Imagens das páginas
PDF
ePub
[blocks in formation]
[ocr errors]

No, Sir, but I have often heard her say that she would if she knew Greek."

In the merriment that succeeded, Plato and I were soon forgotten, and the company returned to their insipid, stupid conversation, which indeed seemed more suited to their capacities than the intellectual subjects which I had opened to them, as if to exemplify the proverb of throwing pearls to swine. By the time the cloth was removed, I found it was very near the time for going to Mr. Clinkum's evening party. Afraid, however, of stirring from my chair before so much company, and equally afraid of being guilty of the indecorum of going to a party later than the time specified, I sat in an agony till the ladies rose to leave the parlour, when I contrived to sneak out behind them unobserved, and having found my hat and cloak, sallied forth for Stephen's-green a full quarter of an hour later than my time. Anxious to retrieve my character in the eyes of Mr. and Mrs. Clinkum, and yet hardly hoping to be forgiven by them for such disrespect to their invitation, I galloped at a furious rate through the streets,

[blocks in formation]
[ocr errors]

'Oh, abundant time for that, Sirthe company are still at dinner."

Greatly relieved by this intelligence, I told him that I would go up stairs and wait in the drawing-room, upon which he showed me into a splendid suite of apartments, gorgeously furnished, and lighted from the ceiling by large glass chandeliers, and informing me that dinner would be over immediately, disappeared. Fairly worn out with all the events of the day, I threw myself into a chair, opened my waistcoat, and wiped my face. I perceived that I was much splashed, but that could not be helped now, so I just gave my trowsers a rub with my pocket handkerchief. I then rose and took a survey of the apartments; and, at last, finding the company rather slow in making their appearance, I lay down on a sofa to finish resting myself, with the intention of shortly rising and putting my disordered dress to rights in the great mirror over the chimneypiece. In this luxurious position, sleep gradually stole over me; but, while yielding to its delicious influence, I resolved only to close my eyes, and be ready for the least intimation of the approach of the ladies. But the virtuous resolution was of no avail. I slept, and dreamed an ugly dream. Methought I was in the hall of the College, and had been condemned by the Provost to be flogged for ignorance of logic. The scene was awful, and my feelings indescribable. The whole University were assembled to witness the execution of the sentence; and, elevated on a table, stood the head porter, on whose shoulders I was horsed, with my trowsers about my heels, while the Censor, attended by the fellows and scholars, was brandishing an enormous birch rod, and pronouncing a Latin oration, which began-"Quousque tandem abutere patientia nostra ?" Every face was mocking me, and the blows were about to descend, while I kicked and bellowed, when lo! Aunts Sally and

Jenny, followed by the Inishogh Ladies' Reading Society, thronged into the hall. At sight of them, my agony increased to such a pitch, that, making a vigorous effort to disengage myself, I knocked down the porter, and seized Aunt Sally round the waist, roaring with terror. The hubbub now became tremendous. Loud cries of murder! and let go! arose on all sides. The Censor's birch descended heavily upon me-Aunt Sally screamed and struggled, while the fellows tugged away to disengage her; but the more they tugged, the louder I roared, and the firmer I clasped her. Suddenly the scene changed into Mrs. Clinkum's drawingroom, with the ladies come up from dinner, and gentlemen pouring into the room, armed with pokers and tongs. -Seize the horrid ruffian !" they exclaimed- The abominable villain!" Let go that lady, you rascal, or I'll knock your brains out!!!" "Police! police send for the police! Don't let him escape! Ha, you ruffian! Take him down stairs! Hold the scoundrel fast!"

66

By this time an elegant young lady was torn from my arms. How the deuce she got there I was not in a condition to surmise; as footmen and gentlemen were knocking and dragging me down stairs, where they hauled me into the study, and seemed preparing to tear me in pieces. In vain I holloe'd out," Gentlemen,-Mr. Clinkum, it's all a mistake-what are you holding me for?" They paid no attention to my cries. "Disarm him!" cried one, "no doubt such a ruffian is well armed!" "Ay! Ay!" cried another, "these are the blessed fruits of the Reform Bill! ruffians breaking into our houses, and murdering us all!!!" "Yes," roared another, "and to think of him singling out Miss Lambkin, the most amiable creature in the world, for the first victim to political malignity!" "By the by," exclaimed a fourth, "we ought to search the house! Depend upon it the rooms are full of this villain's accomplices!"

66

"That's true," said another, "but first-here Denis, bring all the firearms in the house, and see that they are loaded, I should not be surprised at any thing happening after this, and George, just run up and stay with the ladies, and tell them there's not the least fear. And now you

desperate wretch-hold him fast gentlemen-tell me who and what you are, and with what purpose you came into this house."

66

"Sir," said I, "are you Mr. Clinkum ?" "I am Mr. Clinkum," said the Sergeant.

66

Why then, Sir, 'pon my honour, I was only coming to tea, and-" "To tea!" they all exclaimed,-"ay, a pretty sort of tea you'd have given us!!"

