And, as Gunther swears, be myself a man again.
Gunther said my eyes were sallow,

My visage haggard, my breath tremendous bad,
My disposition troublesome-in fact,

He gently hinted I was fast becoming

Quite a nuisance.

Four bottles now beneath my vest have disappeared:

My food has relish, my appetite is keen,

My step elastic, my mind brilliant, and

Nine pounds avoirdupois is added to my weight.

The formula "S. T.-1860.-X." appears at the top of every advertisement of the bitters, and the first two portions doubtless refer to the name of the inventor and the date of the invention, while x may be the unknown quantity which has to be taken before the promises held forth in the advertisement are fulfilled. A good instance of the difference between precept and practice is shown by the annexed, which comes well from a firm in no way disdainful of the uses of advertising:

SOME

S, T.-1860.-X.

OME of our contemporaries seem to think that the triumph of their cause depended, like the fate of Jericho, upon the amount of noise made. In these days of refinement and luxury, an article of real intrinsic merit is soon appreciated, hence the unbounded and unparalleled success of

PLANTATION BITTERS.

Like the two preceding, this is from Harper's Weekly, the price for advertisements in the inner pages of which is said to be I dollar 50 cents per line, about five times as much as any of our highest priced papers, for the lines are by no means long for the money. The best customer Harper's has, and at the price perhaps the best customer any paper ever had, is Professor Leonidas Hamilton, who puffs himself in the most extraordinary manner, being always well before his beloved public, and now and again having seven columns of closely printed matter in Harper's, at the exorbitant price just mentioned. This lengthy advertisement is called "A

Timely Warning, and the Reason Why," and is constructed upon truly Yankee principles. It commences :—

Ho OW sublime, how beautiful the thought that the researches and developments of the Nineteenth Century have added fresh and glorious laurels to the great temple of fame and science! In every department and phase of progressive development the hand of the sage and philosopher is ever busy-ever ready to devise means for the amelioration of human woe and the prolongation of life.

Think you his an enviable position-an existence without stern obstacles and perplexing cares? Nay, far from it; for he plucks the lovely rose in peril of the thorn; he climbs to eminence and renown, and every step he gains is planted on a prostrate foe. He digs the gold and tries it; another and a bolder hand must strike the blow that stamps its worth and gives it currency as genuine.

It must be admitted by every rational mind that the man who contributes the most toward promoting the happiness and welfare of the human race, must of necessity be the most highly esteemed by his fellow-men; acting upon this principle, Prof. R. L. HAMILTON, of New York, has, by patient investigation, and vast experience, solved the uncertain question in relation to the vexed and important subject of Liver Complaints and other chronic diseases.

After a long preamble of this kind the Professor describes the "Symptoms of Liver Complaints," from which by an easy transition he comes to some "Important Facts," informing his "dear reader" that he "has remedies that will strike at the root of them as by magic," for "there is no such word as fail in his treatment." After that, a couple of columns are devoted to enumerate the "Reasons why Dr Hamilton is successful." One of these is-"Because he has investigated every remedy known to science, and, in addition, has new remedies, of the fields and forests OF HIS OWN DISCOVERY, and of the greatest possible efficacy and value." He ends this part with the awful words, "The truth must be told if the heavens fall," and a lot of testimonials are produced, each with a sensation heading, and relating the most wonderful effects produced by the Doctor's medicines. Thus one has got an old lung difficulty;" another has "gained twenty pounds in three months,"-not money un

66

fortunately, but flesh. One of the most curious puffs arising out of these testimonials is the following:

IS ALL THIS TRUE?

Mr. Samuel L. Furlong, of Muskegan, Mich., in a letter dated April 6, 1868, writes:

"I have cut out SEVENTEEN of the testimonials that were in the New York Tribune, and sent them to the persons themselves, with letters of inquiry about them, and also about you, and every one stated that they were true, and recommending your remedies very highly; also giving a history of their cases, which was, indeed, very cheering to a poor man, with a sick wife and six small children to support."

