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gentlemen and friends; but boys will be boys, and ushers will always be looked upon as a pack of cards-made only to be made a game of.'

"I told him that I had had a fortnight's experience in ushership, and would rather not undertake the office again, if any other means of getting my living could be obtained; and briefly detailed to him my adventures at Acorn House, omitting the scene in the library.

"Ah, sir, if the world could only see into the trickery practised by such illiterate and imposing characters as Dr. Doonuffin, the cause of education would be much advanced; but I will not say more on the subject, as my remarks might be considered selfish and interested. I am happy to say I have it in my power to recommend you as private tutor in the house of a clergyman, who has three little boys whom he wishes to have prepared for Eton. I do not know him personally, but from all I have heard of him, he is a kind-hearted, though very eccentric person. I will give you a letter of introduction and recommendation to him, and would advise you to ride over and deliver it in person.

"He sat down and wrote what my modesty induced me to consider a very complimentary testimonial, and directed it to the Rev. Naaman Nightshade, Rectory, Neitherside.' He then wished me success, and begged of me to apprize him if the situation did not suit me, and he would endeavour to procure me another.

"Old Fidel to whom I showed my letter of introduction, was much pleased at the very favourable opinion given by Dr. Bright of my abiÎities and qualifications; but he could not draw any wide distinction between an usher in a school and a tutor in a private family. He had the same ideas of rude boys, dogs-eared books, large canes, applepiebeds, and short commons, as being common to all classes of subordi nate teachers. Had I been appointed head-master of Oldeton grammar-school, the case would have been altered, as he fancied an immensity of dignity belonged to any gentleman who was fortunately able to obtain such an enviable situation.

"He knew something of the Rev. Naaman Nightshade, because he had banked with us for seven years, and the little he knew had not tended to raise him in his estimation. Fidel, like most persons in his situation, was very accurate in his accounts, and was wretched if he could not make his incomings and outgoings correspond to a farthing every Midsummer and Christmas-day. Now Mr. Nightshade, it appeared, was so careless in money matters in a large way, that his account was frequently overdrawn, and all warnings on the subject were unattended to until they stopped the supplies. When this was the case, he would call, and without examining his account, which was another serious offence in Fidel's eyes, apologize very humbly, and pay in a large sum, offering to pay interest for the amount to which he had overdrawn.

"I confess that I thought if this was all that could be alleged against him, it was nothing very serious.

"Neitherside was but seven miles from our borough; but I had never even seen the rector, as he seldom went into society, being a very learned man, especially in the oriental languages, to the acquirement of which he had dedicated almost all his time.

"I hired a pony and rode over to the rectory. The house, which

was too large for the living, was, as far as I could judge by the exterior, in a shocking state from want of repairs, and the tithe-barn, which stood within twenty yards of it, was nearly falling down. The garden which separated them was a perfect wilderness of cabbages, flowers, weeds, and shrubs, mingled together in the oddest confusion.

I hung my pony's bridle to the gate, and was going, as I thought, to walk up to the door and knock; but the gate was locked, and I could find neither bell nor any other medium of communication with the inhabitants. I began shouting as loudly as I could, and my efforts were so far successful, that I awoke a large slumbering Newfoundland-dog, who aided them by an accompaniment contra-basso.

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"The effect produced by this duet was not exactly such as I expected, for instead of a 'liveried menial' appearing to open wide the castle's gate,' a little woman popped her head up from amidst a bed of brocoli, and stared at me as if she had never seen a gentleman before.

"Hilloh my good woman,' I cried, beckoning to her to approach, is your master at home?"

"Without replying to my very plain question, she cried out in a sort of scream, Gracious goodness! oh!' took up her basket in which were several decapitated heads of brocoli, and with the beheading instrument in her right hand, ran into the house as I supposed.

"I waited five minutes thinking that she was, what servants call, making herself' fit to be seen' before she came to let me in. I then began shouting again. Again my friend in the rough great-coat aided my endeavours, but no one appeared.

"I walked round to the back of the house thinking that there might be a side-door, through which admittance might be gained. I could find no other entrance, however, than the gate at which my pony stood, cropping the weeds within his reach. As the dog was chained up I resolved to scale the palings, which I effected with some little damage from the splinters and tenter-hooks to my sit-down-upons. I walked up in a quiet lounging way to the door, hoping that some one might see me from the windows and apprize the rector of my arrival, but to my great surprise I found them carefully boarded up. The door was knockerless, so I applied the toe of my boot with great vigour to the panels. The door appearing to have too strong an attachment to the lintel and posts to dream of a separation, and no one appearing inclined to answer my summons, though subpoenaed very audibly, I took the path round the house by which the vegetable-cutter had just before vanished, taking care to keep at a respectful distance from the bow-wow who was preparing to commence hostilities, by raising his mane and showing his grinders, as dogs are apt to do when their suspicions are once raised.

