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227 AN orphan LADY, aged 52, of good connexions, and an income of ,£160 a year, wishes to hear from a gentleman not under 60. Address with Editor.
This orphan business may be partly an intimation that there are no mothers-in-law to fear, besides being an appeal to the charitable to prevent giddy young creatures straying into harm's way. The columns of this unique journal are also strong in the military, several colonels and some other officers being anxious to commit matrimony.
From 331 advertisements, all peculiar, it is hard to make anything like a judicial selection; but there are a few specimens we have determined on giving, even though others must suffer and be left in the cold shade of neglect. We will commence with
245 A WIDOWER, aged 60, healthy and active, with a business **■ of about £150 a year, wishes to correspond with a well educated lady, from 40 to 50 with a view to early marriage. Address with Editor.
This will doubtless throw a new light on the question of early marriages, which seems to have been hitherto handled in a selfish and one-sided manner. Sixty and fifty can hardly ever be "too early wed." Next we come upon
CATHLEEN, aged 30, a Widow LADY, without children, income ,£7,000, residing in a handsome house, surrounded by a park of 200 acres, within 50 miles of London, would correspond with a Nobleman or Gentleman of position, with a view to marriage. Address with Editor.
Probably there are many noblemen and gentlemen with whom Cathleen mixes in daily intercourse who do not dream that she wishes to be married again, and she is of course too much a lady to let them know the state of her feelings. Which accounts for her confiding in the editor, who must be a perfect Pantechnicon of secrets. The intelligent foreigner is not blind to the advantages of advertising for what he requires, as witness
o A Spanish GENTLEMAN, aged 30 years, residing at Seville (Andalusia), tall, good looking, very swell, rather a menodinal type, an income of£l,ooo. He knows English thoroughly, and would like to correspond with the following ladies : Nos. 9442, 9697, 9646, and 9710. Address with Editor.
He knows English better than we do in England, if he understands what a " meriodinal type" is; and the editor doesn't offer to explain. But the latter is evidently too interested in the following to trouble himself with small and foreign fry :—
A BACHELOR, 32, height 6 feet, strong, fair and considered good looking, closely connected with nobility, and moving in the best county society, one brother inherits entailed estates and two in the army, a member of one of the most particular west-end clubs, residence family mansion beautifully situated on the bank of a large river, disposition amiable and energetic, would not mind getting married, if I could meet a suitable wife. She must be of a loveable disposition, good figure and pleasing face, and have a fortune of not less than £10,000 to enable me to buy out the other partner in a large manufactory which cost ,£23,000, and yealds over £3,000 per annum, without which I will not become a benedict for years. Would like communicate with 9920, 9852, or 9803. Address L. M. A., Editor M. N., 282, Strand.
These figures refer, of course, to young ladies who have advertised for the connections of the nobility in previous numbers. When the School Board has done with the children of costermongers and other plebeians, it will have to turn its attention to the members of particular WestEnd clubs, whose education seems to have been somewhat neglected, so far as grammar is concerned. Should the fair creatures referred to by L. M. A. be already suited, or the inducements held out be insufficient for them, our next may be worthy of his attention :—
„ A Young LADY, tall, fair, and beautiful, with a great profusion of golden hair, and an income of £800 a year, wishes to correspond with a gentleman of position with a view to marriage. Editor has address.
Quite a modern Miss Kilmansegg, with the advantage of having the typical adornment in the shape of golden hair instead of a golden leg. This reference to poetry is of great advantage, as it puts us in a proper frame to consider the following:—
"Oh, woman, in our hours of ease, Uncertain, coy, and hard to please; When pain or sickness rend the brow, A ministering angel thou." 0 0 A Young WIDOW, highly connected, dark hair and eyes, considered pretty, good income, desires to marry, she does not deny that she might at times realize the two first lines of the couplet quoted above, but she can assure any gentleman willing to make the experiment that she is as certain to be true to the conclusion. Address with Editor.