The inconsequence of the conclusion is quite refreshing. What benefit this distressed family could have derived from the perusal of the testimonials we will not presume to say. Thus by an easy climax of sensational headings and cures, we arrive at three final articles, respectively headed, " In his mercy he saves the afflicted!"-" Read, ye afflicted"—and "Appreciate it fully." Then follows the "Conclusion" that it would be useless to cry "humbug," for the above parties have volunteered to give their evidence for the benefit of the suffering and for no other purpose, and the whole ends with a friendly recommendation to "have no hesitancy in writing to the Doctor, and state to him your case in full, and he will deal honestly and promptly with you."

Another very extensive dealer in advertisements, who also uses Harper's columns considerably, is the proprietor of the Pain Paint. His works are humorous and entertaining, the following being a fair example :

May 12, 1868.

But all attempts at cure
Proved utterly abortive

Until I used Wolcott's Pain Paint,
Which the Doctors told me
Was humbug.

But humbug or not

It has done the work complete

In less than one month,
Removing the pain
At first application.

I kept her leg wet

With PAIN PAINT constantly
Till healed.

I wish we had more humbugs as useful
As Dr. Wolcott's PAIN PAINT.

I am well known in this city,

And any person

Can make further inquiry

At 101 West Street, New York,

At the Hanover House

Of which I am proprietor.

And I think I can satisfy

All as to the benefit

Derived by the use of PAIN PAINT.

PETER MINCK.

There are many advertisements from Hamilton, Wolcott, and various other "professors" still before us, but with the foregoing we will conclude, and leave the curious to search the American journals for themselves. Those who like to take the trouble will find in them an inexhaustible mine of wealth. The reflection naturally arises in the minds of readers, that the Americans cannot, after all, be such a wonderfully smart nation, to allow an almost countless horde of quacks and impostors to batten on them, and to make large fortunes even in the face of the tremendous sums they have to pay for advertisements.

Extensive as our Colonies are, and numerous and excellent as are the newspapers published in them, the advertisements of the present day may be said with justice to offer

no distinctive features whatever. With the exception of the names of streets and towns, the trade and other notices are just the same as appear in the home journals; and even the cries which now and again go up from the Australian papers for missing relatives are paralleled by similar advertisements constantly appearing in our own metropolis. We have, though, two or three quaint old specimens which have been lighted upon at rare intervals, and more because it would be unfair to pass over our extensive dependencies without mention than for any other reason we offer them to the consideration of the reader. The first is nearly eighty years old, and is copied verbatim from a Jamaica paper of the period:

Kingston, March 7, 1795.

HALF-A-JOE REWARD.

WALKED away, about a Month ago, a Negro Wench, named

Prudence; she is of the Eboe Country, a yellow Complexion, round chubby Face, goggle or full Eyes, has lost several of her fore Teeth, is short, lively, and active, a great Thief, speaks quick and tolerable good English; is one of the black Parson Lisle's Congregation; she is marked on both Shoulders and the left Cheek R. L.; had a Collar about her Neck, Chain and Lock, as a Punishment for her trying to entice a Man away the second Time; she is capable of very great Deception; she lards almost every Word with "plase God," or some pious Expression, and will thieve at the same Time.

It is likely she will endeavour to pass as free; she formerly belonged to Mary Roberts, and lately to Sarah Osborn; she has been twenty Years in the Town of Kingston, and about fourteen Months in the Country. When she left Kingston she secreted a Quantity of her Clothes with some of her Tribe; if gone there, she will be able to change her Dress. Is well acquainted in Spanish-town, and many other Parts of the Island; she possesses a great Share of the "holy Goggle," that is, throwing up her Eyes, and calling upon everything that is sacred, even when stolen Goods have been found upon her. She lately ran away, and was taken up. Whoever apprehends her a second Time, and lodges her in any Workhouse or Gaol in this Island, shall be entitled to the above Reward, and all reasonable Charges, on Application to Linwood and Nicoll, Merchants, in Kingston; or the Subscriber, at Wakefield, in Cedar Valley, St. George's.

ROBERT LOOSELY.