MURDER! MURDER! 23 a while, the many high dreams (dreams indeed!) which we had been delighting to predict of the future fates and fortunes of the Peninsula. The Bard's words, immediately before the intrusion of Taurus, were, "that death was a bugbear," and that the universal Spanish nation would "work out their own salvation." One bellow-and we were both hatless on the other side of the ditch. "If they do," said I, "I hope it will not be after our fashion, with fear and trembling." But I rather suspect, Mr North, that I am this moment stung by one of those insects, behind the ear, and in among the roots of the hair, nor do I think that the creature has yet disengaged -or rather disentangled itself from the nape for I feel it struggling about the not-I trust-immedicable wound-the bee being scarcely distinguishable, while I place my finger on the spot, from the swelling round the puncture made by its sting, which, judging from the pain, must have been surcharged with-nay, steeped in venom. The pain is indeed most acute and approaches to anguish I had almost said agony. North. Bruise the bee "even on the wound himself has made." "Tis the only specific.-Any alleviation of agony ? English Opium-Eater. A shade. The analysis of such pain as I am now suffering or say rather, enduring [TICKLER and the SHEPHERD, after having in vain sought Tickler and Shepherd. Murder!-murder -murder! "Arcades ambo, Et cantare pares, et respondere parati !" English Opium-Eater. Each encircled, as to his forehead, with a living crown-a murmuring bee-diadem worthy of Aristaus. North. Gentlemen, if you mingle yourselves with us, I will shoot you both dead upon the spot with this fowling-piece. Shepherd. Whatna foolin-piece? Oh! sir, but you're cruel! [TICKLER lies down, and rolls himself on a plat. North. Destruction to a bed of onion-seed! James! into the tool-house. Shepherd. I hae tried it thrice-but John and Betty hae 24 THE BATTLE OF THE BEES. barred themselves in against the swarm -Oh! dear meI'm exhowsted-sae let me lie down and dee beside Mr Tickler! [The SHEPHERD lies down beside MR TICKLER. English Opium-Eater. If any proof were wanting that I am more near-sighted than ever, it would be that I do not see in all the air, or round the luminous temples of Messrs Tickler and Hogg, one single bee in motion or at rest. North. They have all deserted their stations, and made a simultaneous attack on O'Bronte. Now, Cyprus, run for your life! Shepherd (raising his head). Hoo he's devoorin them by hunders!-Look, Tickler. Tickler. My eyes, James, are bunged up-and I am fleshblind. Shepherd. Noo they're yokin to Ceeprus! His tail's as thick wi' pain and rage as my arm. Hear till him caterwaulin like a haill roof-fu'! Ma stars, he'll gang mad, and O'Bronte 'ill gang mad, and we'll a' gang mad thegither, and the garden 'ill be ae great madhouse, and we'll tear ane anither to pieces, and eat ane anither up stoop and roop, and a' that 'ill be left o' us in the mornin 'ill be some bloody tramplin up and doun the beds, and that 'ill be a catastrophe waur-if possible-than that o' Sir Walter's Ayrshire Tragedy-and Mr Murray 'ill melodramateeze us in a piece ca'd the "Bluidy Battle o' the Bees;" and pit, boxes, and gallery 'ill a' be crooded to suffocation for a hunder nichts at haill price, to behold swoopin alang the stage the LAST O' THE NOCTES AMBROSIANÆ !!! English Opium-Eater. Then, indeed, will the "gaiety of nations be eclipsed," sun, moon, and stars may resign their commission in the sky, and old Nox reascend, never more to be dislodged from the usurpation of the effaced, obliterated, and extinguished universe. Shepherd. Nae need o' exaggeration. But sure aneuch I wadna, for anither year, in that case, insure the life o' the Solar System.-(Rising up.)-Whare's a' the bees? North. The hive is almost exterminated. You and Tickler have slain your dozens and your tens of dozens-O'Bronte has swallowed some scores-Cyprus made no bones of his allowance-and Mr De Quincey put to death-one. So much for the killed. The wounded you may see crawling in all direc tions, dazed and dusty; knitting their hind-legs together, and impotently attempting to unfurl their no longer gauzy wings. As to the missing, driven by fear from house and home, they will continue for days to be picked up by the birds, while expiring on their backs on the tops of thistles and binweeds -and of the living, perhaps a couple of hundreds may be on the combs, conferring on state-affairs, and Shepherd. Mournin for their queen. Sit up, Tickler. What'n a face! [TICKLER rises, and shakes himself. North. 