ARTIFICIAL DIAMONDS.

862. A LADY at a supper given on a public occasion displayed in an ostentatious manner a profusion of artificial diamonds, which she had purchased at the shop of the well-known Dovey. She long teased a lady who sat next her with a great deal of impertinent conversation, and with obstrusive attention offered to help her to the dainties upon the table. 'Shall 1,' said she, send you a puff? I thank you, madam,' said the other, 'you had better take one yourself, as you seem to be very fond of paste.'

As a finale to this choice collecttion, we present the courteous reader with the following string of Echo puns, surpassing all others. It is taken from a very scarce work, published in the reign of James I. This precious morceau has been often printed in a very incorrect and imperfect manner:-we now present it in its original beauty.

863. A divine willing to play more with words, than to be serious in the expounding of his text, spake thus in some part of his sermon : This Dyall shewes we must die all: yet notwithstanding, all houses are turned into ale-houses; our cares are turned into cates; our paradise, is a pair of dice; our marriage, into a merry age; our matrimony, into a matter of money; our divines, into dry vines. It was not so in the days of Noah, Ah no!'

BULLS

OF VARIOUS COUNTRIES.

SOME persons were talking of Edgeworth's Essay on Irish Bulls,' and highly commended her for her ingenious vindication of her countrymen. One of the party observed, that among the natives of almost all countries, may be found instances of that ludicrous confusion of thoughts, that precipitate expression of incongruous ideas, which constitutes a bull:' and he added, that' Paddy the Irishman has a number of blunders attributed to him, of which he is in fact not the breeder; at the same time, he must allow he has no small stock of his own to answer for.'

GREEK BULLS.

START not at this title, O ye ceaseless investigators of the profundities of Aristotle; or ye infallible expounders of the metrical difficulties of Eschylus and Pindar; or ye perspicuous solvers of the prophetical ænigmas of Lycophron ;-that you may be satisfied such creatures as Greek bulls are not the offspring of our invention; but that they actually do exist, know, we discovered the following fine specimens in a work called AT, attributed to Hierocles, an eminent Platonic philosopher, who, you may recollect, wrote a commentary on the Golden Verses of Pythagoras. This same person is celebrated by Photius, in his Bibliotheca.* for his splendid services as ambassador to foreign states from the Roman government; and likewise for

* P. 554, &c.

his excellent literary productions, which Photius has reviewed. If you are not content with the following sample, Hierocles will supply you with more such neat cattle, as thorough-bred as were ever brought from the nountains of Wicklow, or the valleys of Ballynahinch,

We are not to be informed that some critics have expressed doubts whether the AT be a genuine work of Hierocles. We leave this point for some Bentley to settle; all we contend for, is, that the work is of Greek origin, that it is very antient, and written much in the style of the undoubted productions of Hierocles; had it not possessed all these pretensions to authenticity, it would not have so long stood its ground, and been printed with his other works.

It is remarkable that the '0 Ixodoins (the Student or Scholar) is introduced merely to serve as a butt, just as the Oxford scholar is introduced by Joe Miller, in his Jest Book,' for the same convenient and ludicrous purpose.

864. A scholar wanting to swim, was nearly drowned in the attempt. Upon which he vowed he would never touch the water until he had been taught to swim.

865. A scholar wishing to catch a mouse that nibbled his books, baited a trap, and sat by it to watch.

866. A scholar, bearing it said that ravens lived to be two hundred years old, bought one, saying, 'I wish to try the experiment.'

This story is told by Furetière, the French lexicographer, of a friend of his. He has added a circumstance, indeed, which increases the magnitude of the bull; for he says that his friend, when he purchased the raven, had passed his grand climacteric.

867. A scholar meeting a friend said, 'I dreamed last night that I saw you and talked with you.' 'I beg

your pardon,' said the friend, for not listening to what you said.'

868. A scholar wishing to know if he looked handsome when he was asleep, sat before a looking-glass with his eyes shut.

A

869. One of twin brothers happened to die. scholar meeting the survivor, inquired of him: · Pray tell me, which of you was it that died, you or your brother?'

These two last bulls pass current as genuine Irish.

870. A scholar, a bald-headed man, and a barber travelled together, and agreed to keep watch four hours at a time. It was the barber's turn to watch first; he employed himself in shaving the head of the sleeping scholar; and when his time of watching was expired, waked him. The scholar, rubbing his head, and finding it smooth, called out, What a rogue is this barber, for he has waked the bald-headed man, when he ought to have waked me!'

Here is a charming confusion of personal identity. This bull was lately circulated in a very genteel company, in London, as an excellent modern joke fresh from Ireland; and, as usual, an Irishman was substituted for the scholar, and made the butt of the tale.

A SPANISH BULL.

871. A STUDENT of the university of Salamanca, going out with a party to shoot rabbits, was desired not to talk lest he should frighten and hinder them from coming out of the woods to feed. As soon as he saw several of them running out, he exclaimed, Ecce cuniculi multi. When his companion blamed him, he expressed his surprise by saying; Who could suppose that rabbits understand Latin ??

872. The following Spanish proverb seems of the bull breed: El mejor de los dados es no jugarlos. The best use of dice, is not to play with them."

FRENCH BULLS.

873. A FRENCH lady of quality, seeing the funeral procession of her husband, exclaimed, Ah! how happy would my poor husband be if he could see this sight, as he was so remarkably fond of such ceremonies.'

874. A person asked a French boy, Who was the elder, he or his brother. I am the elder of the two now,' said the boy; but if my brother should live another year, we shall be both of an age.'

875. The executive council of France exhorted his holiness the pope, in 1792, to preserve his spiritual and temporal dominion by renouncing his authority.

ENGLISH BULLS.

876. AN Irishman very justly observed, that the English make bulls in writing, when they may be supposed to have time to deliberate, as well as in conversation, when they are more exposed to the errors of haste. Thus it is no very rare thing to hear persons talk of ill-health, bad success, acquitted felons, much too little, vastly little, monstrously small, a stone hedge, a glass ink-horn, and a mun-midwife.

Theobald says, in his 'Double False-hood :'

None but himself can be his parrallel.'

This is an ancient bull, for it occurs in an inscription to an old print of Colonel Giles Strangeways, in the reign of Charles II.

'None but himself, himself can parrallel.'

877. In an English newspaper was the following passage: A number of deaths are unavoidably postponed.'