SINGULAR METHOD OF CHOOSING A WIFE.-Singular was the criterion by which a Scottish bishop (ambassador from James V. of Scotland to a foreign court) is said to have judged of a mate for his royal master. The sagacious prelate requested to be concealed behind the hangings of a bed-chamber, when the three princesses had retired, in obedience to the imperious calls of nature, and he determined in favour of the princely fair one whose impetuous torrent proclaimed her superior vigour.

THE POT-DE-CHAMBRE DUKE.-A certain Duke, who figured conspicuously in a late bloodless contest, upon the Queen's case made himself so busy in the bed-chamber scenes, that he even enquired of the Italian witnesses whether the urinals used on a particular occasion were empty or full. His elevation is attributed to putting his nose into such very unpleasant places; and he now goes by the vulgar name of the P-ss P-t Duke; a title, we presume, he did not bargain for in addition to his others.

An ape, a lion, a fox, and an ass,

Will shew you man's life, as it were, in a glass:

Apeish they are till twenty and one;

As fierce as a lion till forty be gone;

As cunning as foxes till three-score and ten,
And then they turn asses, and are no more men.

WOMAN.

A peacock, a sparrow, a parrot and crow,
The life of a woman will perfectly show:
As proud as a peacock till twenty and one;
As wanton as sparrows till forty be gone;
As noisy as parrots until they're three-score;
Then birds of ill omen, and women no more..

ADVERTISEMENT.

To be let or be sold, for the term of her life,
The rich widow C-, by the way of a wife;
She is prime and full fifty, good-natured, not thin;
But for further particulars enquire within.

EPIGRAM FROM MARTIAL.

Milo's from home, and Milo being gone,
His lands bore nothing, but his wife, a son;
Why she so fruitful, and so bare the field?
The lands laid fallow, but the wife was till'd.

GIOTTI. The children of this famous painter were remark-. ably ugly. Dante asked him how it happened, that he, who made the children of others so handsome, should have made his wn so ugly? "Mine,” replied the painter, were made in

the dark!"

ELOPEMENT.-A dandy, who recently underwent the fatigue of an excursion to Scotland with an heiress, in the hurry of such affairs, took his bride before the priest in a riding coat. Before proceeding with his bridal ceremony, the wag looked attentively at the parties, and said, "But, to prevent mistakes hereafter, tell me, without prevarication, if ye are both women in disguise, or if not, which is the man?”

COUNTRY SERVANT.-A gentleman took an airing with his daughter on horse-back, attended by a raw country servant.— The young lady's horse being too skittish for her equestrian skill, she caught a fall, during which all was completely reversed, but recovered her proper position with wonderful quick"Hodge," said the gentleman to his attendant," you saw my daughter's AGILITY?" "O, e'es, zur," quoth Hodge, "I se'ed it-and very pretty it was-but we call IT by another name in my country."

ness.

OFFICIOUS CLERGYMAN.-Some years ago, when the wellknown "Vice Society" were in the hey-day of their useful exertions, and their influence extended throughout the country, a certain parson in the north, looking towards preferment, made himself extremely busy in his parish, in order to find out any thing of which he might make a merit. He had a servant girl, a jolly wench about sixteen, whom he thought he could advantageously employ as a spy upon a boarding-school for girls, in the neighbourhood. In a short time, she brought his reverence word, that the village barber, who besides was a dealer in books,

supplied the young ladies of the school with such as were improper. Proof was somehow obtained of the unfortunate shaver having sold a book, under the rose, which the parson insisted must have the effect of instilling loose ideas into the female mind; and, notwithstanding the magistrate had a different opinion of the book and its tendency, the parson whispered to the justice, the reforming interest prevailed, and the man was bound over to the quarter sessions. When the trial came on, to the infinite mortification of the parson, his maid, and chief evidence, had not attended according to his orders. A messenger was in consequence sent express to the parsonage to fetch the witness, and shortly returned, in a great hurry, to inform the court that the girl was not at home, having been sent by her mistress with the COW TO BULL! The court was so convulsed with laughter at the comical termination of this attempt to guard the purity of the female mind, that the culprit was dismissed even without a reprimand, which the chairman declared himself unable to furnish under existing circumstances.