'Pon my soul, my dear Timothy, you must be bled forthwith-for in this hot weather inflammation and fever Shepherd. Wull sune end in mortification-then coma-and then death. We maun lance and leech him, Mr North, for we canna afford, wi' a' his failins, to lose Southside. Tickler. Lend me your arm, Kit North. Take my crutch, my poor dear fellow. How are you now? Shepherd. Hoo are you noo ?-Hoo are you noo? English Opium-Eater. Mr Tickler, I would fain hope, sir, that, notwithstanding the assault of these infuriated insects, which in numbers without number numberless, on the upsetting Tickler. Oh! oh!-Whoh! whoh!-Whuh! whuh! Shepherd. That comes o' wearin nankeen pantaloons without drawers, and thin French silk stockins wi' open gushets, and nae neckcloth, like Lord Byron. I find corduroys and tap-boots impervious to a' mainner o' insecks, bees, wasps, hornets, ants, midges, clegs, and, warst o' a'—the gad. By the time the bite reaches the skin, the venom's drawn out by ever so mony plies o' leather, linen, and wurset-and the spat's only kittly. But (putting his hand to his face) what's this? Am I wearin a mask? -a fause-face wi' a muckle nose? Tell me, Mr North, tell me, Mr De Quinshy, on the honours o' twa gentlemen as you are, am I the noo as ugly as Mr Tickler? North. 'Twould be hard to decide, James, which face deserves the palm; yet-let me see-let me see-I think-I think, if there be indeed some slight shade of-What say you, Mr De Quincey? 26 THE SHEPHERD'S FACE. English Opium-Eater. I beg leave, without meaning any disrespect to either party, to decline delivering any opinion on a subject of so much delicacy, and Tickler and Shepherd (guffawing). What'n a face! what'n a face! O! what'n a face! English Opium-Eater. Gentlemen, here is a small pocketmirror, which, ever since the year Shepherd. Dinna be sae chronological, sir, when a body's sufferin. Gie's the glass (looks in),—and that's ME? Blue, black, ochre, gambooshe, purple, pink, and-green! Bottlenosed-wi' een like a piggie's! The Owther o' the Queen's Wake! I maun hae my pictur taen by John Watson Gordon, set in diamonds, and presented to the Empress o' Russia, or some ither croon'd head. I wunner what wee Jamie wad think! It is a phenomena o' a fizzionamy-An' hoo sall I get out the stings? North. We must apply a searching poultice. Shepherd. O' raw veal? Tickler (taking the mirror out of the Shepherd's hand). Ay! North. "Twould be dangerous, Timothy, with that face, to sport Narcissus. "Sure such a pair were never seen, Ha! O'Bronte ? [O'BRONTE enters the Arbour, still under the influence of opium. What is your opinion of these faces? O'Bronte. Bow-wow-wow-wow-Bow-wow-wow Wow! Shepherd. He taks us for Eskymaws. North. Say rather seals, or sea-lions. O'Bronte. Bow-wow- -wow-wow-Bow-wow-wow Wow! Shepherd. Laugh'd at by a dowg!-Wha are ye? [JOHN and BETTY enter the Arbour with basins and towels, and a phial of leeches. North. Let me manage the worms-Lively as fleas. [MR NORTH, with tender dexterity, applies six leeches to the SHEPHERD'S face. Shepherd. Preens-preens-preens-preens!1 1 Preens-pins. LEECHES. 27 North. Now, Tickler. [Attempts, unsuccessfully, to perform the same kind office to TICKLER. Your sanguineous system, Timothy, is corrupt. They won't fasten. Shepherd. Wunna they sook him? I find mine hangin cauld frae temple to chaft, and swallin-there's ane o' them played plowp intil the basin. North. Betty-the salt. Shepherd. Strip them, Leezy. There's anither. North. Steady, my dear Timothy, steady; ay! there he does it, a prime worm-of himself a host. Sir John Leech. Shepherd. You're no feared for bluid, Mr De Quinshy? English Opium-Eater. A little so-of my own. Shepherd. I wuss Mr Wordsworth's auld leech-gatherer was here to gie us his opinion o' thae worms. It's a gran' subjeck for a poem-Leech-Gatherin! I think I see the body gaun intil the pool, knee-deep in mud, and bringin them out stickin till his taes. There's whiles mair genius in the choice o' a subjeck, than in the execution. I wunner Mr Wordsworth never thocht o' composin a poem in the Spenserian stanza, or Miltonic blanks, on a 66 Beggar sittin on a stane by the roadside. crackin lice in the head o' her bairn." What's in a name? "A louse By any other name would bite as sharp;" and he micht ca't-for he's fond o' soundin words,-see the "Excursion" passim-"The Plague o' Lice," and the mother o' the brat would personify the ministering angel. Poetry would shed a halo round its pow-consecrate the haunted hair, and beautify the very vermin. English Opium-Eater. I observe that a state of extreme languor has succeeded excitement, and that O'Bronte has now fallen asleep. Hark! a compressed whine, accompanied by a slight general convulsion of the whole muscular system, indicates that the creature is in the dream-world. Shepherd. In dookin! or fechtin—or makin up to a- [JOHN and BETTY carry away the basins, pitchers, phial, Shepherd. Hoo's my face noo? |