"This is liberty and equality with a vengeance !!” said one, "when a dirty vagabond out of the streets, walks into take tea with us!"

"How did he get in at all?" said Mr. Clinkum.

"I let him in, Sir," said a footman; he said his name was Skimthings, and that he came to tea."

"Skimthings," exclaimed the Sergeant, "is it possible you are Mr. Skimthings!"

66

"I am Mr. Skimthings-," said I, "and I desire that you will let me leave your rascally house forthwith. I never got such a bruising in all my life, as you and your drunken set have given me." Oh my goodness," said Mr. Clinkum, lifting up his hands and eyes; "to think that I should see my old friend's son, in such a disgraceful condition! He's as drunk as a piper. You may let him go, gentlemen,—I know who he is. Look at his clothes : he has evidently been tumbling in the gutter."

"I am not drunk," said I, "but as sober as any one here, and perhaps a deal soberer too."

"Well," said the Sergeant, "but if you were so sober as you say, what on earth did you assault that young lady for? Charles, go and tell your mother I want her here. Come, Sir, what's your story?"

66

Upon my word, Sir,” said I, “the only story I have to tell is that I came to tea, as I said before, and found you were at dinner, and being tired of waiting in the drawing room, I fell asleep; and I suppose it was in my dream, for I had a very queer dream, that I seized the young lady. And that's all I know about it."

"Well, we'll, examine a witness," said the Sergeant; "and here she comes. Mrs. Clinkum," said he, as that lady entered pale with affright, "let me have the felicity of introducing to you Mr.

Skimthings, junior, who pleads sleep and a dream in arrest of judgment. Now, tell us how you found him, and all that happened up stairs before we came up."

The lady having recovered from her astonishment, corroborated my statement. She said that the footman had never told her of my arrival; so that on entering the drawing room with the other ladies, they were greatly surprised to see a person of my appearance, stretched at length on a sofa, and evidently labouring under the influence of a distressing dream. That just as she was about to call the footman, Il I bounced

[merged small][ocr errors][merged small][merged small][merged small]

ODE TO MARCH.

TENUES GRANDIA.'

I.

March, March, crocus and violet,

Bloom in the meadows, to welcome thy coming; The green buds expand on the newly-sprung sciolet, Soon to be woo'd by the bee's busy humming. Daisy and lily,

And daffydowndilly,

To scent your mild breath are their odours combining;
At sight of your pansy,

Whitehaven and Swansea,

Enjoy a repose from the Company's Mining.

II.

March, March, Mars was your god-father,
Therefore betimes you can bully and bluster,
But She that was born of the sea-foam-an odd father-
Calms, like the halcyon, your flurry and fluster.
The frantic Bellona,

And gentle Pomona,

Shook hands at your birth, a joint blessing bestowing;
So partly you riot,

And partly stay quiet,

A Lion in-coming, a Lambkin out-going.

III.

March, March, Oh! run on to mid-summer,

There's Intellect's March has arrived at its Autumn,

With a grey-headed fifer and broom-headed drummer, "Twill soon break the ice, and we trust-reach the bottom. But caps up for royalty,

All love and loyalty,

Ne'er shall we think or say aught that's unhandsome;
And so in this glad age,

We'll end with the adige,

"A peck of March dust is beyond a King's ransom !"

THE CANADAS AND EMIGRATION.*

When under divine protection and guidance, the arms of Britain had crushed the infidel array of France, and had enforced on the First Consul the necessity of lowering the tricolor before the meteor flag of England, he, in the height of anger and dismay, exclaimed, "Give me ships, colonies, and commerce!" He felt that these were the pillars of the temple of our glory; and that unless he "bowed himself with all his might" he could not shake the structure they upheld. In furtherance therefore of this purpose, he put in motion all those engines of his power with which he was so wonderfully gifted. In pursuit of his angry vengeance, he left no force untried which could in any way tend to the hurt of our prosperity. We find his policy or his arms in America-in the east or west-on continent, or island; his fleets were steered for the destruction of our foreign commerce, as his legions were assembled for the annihilation of our domestic trade; we read of the vain restrictions with which he strove to shackle our intercourse with the world; and we live to show to the wondering universe, that neither the thunder of his ships, nor the deafening tramp of his millions, nor the brattle of their arms, could blanch one cheek, or enforce a capitulating sentence from us; and yet not through our own might, but because the "Lord cared for his people." The same mighty hand, which in one night turned the vaunting host of the Assyrian to dead corpses, was stretched out for the rebuking of this infidel monarch; and it was when the bitter fruitlessness of his toils was made known even to himself, that in the spirit of the peevish Esau, he exclaimed, "Give me also ships, colonies, and commerce!"

