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A GENTLEMAN of position desires the society of a young lady or widow. Would afford moderate pecuniary aid to a respectable and deserving person. Address, with particulars, appointing interview, , Mercury office.
A STRANGER in New-York desires a few lady correspondents whom he can call upon, and who would be pleased to accompany him to theatres, &c. Address , New-York University.
A YOUNG MAN of refined taste would like to meet with a goodlooking lady (not above twenty) who is engaged during the day. Address, appointing interview, , No. 4, Mercury office.
A LADY would like to meet with a gentleman who would thoroughly appreciate her exclusive society. For particulars, address , Box 2, No. 688 Broadway.
"These are but fair specimens of columns of such advertisements which have for years appeared in the successive issues of The Mercury. The publishers put over them the head 'Matrimonial,' but the advertisers do not countenance that fraud. They use The Mercury and pay for it as though it were a house of infamous resort; and, if there be any moral difference between permitting this use and keeping a house of ill-fame, we cannot see it. We do not doubt that at least One Thousand foolish girls have been ruined through the instrumentality of these shameful advertisements. Must not that be a monstrous dispensation of justice which, while Rosenzweig is (most righteously) sent to State Prison, should send Cauldwell to the Senate? What do you think of it? Electors of Westchester, Putnam, and Rockland Counties! read the above advertisements carefully, and say whether you can aid the election of Cauldwell to the Senate without sharing his guilt? Do not pretend ignorance of his iniquities: for above is the evidence which no man can gainsay. There are more such in this week's issue, as there have been in every issue of that sheet for years. Fathers, brothers, pure men of every degree! read those infamous advertisements carefully, and then judge if you can vote to send their publisher to the Senate!" This is all very well, and extremely virtuous, but in the high-class daily journal from which it is taken there are plenty of advertisements of a character anything but beyond reproach. We are far from wishing to uphold the character of the Mercury, which is no more and no less than a Pandarus among papers, but the axiom, "Physician, heal thyself," will apply to the champion of outraged innocence just quoted.
An astonishingly elaborate way of bringing the "puff pars" of enterprising and liberal tradesmen under immediate notice is shown in a weekly, possessed of considerable notoriety, that is published in California. This paper, the San Francisco Newsletter, has several times with pleasing candour informed the world that its opinions and advocacy are within easy purchase. Which means that those who do not think its friendship worth buying had better beware of its animosity. For those who doubt this we reproduce the following, which was probably placed on the front page of the Newsletter because the directors of the company referred to refused to patronise that organ of publicity, and which has now been running for some time :—
A PERMANENT PARAGRAPHIC ADVERTISEMENT.
[respectfully Dedicated To The Spring Valley
A miner's inch of water is about twenty thousand gallons. The usual price for an inch of water in the mines is ten cents. The Spring Valley Company sells water in large quantities at seventy-five cents per thousand gallons, or at fifteen dollars seventy-five cents per inch— which is one hundred and fifty-seven times the price which miners pay. Furnished in small quantities to housekeepers, the Company charges from thirty to fifty dollars an inch—five hundred times the miners' rates. Ignotus.
The Newsletter was originally known in England as the vehicle of a vein of humour peculiar even in America, and mainly dependent upon a contempt for all religious formalities and observances, an affectation of atheism, and an evident desire to render all those things ridiculous that believers hold most sacred. Through all this ran a vein of ability which even those who objected most to the degradation of it were bound to admit, and the smart utterances of the chief writer on the staff were not only quoted widely throughout America, but now and again found supporters among advanced journalists in England. How different now is the Newsletter! Its flippancy is as rampant as ever, but its attempts to make fun out of the doctrines of faith in general and Christianity in particular are of the dreariest, while in place of the cleverness which once made its columns readable there is a scurrility worthy of the typical Stabber or Rowdy Journal. And the more its ability becomes deteriorated, the more do its abuse, its blasphemy, and its blackmailing qualities exhibit themselves. It is evident that the old leader has departed, and left in his place one whose servile imitation must have been his best credential for the office of successor.* But it was in reference to the Newsletter's advertisements that we commenced; though they are in truth so mixed up with its other matter that the distinction is subtle indeed. The construction of the paper is unique. Each page is complete in itself, and in the "backs" and "gutters "—the inside margins, in fact—there are numerous advertisements. The chief peculiarity, however, of the paper is that of spreading its puffs and notices about among the ordinary matter. The following extract will give some idea of the prevailing plan :—
* It is only fair to Americans in general, to state that the proprietor of this the most American of all American papers is an Englishman. At least, we are informed so by men who remember him in London.
