be in most Danger of a French Invafion. They will probably have no Enemies to encounter; but, if they are once fhut up together, they will foon difincumber the Public, by tearing out the Eyes of one another.

The great Art of Life is to play for much, and to ftake little; which Rule I have kept in View through this whole Project: For, if our Authors, and Authoreffes defeat our Enemies, we fhall obtain all the usual Advantages of Victory, and if they should be deftroyed in War, we fhall lofe only thofe who had wearied the Public, and whom, whatever be their Fate, nobody will mifs.

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