66

pa

The importance of each of these three anchors of our state, has been long acknowledged at least the paramount importance of our shipping and our commerce had been very long felt, but in those days of revolution and reform the enlightened leaders of the country have found out, that a total system of free trade would improve our commerce, that the employment of foreign bottoms would increase our own shipping, and that to relieve starvation and misery by peopling our colonies from our redundant population, would be "useless, extravagant, and impolitic." What Buonaparte and his millions could not do, the Whigs and Radicals of our time are at this moment effecting. Well may one of our authors (the Backswoodman) call political economy "the science of radoxes." I am no great dab at political economy, though I did once study Adam Smith, and thought at the time that I understood him, but he is out of date now a days; Peter M'Cullogh reigns in his stead, and he and his compeers have turned political economy into what may be defined the science of paradoxes. However it is unfair to condemn what we cannot understand." We do not agree with the generosity here laid down; we condemn Peter, not for his "system," as Doctor O'Toole would call it, but because he has Jesuitically brought forward premises in his works, from which he has deduced no conclusion, but whose legitimate logical inference would go to deny the authority of a divine Being. We doubt much if Peter knew exactly what he was aiming at; it seems as if to establish some favourite theory he had brought forward proofs, not startling in themselves, but in their consequences fairly deis

1. Statistical Sketches of Upper Canada, for the use of Emigrants, by a Backwoodsman. London, Murray, 1832, pp. 120.

2. Hints on Emigration to Upper Canada, especially addressed to the lower classes of Great Britain and Ireland. By Martin Doyle. Dublin: William Curry Jun. and Co., 1832, 12mo. pp. 108.

3. The Emigrant's Guide to Upper and Lower Canada. By Francis Evans, Esq. Dublin: William Curry, Jun. and Co., 12mo. 1833.

VOL. I.

2 Q

tical, not to say atheistical. Pride prevented his retracing his steps, or, perhaps, he saw his error too late to retrieve it. One of the features of this age is the demand made by the public for some certain knowledge concerning our colonies, and amply has that demand been answered. Foremost on the list stand M'Gregor, Bourchette, and M'Taggart, to whose valuable works we refer those who wish for a history of the Canadas, from the time of the felling of the first tree. Amidst a host of others comes Picken, which for a compendious statistical survey of the Canadas is unrivalled. Again, Mr. Ferguson comes before the public embodying the papers published in the Agricultural Journal, in a neat and portable form. Our old and Irish friend, Martin Doyle, turns out a new edition of his popular and deservedly favourite book; long life to Martin, he has done more for the Irish poor by his "Hints," than all the nobles of the land could achieve even with the machinery of " agricultural societies" "farming societies,” and so forth. Last not least, let us introduce the new edition of the Backwoodsman-(we really forget whether it is the 18th or 20th) to the public, a queer combination of original humour, fun, and knowledge. Not only these, but also every work treating of our colonies is in great request, and no wonder; the subject of colonization, and all the circumstances attending it, is from the situation of the country becoming of more and more paramount importance and increased interest to all classes of the community. We have a redundant population-a stagnation ofthe life-blood of our prosperity of our commerce; famine and its awful attendant, pestilence, seem to have assumed a periodical sway over our land; and though they slay their thousands and tens of thousands, we have still over-peopled districts; individuals and families struggling vainly as without hope, and when that last hope leaves them, sinking into their graves with the apathy of a Hindoo Suttee. When these things are so, can we wonder that the public should call on us to satisfy the enquiries suggested to every thinking mind, and which, in the heart of every man, endowed with philantropic feelings, must call loudly for an answer. We know that it can be no trifling circumstance which can

drive a man, blessed with the warm feelings of an Irishman, to give up his fathers' land, to leave his kindred, and his people, the grave of his ancestors, and the birth-place of his child; and accordingly, if we search beyond the common motives of change, we shall find, that though want and misery can drive many to this step, and fear or a hope of safety break the ties which bound them to this land, yet amongst the better class of emigrants, we find that feelings of independence buoy them up-sustain their strength and spirit under the difficulties through which they have to pass; so that, as the colonist lies upon the earth, pillowed on some rude log, he sees the time fast approaching when “the desart shall blossom as a rose"-when from a state of almost slavery and the most abject poverty, he shall rise to health, to plenty, and to independence.

If we examine the motives which actuated the kingdoms of old, and compare them with those applied by our modern theorists, we shall be constrained to admit, that the former entertained a much wider view of this subject, than is now thought of. At the present time colonies are looked upon principally in their relation to the trade and revenue of the parent state. In the states of old, they were not only considered beneficial in these respects, but as eminently useful in relieving the mother country of her superabundant population; not merely those who by the over stocking of their trades were an incubus on the advancement of the more prosperous of the community, but those also, who by their agitating talents (to use a modern phrase) might disturb the tranquillity of the state. We may hereafter be led to speak more at large on the colonies of olden times;—we at present shall only observe, that the policy which guided the settlement of the Roman colonies, has also appeared in all those, which are remarkable in any manner for their greatness or rising importance. It was not merely the reduction, vi et armis, of an enemy, but the engrafting on the conquered the manners, laws, customs, and language of the victors, carried and used in the newly acquired territory by the hordes which that great nation poured forth; we can trace this same policy fulminating statutes against the Irish dress and

[ocr errors]
« AnteriorContinuar »