'•Tell me, O, thou
warrior, How it is you look so strong. Full well I know, for four-score years
You've wandered round—say, am I wrong?"
"I have lived for four-score
It you want to live as long, sir,
Shortening a Telegram.—A gentleman took the following telegram to a telegraph office :—" Mrs Brown, Liverpool street.—I announce with grief the death of uncle James. Come quickly to read wilL I believe we are his heirs.—John Black." The clerk, having counted the words, said, "There are two words too many, sir." "All right, cut out 'with grief,'" was the reply.
The other afternoon I strayed,
To see if in the town I'd find
I wandered round for a long time,
Until a friend did tell
The store of Plum & Bell
As an early morning train stopped at the station, an old gentleman with a cheerful countenance stepped out on the platform, and inhaling the fresh air enthusiastically exclaimed, "Isn't this invigorating?" "No, sir, it's Auchterarder," replied the conscientious porter. The cheerful old gentleman went back to his seat in the carriage.
All that my pining
in its youth Has pictured forth of lence, is she; The same ideal figure full of truth,
Alike in gentleness and purity:
Oh how I love to worship at her
The Man Who Struck Him—" Show me the man who struck O'Docherty," shouted a pugnacious little Irishman at an election; "show me the man who struck O'Docherty, and I'll—" "I am the man who struck O'Docherty," said a big, brawny fellow, stepping to the front; "and what have you to say about it?" "Och, sure," answered the small one, suddenly collapsing, "and didn't you do it well!"
Mr. John Owens, who lately died at Jackson, aged 114, was in some respects a remarkable man. He blushingly admitted that he had used whisky since he was ten years old, and had chewed tobacco and smoked, more or less, for one hundred and tljree years, but he never claimed that he had seen Washington.
Wherever Minerva, the Goddess of Wisdom, presides, or Pomona, or Ceres require book work to be done, there will be found the school and office furniture made by Gilbert & Moore. It is universally acknowledged to be the best that'is made in this or any other State. If once used, no other desks, stools, forms, garden seats, etc., will ever meet with any favour. Their patent school desk, with seat attached, is the most perfect thing we ever saw, and is as strong as it is neat.
A Yankee editor has just had his family reinforced, whereupon he indulges in the following poetic outburst :—
"Ring out, wild bells — and
tame ones too— Ring out the lover's moon I Ring out the little slips and
Ring in the bib and spoon 1
Ring out the Muse, ring in the nurse—
Ring in the milk and water! Away with paper, pens, and ink—
My daughter, oh, my daughter 1''
The philosopher's stone has not yet been discovered, but modern science has found out a means by which the energy of youth can be imparted to those who have long passed the meridian of life. Such a boon to mankind is the Elixir Damiana, that the well known Doctor Jose Juniga, from whose prescription it is made, has earned a name not soon to be forgotten. The Elixir can be procured at Chas. Langley's, the agent, and at all drug stores.
Edmund Munger, speaking of the time when he was a boy, says it was the custom of school children as you passed a school-house, to make a bow; but in these later days, as you pass a school-house, you must keep your eye peeled, or you will get a snowball or a brickbat at the side of your head.
Help me to sing, ye muses
In praises of that house on Pine,
All praise and say the finest stock