blush it is an Augean labour, and better suited to S and J, than to me. But will ye not, ye honoured manes of Raleigh, Blake, Russell, Sidney, Marlborough, &c. spare us your divine assistance, to purify the blood. of. those left the disgraces of our country! Yours, PROBUS. THE LIFE OF LADY ARABELLA H—T. "The victim-ah! of passion's power,. "She sunk into the shade, "A glow-worm in the darken'd hour,., Time, that has spread his solemn wings over all the imperfections of man and woman kind, has not yet laid his iron hand upon Lady Arabella H-t. She is now past her dawning of beauty, and may be supposed on the wrong side of forty. At a very early age, she was married to Captain Ch-ll, of the royal navy, and with him she doubled the Cape of Good Hope, circumnavigated India, and settled at Calcutta. The character of her ladyship was good, and she bore the fame of British beauty far beyond the "Line." Captain Ch-11 was forced to go to sea; and, in the hurricane months, did not wish to expose his wife to danger, so she was left on shore, and under the particular care of General B-1-w. The General is well known; his works on Indian literature will render him immortal; his prowess in the Nepaul war, will consummate his glory. Lady Arabella continued under his roof for seven months, and then-and then-she disagreed with the General's wife. She removed to an elegant lodging, and the General joined her in a few days. Mr. W. B-1-w, under secretary, sent a challenge to the General, which he readily accepted and they fought. The General was shot in the head, but not dangerously. Towards the close of 1814, Commodore Ch-ll arrived; he had been promoted, and came with some extraordinary powers to Calcutta. The meeting betwixt him and his wife was very affectionate; and, for the period of seven days, they lived in harmony. The state dinner made some change in Commodore Ch-ll's sentiments; he frankly told Lady Arabella that she should not accompany him. This was a death-blow, and when the "card of honour" came, and her name was not imprinted, her rage knew no bounds. However, so it was, and so it must be. General B― had not the power which the Commodore had, and he silently crept into his hole. It happened that Commodore Ch-ll had heard some strange stories, and he also believed them; and, without much ceremony, he at once divorced his wife and challenged her seducer. These things are very foolish, but the law of honour is of so indescribable a nature, that "how to act correctly" is a problem never to be solved on this side of the grave. No very great disasters followed. The General had the best of the match, and the Commodore lost his arm. Lady Arabella removed to Benjore, where Lieutenant-Colonel H-t had an asylum; he had the command of the district; and, by some strange fatality, actually married the woman whom Commodore Ch-ll had repudiated Well, this was a matter of no very great importance where white women are so scarce! but the demise of a rich relative threw into the hands of Mrs. Ht more than forty thousand pounds, and she determined to make ample remuneration for all her follies. And how did she do it? Tom Sprigs was in possession of all the accomplishments due to a man siz feet high; and upon the very day that her husband stept into a baronetcy, she stept off with his servant, and left him the following note "MY DEAR FELLOW,---We have had enough of one another"I am sick of you-you are tired of me--I have taken your servant, as I want him particularly. 66 Truly yours, "A H- -T.” The Clyde frigate was then upon the point of sailing, and Lady Arabella soon procured a passage. The commander was a man of gallantry, and in a very short time the worthy footman was dismissed from his place. Storms and tempests are experienced on every station -a dreadful one drove the Clyde into Alhamma roads, in the island of Madagascar, and there Lady Arabella forsook the Clyde, and sailed for England in the private ship, Wigram. She landed at Brighton, and was met in Marlborough Row by him whom all wish to meet. The consequence was, that her ladyship had free access to the Khremlin, is now a distinguished favourite, and very likely to continue so. She occupies apartments at No. 3, Marlborough Row, and has the honour of leaning on the royal arm in the evening promenade. The life of this lady has been an odd one; but she is scarcely to be blamed; her husbands were so strangely indifferent, that she had a good excuse for hatred. In her present situation she may be comfortable, but as to its permanency, we have doubts; in fact, we have no doubts: she will fall as she has risen by chance. "A little rule, a little sway, "A sunbeam in a winter's day, "Is all the proud and mighty have "Between their cradle and the grave." The favour that hangs upon princes is not to be relied upon; and where wickedness is engrafted upon folly, what can be expected but desolation. Lady Arabella is not too old to take advice;-may she read, learn, and amend. Pennington Place, Saturday Morning. M. B. ON THE DISASTROUS CONSEQUENCES OF GIRLS GOING TO FAIRS. The lassie lost her maidenhead ganging to the fair.-BURNS. To the Editor of the Rambler. SIR,-There are more women lost from custom than passion. Greenwich Park, in Easter and Whitsun holidays, has been the ruin of many a young woman, who went out without the least intention of swerving from virtue's rules, or dirting her petticoats by a roll down the hill. A vicious female companion is worse than a male seducer: example leads where persuasion fails. 66 'If," says Betty," Nanny does so and so, she must feel comfort from it, and it cannot be wrong; she is a sensible girl, has kept her place and appearance these two years, has very good clothes, and bears an excellent character;" particularly with her master and the footman. "She that meditates is lost." Any man who has been conversant with that part of the sex who too fatally taste the blisses of wedlock without the ceremony, must find that their first error, most frequently, was unpremeditated, and unforeseen. Caught by surprise on a hill, or tempted by example under a hedge, they even, yet too late, found they dismissed reason for, complaisance, prudence for civility and natural virtue, to make room for a natural child. I am sensible that you, sir, as Editor of the Rambler, though willing to display the follies and vices of the age in all their glare, are so far from being desirous of increasing the number of unhappy females, that you will, upon every occasion, hold up the beacon of chastity, to prevent the innocent and unwary from dashing against the rocks of seduction and infamy. April 27, 1822. I am, Sir, Your constant Reader, 249 LONDON HELLS EXPOSED, In the History of the Hon. F. Haphazard and Miss Harriet Syren. They died in the blaze of their fame.-BURNS. MR. HAPHAZARD had the honour of being introduced at court, which did not do him any service. He played still deeper, and lost with so good a grace, that he had invitations to all the fashionable places in town, from Cleveland Square, to Seymour Place, New Road; and possibly was more fleeced by the demireps and dandies of fashion than by the prigs and wool-combers of the hells. At Brighton he took a mansion near Marlborough Row, where he kept the syren, and under the auspices of the well known Major W-g-n, plunged, not into the sea for his health, but into every excess that could ruin his constitution and his purse. He engaged to run a race with two packets to Dieppe and back for 1000l.; he was half drunk at the time: and the packet master was sent for. He conscientiously recommended the Royal George to our hero, and the Eclipse to the disinterested major. The morning presented, as the packet master had, with a seaman's eye, foreseen, a dead calm. The major's packet was worked by steam, that of our hero by sails, and could not move an inch. The major started and won the bet; though Mr. Haphazard thought, for once, that he had been diddled; but it was ungentlemanly to complain. At poney races on the beach he lost the races every week; and at the grunters' stakes, or hog hunts, he seldom gained any thing but losses. These hog hunts were, at one time, accounted princely amusements, and originated in the lively fancy of an amphibious duke, famous for family miscarriages. The hogs' tails are soaped or greased, and start to run a certain distance; the competitors for wagers pursue, and he who can catch a tail, and hold a pig, is |