98 MOORE'S LIFE OF BYRON. North. He has. Let us speak now of the great masters. Lean back, James-hand-over-head-and pull out the volume it chances to light on-one or other of the works of the Immortals. Shepherd (obeying the mandate).-Muir's Life o' ByronFirst volumm! Whan are we to hae the second? North. I know not. Probably ere next Noctes. Shepherd. I'm wearyin unco sair for the second volumm. But our carrier, when he's gotten a heavy load o' the necessaries o' life, sic as vivers,1 and pots and pans, and ither household utensils, aye leaves ahint him at Selkirk a' parshels that he jalouses may conteen byucks, "Especially," quo' he, "thae great muckle clumsy square anes ye ca' quartos." North. Not so with Maga? Shepherd. Na, na! A bale o' Blackwood's as licht as a feather, and he swears that his beast never reests on the steyest brae gin Maga's aboard. The buoyancy o' the bale, sir, gars his cart dance alang a' the ups and douns i' the road through the Forest, like a bit pleasure yawcht tilting outower the waves at Windermere Regatta. North. Poetry ! Shepherd. I can tell ye a curious tale about this quarto. It lay for the best part o' a moon amang some cheeses, at Selkirk, afore it was discovered by some weans to be a byuck, by means o' the broon paper and the direction, and was forwarded at last to Mount Benger in a return cart loaded wi’ strae. But Gudefallow clean forgot that his lordship was there, and sae by some queer mischance he got bundled up intil the laft; and mair nor a month afterwards, you may guess the surprise o' ane o' the hizzies that had gane up for fodder, when a great big broon square paper parshel bounced out o' her lap in the byre North. Poor Girzzy ! Shepherd. to the sair disappointment o' Crummie, wha, after smellin an' snokin an' snortin at it for a while, began cavin her head like a dementit cretur, and then ettlin3 to toss 't out o' the door, gettin't entangled by the twine on the point o' ane o' her horns, she brak out o' the byre, as if stung by a gadflee, or some divine æstrum North. Classical! Shepherd. 1 Vivers-victuals. and then doun the knowe, across the holm, 3 Ettlin-attempting. 2 Steyest-steepest. HOW IT REACHED MOUNT BENGER. 99 ower the Yarrow, up the brae, and out o' sicht ahint the hill, richt awa like a red-deer, clean out the region o' Yarrow a'thegither, and far awa ayont the head o' Ettrick into the verra heart o' Eskdalemuir, whar she was fun', days after, sair forfeuchen,1 ye may weel suppose, wi' the Beeography across her een, just as if she had been a bill' gien to stickin, wi' a brodd on his griesly forehead. A' the shepherds, ye ken, sir, are gude scholars in our region and him that first fand her was the President o' the Eskdalemuir Spootin, Theological, and Philosophical Club. Puttin on his specks-for he's a gey auld cretur - he sune made out the inscription in capitals on the forehead o' the beast "JAMES HOGG, Esq., MOUNT BenGER, YARROW, BY SELKIRK," and then in Eetalics aneath"To be forwarded by the first opportunity." North. That must have been a poser to the President. Shepherd. It was that, sir. Nor was his perplexity diminished by the twa sma' words in ane o' the corners- Per mail." The mail hasna begun yet to rin that road, ye ken, sir, in the shape o' a cotch, and the President himsel confessed to me, on tellin the tale, that amang the multitude o' out-o'the-way thochts that crooded intil his brain, to account for the faynomenon,-ane o' them was, that in this age o' inventions, when some newfangled notion or ither, out o' some ingenious noddle, is pitten daily intil practice for expeditin human intercoorse, the coo was an express North. Hee-hee-hee! James, you tickle my fancy, and I get slightly convulsed about the midriff. Shepherd. Yes, sir-that the coo was an express sent by Mr Elliot o' Selkirk. North. Instead of a carrier-pigeon. Shepherd. Just sae, sir. And that the coo, ha'in been bred in Eskdalemuir, had returned to the spat o' her nativity, eager to browse the pasturage on which she had fed when a young and happy quey. Howsomever, to mak a lang story short, our freen contrived to get the quarto aff Crummie's horns, and brocht it doun, neist day, himsel to Mount Benger, when, by layin a' our heads thegither, we cam to see intil the heart o' the mystery, which, like maist others, when severely scrutineesed, degenerated intil an accoontable though somewhat uncommon fack. North. Open the volume, James, at haphazard—and let the 1 Forfeuchen---fatigued. 2 Bill-bull. 100 MOORE ON MARRIAGES OF MEN OF GENIUS." first page that meets your eyes be the text of our discursive dialogue. Shepherd. Sall I read it up, sir? North. Do, ore rotundo, like a Grecian. What seems it about? Shepherd. The marriages o' men o' genius-if I dinna mistak North. Hark! and lo! [The time-piece strikes nine, and enter PICARDY and Tail, with the materiel. They sweep away the " Reliquias Danaum," and deposit all things needful in their place. Shepherd. Clever chiels, thae, sir. North. I hope, James, that Mr Moore will strike out of the volume, before it becomes an octavo, that misbegotten, misconceived, misdelivered, misplaced, and mistimed abortion Shepherd. What'n a skrow1 o' misses, like a verra boardinschule letten lowse; puir bit things, I pity them—a' walkin by themsels, rank and file, twa deep, the feck o' them geyan sickly, and greenin for hame—But no to purshue that eemage -what was you beginnin till abuse, sir, when I interruppit you about the misses? North. Mr Moore's Homily on Husbands. Shepherd. He says "The truth is, I fear, that