FEMALE SPIRIT.-Not long since, a couple were going to be married, and had proceeded as far as the church-door; the gentleman then stopped his intended bride, and thus unexpectedly addressed her:-" My dear Eliza, during our courtship, Í have told you most of my mind, but I have not told you the whole. When we are married, I shall insist on three things." "What are they?" asked the lady. "In the first place," said the bridegroom, "I shall sleep alone! I shall eat alone! and find fault when there is no occasion! Can you submit to these conditions ?" "Oh, yes, sir, very easily!" was the reply; "for if you sleep alone, I shall not! If you eat alone, I shall eat first! And, as to your finding fault without occasion, that I think may be prevented, for I will take care you shall never want occasion.”They then immediately proceeded to the altar, and the ceremony was performed.

CRITICISM.-Soon after Lord Kenyon was appointed Master of the Rolls, he was listening very attentively to a young clerk, who was reading to him before a number of the gentlemen of the long robe, the conveyance of an estate, and on coming to the word enough, pronounced it enow. His honour immediately

interrupted him, "Hold! hold! you must stand corrected; enough is, aceording to the vernacular custom, pronounced enuff, and so must all other words which terminate in ough, as for example, tough, rough, cough, &c. The clerk bowed, blushed, and went on for some time, when coming to the word plough, he, with a loud voice, and a penetrating look at his honour, called it pluff! The great man stroked his chin, and, with a smile, candidly said," young man, I sit corrected!"

Poetry.

[ORIGINAL AND SELECT.]

THE BUTTERFLY AND THE ROSE.

IN former times, for so the story goes,

There liv'd a youth who lov'd the fair Miss Rose;
And she, 'tis said, as ardently returned

The flame with which the young Papilio burn'd:
Beauteous she bloom'd, and flattering gay the youth,
And warm the vows of everlasting truth.

One morn he took his leave with soft "adieu!"
And on some fashionable visits flew :

Returned at last, the lovely maid appears,
Hanging her head, and drown'd in dewy tears;
But more surprise he felt when she began—
"Are these your vows, unkind and perjur'd man?
"Here I must stand, whilst you gad up and down,
Flirting with ev'ry belle you meet in town,

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"With rich Miss MARYGOLD, who blush'd like fire-
“Spiteful Miss RUE—and vulgar Madame BRIER—
"With MINIONETTE, all scent, with Lady SMOCK-
"And gaudy flounting Duchess HOLLY HOCK-
"And, oh! for shame! though innocent you look,
"You stoop'd to kiss old MARJORAM the cook !"

PAPILLO, as soon as speak he could,

Replied, "now, catch me, this is dev'lish good! "And granting madam, your assertion's true,

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Pray what example has been set by you?

"You flirted (does that rising blush deny?)

"With Captain WASP, and young 'Squire BUTTERFLY— "With Merchant BEE; and, madam, if you can,

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Deny you kiss'd old DRONE the alderman!

"Your cousin, Mrs. BRIER, tho' you deride her, "Is as well-bred, at least, as Lawyer SPIDER! And, oh! for shame! can vanity prevail,

“On that fair cheek, to stoop to GOODMAN SNAIL!

"From hence, farewell! and learn, proud Rose, from me, "Coquets must never look for constancy."

TO HARRIET.

Design'd for love and soft delight,
For gentle peace and pity mild;
Oh! seek not then the craggy height,
The howling main, the desert wild.

Stay in the shelter'd vale below,

Where calmly breathes the fragrant air,
But go not to the mountain's brow,

For darken'd winds are whistling there.

Rash man! for glory's fading wreath
Provokes an early timely doom,
Seeks every varied form of death,
And desperate hastens to the tomb.

Ah! surely on thy natal day

All nature smiled in kindliest mood,
Suspended held the bloody fray,

And hush'd the wind, and calm'd the flood.