"I found myself in a sort of courtyard, between the stones of which the rank grass and moss were protruding; in its centre stood what had once been a handsomely-carved stone-pump, with a sundial on its top. The nose or gnomon was twisted all awry, and the hours were thrown into a horrible state of confusion' by the dial's reclining uneasily at an angle of 45°. It was surrounded on one side by the house, and on the other three by buildings which had once been devoted to horses, coaches, and harness-laundries, breweries, and other useful offices; Dec.-VOL. LVII. NO. CCXXVIII.

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but which now seemed to have retired from business, and to be totally without employment, except as a harbour for rats and other vermin.

"I kicked as vigorously at the back door as I had done at the front, and with the same result. I began to fancy that I must have mistaken the house, but the directions I had received, and the contiguity of the church, made me feel that this must be the rectory. I confess I felt a little angry at being treated in so strange a manner, and was determined to gain an entrance if I was 'had up' for housebreaking. I accordingly raised myself by means of a hook, which formerly, in the palmier days of the house, had served as a fastening for horses, and managed to gain the sill of one of the windows. This was evidently the window of the kitchen, for before a small fire there was a chicken pirouetting, with other indications of dinner. I tried to raise the window, but it was fastened, and I did not choose to risk the loss of two or three fingers by smashing the glass with my fist. I jumped down, and by the aid of an old water-butt climbed up to a window on the other side of the door, which, like the kitchen-window, was half-closed by the bottom shutters being pulled up.

"The moment my head appeared above the shutter, bang went a pistol or gun, the ball of which passed through and shattered the pane of glass within a foot of me. I need not tell you that I descended much quicker than I ascended, and ran into what had been the stable for fear of a second shot.

"I waited for some minutes, peeping through the window without seeing any one; but at length a powdered bald head showed itself at the broken pane, and then a face in which terror and alarm were strongly depicted. By its side, after a few seconds, appeared the countenance of the servant whom I had seen in the garden. After peering about for some time, they seemed to talk earnestly together, and I resolved to show myself, not doubting that my respectable outer-man would allay their very extraordinary state of alarm; but the moment I appeared, they disappeared, and the woman uttered her my goodness gracious! oh!' in a most piercing shriek.

"I was puzzled what to do under these very extraordinary circumstances. If I presented myself at the window, I felt assured I should be used as a target for a second shot. If I went to the door and kicked again, I might have been fired at through the panel. At last I hit upon a plan which fortunately succeeded. I split the end of my ashen riding-stick with a knife, and inserted my letter into the slit, as I had seen the crier of the court do at our assizes when he had occasion to hand up a message or note to the clerk of arraigns or any of the barristers. I held the letter up to the broken pane, and was much pleased to find it snatched off my stick with a violent jerk.

"After waiting a few minutes, which I imagined were occupied in the perusal of my despatch, the door was opened with some difficulty, as it was protected by more locks, bolts, and bars than are used for a prison-gate, and the rector rushed out and began to shake my hand and apologize to me for the rude reception I had met with through an unfortunate mistake.

"He ushered me into the room from which the shot had come, and, to my great surprise, introduced me to the cabbage-cutter as Mrs. Nightshade. Her dress and appearance were certainly inferior to her

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station, nor did her manners indicate the position she held in the family; for to the Mr. Smyth, my dear,' of her husband, she replied, with the species of courtesy called a short bob,' Hopes I sees 'e well, sir.' "Before I proceed with the account of our interview and its results, it will be better to give Mr. Naaman Nightshade's history as briefly as possible.

"In one of the numerous courts in the neighbourhood of Careystreet, Lincoln's-inn, lived Mr. Nightshade, senior, the father of the Rector of Neitherside. He was a painstaking, busy little man, who earned a livelihood by keeping a book-stall, which was much resorted to by bibliomaniacs, who delighted in worming out odd volumes of books, valuable only for their antiquity, uselessness, and scarcity.

"In that dingy, dusty, well-filled store, at the age of fourteen, Naaman was placed by his father to keep shop whilst he went out to look for and purchase at old libraries for sale. He had had a decent education at the Wesleyan school, of which sect his parents were rigid and conscientious followers.