Even Scott has to succumb to the grammatical requirements of the marriage advocate and its readers; but the alteration from the original is as nothing compared with the reference to " the two first lines of the couplet." There is poetry of a different kind in the next specimen, which deserves particular attention :—
T am a BACHELOR, 28, tall and gentlemanly. My income being * j£l5° only (though prospects good), I seek an amiable, educated wife, with private means. Should 10,000, 9920,9851, 9960, Geraldine, Miss Kate, Miss Maxwell, 9852, 9828, 9878, 9885, or other lady under 28, with at least ,£2,000 in own control, deem my position compatible with her views, I should much like to correspond. I am well educated, of refined and intellectual tastes, fond of literature and home, of sound moral principles, eschewing smoking, drinking, gambling, and all fast life delusions, of undoubted respectability, unquestionable honour and integrity, of equable temper, and kind, generous heart. Believing a true wife to be man's greatest blessing, I fully intend being a good husband or none at all, and shall treat my wife not merely with the courtesy due to a lady, but with the respectful consideration to a woman. As this is bona fide, inviolable honour observed and expected. Particulars of age, income, and disposition respectfully solicited. Address with Editor.
O true poetic soul longing for a mate! O noble heart of undoubted respectability and unquestionable honour! may you go on and prosper! Even teetotalism can be fervid, and an equable temper may become quickened, when matrimony stirs up the feelings; and so catching is the impulse, that we should like to fold this young man to our breast, and present him with our favourite daughter. But she hasn't got ^2000, and so, regretting the circumstance, we pass on to
os A PHYSICIAN of noble lineage (of French and English ex**■ traction), of statue about 5ft. 8 inches, aged 36 years, of dark complexion, with black hair and eyes, possessing a strong and healthy constitution, desires to form the acquaintance, with a view to matrimony, of a Lady from 19 to 23 or 24 years, who must be of a noble family or the upper class; brunette preferred, if not of a medium complexion with black or dark hair, and eyes having a fine physique, with some embonpoint, pretty, of an afFectione disposition, with a heart true and loving, talented, speaking or understanding French and Italian, or the other foreign languages ; in height about 5 feet 6 to 8 inches. Also must possess in her own right considerable fortune, and having no incumbrance preferred. In effect a Girl who can ever love a man with an affectionate disposition. Photograph and address with Editor.
This noble physician evidently wishes for a wife whom he may eventually stuff and exhibit, even if he does not take her "round the country" during life. Few people would object to paying sixpence or so to see, among other things, eyes having a fine physique ; and so we trust 8672 may get the wife he wishes for. She would, however, if existent, as a matter of natural selection prefer our next friend, and then they could mutually rejoice over each other's tastes and peculiarities :—
7 "\ VEGETARIAN, a young man who does not use flesh as food; * a Roman Catholic, humble, well-educated, and connected. A lover of temperance, truth, literature, fruit, flowers, and economy, income about £80 a year, wishes for a wife with similar tastes, principles, and income, or as nearly so as possible.—The address with Editor.
The fact of being connected is such an entirely new qualification, that we feel compelled to pause and wonder; and this will be an opportunity for withdrawing from a perusal which is very fascinating, but which threatens to prolong this chapter unduly. There are many more noticeable advertisements, but those we have given will be sufficient to show the character of the newspaper from which we have selected them, as well as the credulity of its public, who are either gulled into paying for matrimonial applications, or deluded into purchasing it in the hope that by its means husbands or wives may be secured. That Oxford " double firsts," Cambridge wranglers, members of Parliament, military and naval officers of high rank, peers of the realm, and beneficed clergymen, would send twaddling and ungrammatical advertisements to this paper, so as to secure wives, we no more believe than we do that eminent authoresses and ladies of rank and property would avail themselves of its. services to secure to themselves husbands. If we are wrong, and these advertisements are all bona fide, and what they profess to be, then a paternal Government, which legislates against betting and strong drink, which puts a tax on quack medicines, and subscribes to compulsory education, should fulfil its metier by preventing the public exposure of idiotcy we have just been contemplating, more especially as no good can possibly be the outcome of it.