rarely, if ever, have men of the higher order of genius shown themselves fitted for the calm affections and comforts that form the cement of domestic life." Hootstoots! Toots hoots! Hoots-hoots! Toots-toots! North. You are severe, James, but your strictures are just. Shepherd. The warst apothegm that ever was kittled in the shape o' a paradox; and then, sir, the expression's as puir's the thocht. The calm affections-if by them Mr Muir means a' the great natural affections, and he can mean naething else -are no the "cement" merely o' domestic life, but they are its Sowl, its Essence, its Being, Itsel! Cement's a sort o' lime or slime North. I should not quarrel with the words, James, if their meaning Shepherd. But I do quarrel wi' the words, sir, and they deserve to hae their noses pu'd for leears. I recolleck the passage perfeckly weel, and it's as easy to rend it intil flinders, as to tear to rags a rotten blanket left by some gypsey on a nyuck by the roadside. Tak you the byuck, sir—for you're 1 Skrow-number, swarm. 66 101 amaist as gude an elecutionist as Mr Knowles himsel. You're twa natural readers-wi' a' your art-therein you're about equal-but in action and gesture, sir, he beats you sair. North. "However delightful may be the spectacle of a man of genius, tamed and domesticated in society, taking docilely upon him the yoke of the social ties, and enlightening, without disturbing, the sphere in which he moves, we must, nevertheless, in the midst of our admiration, bear in mind that it is not thus smoothly or amiably immortality has been ever struggled for, or won. The poet thus circumstanced, may be popular, be loved; for the happiness of himself, and those linked with him, he is in the right road-but not for greatness. The marks by which Fame has always separated her great martyrs from the rest of mankind, are not upon him, and the crown cannot be his. He may dazzle, may captivate the circle, and even the times in which he lives, but he is not for hereafter!" Shepherd. What infernal folly's that ye're talkin, sir? I wuss ye mayna hae been drinkin in the forenoon ower mony o' thae wicked wee glasses o' noyau, or sherry-brandy, or ither leecures in confectionary chops, and that's the effecks o't breakin out upon you the noo, sae sune after the paws, in a heap o' havers, just like a verra rash on the face o' a patient in the measles. Eh? North. The words are Mr Moore's. My memory, James, is far from being tenacious, yet sentences of extreme absurdity will stick to it Shepherd. Like plaguy burs to the tails o' a body's coat walkin through a spring wood, alive wi' sweet-singing birds, and sweet-smelling flowers, whase balm and beauty's amaist a' forgotten as sune's he comes out again into the open everyday warld, and appear faint and far off, like an unassured dream, while thae confounded realities, the burs, are stickin as if they had been shued on by the tailor, or rather incorporated by the wicked weaver wi' the verra original wab o' the claith, sae that ye canna get rid o' the inextricable cleggs, without clipping the bit out wi' the shears, or ruggin them aff angrily wi' baith hauns, as if they were sae mony waur than useless buttons. North. An apt and a picturesque illustration. When Mr Moore speaks of the spectacle of a man of genius "tamed and domesticated in society," he must have been thinking 102 MOORE'S MIXED METAPHORS. Shepherd. O' the lauchin hyena. North. No, James, not the laughing hyena, for he adds, "taking docilely upon him the yoke of the social ties ;" and, I believe, neither the laughing nor the weeping hyena-neither the Democritus nor the Heraclitus of the tribe-has ever been made to submit his shoulders to the yoke-nor, indeed, have I ever heard of any attempt having been made to put him into harness. Shepherd. Mr Muir's been thinkin o' the Zebra, or the Quagga, sir. North. But then, James, he goes on to say forthwith, "and enlightening, without disturbing, the sphere in which he moves." Shepherd. Ay, there Mr Muir forgets the kind o' animal he set out wi', and whether he was a lauchin hyena, as I first surmeesed, or a zebra, or quagga, why, by a slip o' the memory or the imagination, he's transmogrified either intil a star or a watchman, "enlightening, without disturbing, the sphere in which he moves,"-maist probably a star; for a watchman does disturb "the sphere in which he moves," by ever and anon crawin out something about the hour-at least folk hae telt me that it's about the hour, and the divisions o' the hour, that the unhappy somnambulists are scrauching;-whereas, as to enlightening the sphere which he disturbs, what can you expeck, sir, frae a fardin cawnle? It maun be a star, sir, that Mr Muir means. Tak ma word for't, sir, it's a star. North. But, James, Mr Moore adds, "that it is not thus smoothly or amiably immortality has been ever struggled for or won. Shepherd. There again, sir, you see the same sort o' slip o' the memory or the imagination; sae that, no to be severe, the haill sentence is mair like the maunderin o' an auld wife, sittin half asleep and half paraleetic, and aiblins rather a bit wee fou frae a chance drappie, at the ingle-cheek, lecturin the weans how to behave theirsels, and mair especially that nae gude's ever likely to come either frae reading or writing ungodly ballants, like them o' Bobby Burns North. Or Jamie Hogg Shepherd. Just sae, sir;—for that, as she hersel cam to ken by cruel experience, it a' "ends in houghmagandy!”1 1 "And mony jobs that day begin May end in houghmagandy Some ither day."--BURNS'S Holy Fair. |