"Whether his being named after Naaman the Syrian induced him to study the Syriac language, or the finding of an old grammar of that tongue amidst his father's stores, I cannot say. He applied so zealously, however, to his new pursuit, that he entirely neglected the business of the shop, or rather window, for most of Nightshade's bargains were completed out of doors. His mother fortunately had no other child, and found time to attend to the business and shield him from the anger of his father, who cared nothing for the contents of his books beyond what they would fetch in that market.

"Naaman had managed to make himself tolerably well acquainted with his favourite language, and had commenced the study of Hebrew, before his father discovered the manner in which he passed his time. He was surprised when he returned home, and relieved him from attending to the store, that his son, instead of slipping out and playing with the little dirty boys in the court, went up to his room and only left it to eat his meals in haste, and then, too, not unless he was summoned; still, as the boy was quiet, and, as he thought, attentive to the business in his absence, he did not trouble himself about the matter.

"It happened one day that his mother, who went daily to Claremarket to purchase provisions, met with an accident by slipping upon a piece of turnip-paring, and was obliged to keep her bed for a few days. Naaman tried all he could to leave his books and watch the customers who peered over the stall as they passed; but on the second day, thinking he could read and watch too, he brought down his pentateuch and was soon so deeply engaged in it, that all else was forgotten.

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Among the constant purchasers at the stall was the vicar of the parish a little, queer, irritable old gentleman, who spent most of his time, and all his money, in collecting old and rare editions of the classics. It chanced that an Elzevir Horace lay in Mr. Nightshade's window upon which Dr. Cobweb, had cast a longing eye, and determined to cheapen, if possible-but to buy, at any rate. "He took up the book, and pretending to manner, as if it were of no value in his eyes, temptuous tone, what was the lowest price of

examine it in a careless asked in a sort of conthat thing.' To which

he was surprised at receiving no reply. He repeated it, and seeing that the boy did not even raise his head, hastily and unjustly concluded that he meant to insult him.

"He entered the shop, Elzevir in hand, and putting the question for the third time in a very loud voice, without obtaining an answer, gave poor Naaman a smart blow on the head with the rare edition, and called him a dirty little blackguard.

"Naaman sprung from his stool, and gazed on the vicar with eyes, in which there was no speculation;' then, quietly rubbing his head, sat down again and went on with his studies.

"Dr. Cobweb could not stand this, but did what he rarely did with a book he purchased-made use of it, and raised sundry bumps upon the head of his insulter.

“Naaman stared, and repeated the rubbing process, and as he had been busily tracing the course of the river Hiddekel, answered his tormentor's question, What's the lowest price, you little_ragamuffin?' by assuring him, That it flowed through Assyria and Ethiopia, and emptied itself into the Persian Gulf, by the two branches called Pison and Gihon.'

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"The doctor, who, as a divine, was supposed to know all this, rewarded him for the ill-timed information, by giving him as sound a thrashing as so small a theologian could inflict.

"Nightshade père arrived home at this moment, and was surprised to find his old and excellent customer maltreating his boy; but, upon listening to the cause was so enraged, that he seconded the motion and thrashed him himself with the bag of books which he had been busied in collecting that morning.

"The only apology poor Naaman could offer was, 'I was only a reading of Hebrew;" but it drew the vicar's attention, and upon questioning the boy, he was surprised to find that he had made some little progress in the language.

"Naaman told him that he liked the Syrian better; which led to further explanations, the result of which was, that the doctor gave him a guinea to atone for his unjust blows, and after a time, prevailed on his father, who hesitated only from religious scruples, to send him as a private pupil to his curate, to prepare him for college.

"Naaman made such excellent use of his time, that at the age of seventeen, he stood for, and gained a scholarship at St. Mark's College, in our University, and after a successful career through the schools was elected to the chair of Arabic professor.

"After committing several enormities, arising from his habitual absence of mind, he was presented by the prime minister of the day to the government living of Neitherside, as a reward of his great learning and piety.

"Of his eccentricities at college, I shall only give a specimen.

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"When it came to his turn to preach his first sermon, as professor, before the University, he prepared a discourse, and took for his text the well-known words, Speak, I pray thee, to thy servants in the Syrian language; for they understand it.' And in order to prove that he did so, he wrote so long and zealously that when the day arrived and St. Mary's was crammed, he continued preaching for three hours, and was amazed to find, when he lifted his eyes from his book for the first

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