The hardy chief upon the rugged rock
Washed by the sea, or on the gravelly bank
Thrown up by wintry torrents roaring loud,
Fearless of wrong, reposed his weary ftrength.
Thofe barbarous ages paft, fucceeded next
The birth-day of invention; weak at first,
Dull in defign, and clumsy to perform.
Joint-ftools were then created; on three legs
Upborne they stood. Three legs upholding firm
A maffy flab, in fashion square or round.
On fuch a ftool immortal Alfred fat,
And fwayed the fceptre of his infant realms :
And fuch in ancient halls and manfions drear
May ftill be feen; but perforated fore,
And drilled in holes, the folid oak is found,
By worms voracious eating through and through.
At length a generation more refined
Improved the fimple plan; made three legs four,
Gave them a twifted form vermicular,
And over the feat, with plenteous wadding stuffed,
Induced a fplendid cover, green and blue,
Yellow and red, of tapestry richly wrought
And woven close, or needle-work fublime.
There might ye fee the piony fpread wide,
The full-blown rofe, the fhepherd and his lafs,
Lap-dog and lambkin with black ftaring eyes,
And parrots with twin cherries in their beak.
Now came the cane from India smooth and bright With Nature's varnish; fevered into ftripes, That interlaced each other, these supplied Of texture firm a lattice-work, that braced The new machine, and it became a chair. But reftlefs was the chair; the back erect Diftreffed the weary loins, that felt no ease; The flippery feat betrayed the fliding part, That preffed it, and the feet hung dangling down, Anxious in vain to find the diftant floor.
These for the rich; the reft, whom fate had placed
In modeft mediocrity, content
With base materials, fat on well-tanned hides,
Obdurate and unyielding, glassy smooth,
With here and there a tuft of crimson yarn,
Or fcarlet crewel, in the cushion fixt,
If cufhion might be called, what harder feemed
Than the firm oak, of which the frame was formed.
No want of timber then was felt or feared
In Albion's happy ifle. The lumber ftood
Ponderous and fixt by its own massy weight.
But elbows ftill were wanting; thefe, fome fay,
An alderman of Cripplegate contrived;
And fome afcribe the invention to a priest
Burly and big, and studious of his ease.
But rude at firft, and not with easy slope
Receding wide, they preffed against the ribs,
And bruited the fide; and, elevated high,
Taught the raised shoulders to invade the ears.
Long time elapfed or ever our rugged fires
Complained, though incommodiously pent in,
And ill at eafe behind. The ladies firft
'Gan murmur, as became the fofter fex.
Ingenious fancy, never better pleafed
Than when employed to accommodate the fair,
Heard the fweet moan with pity, and devised
The foft fettee; one elbow at each end,
And in the midst an elbow it received,
United yet divided, twain at once.
So fit two kings of Brentford on one throne;
And fo two citizens who take the air,
Clofe packed, and smiling, in a chaife and one.
Bat relaxation of the languid frame,
Fy foft recumbency of outstretched limbs,
Was blifs referved for happier days. So flow
The growth of what is excellent; fo hard
To attain perfection in this nether world.
Thus firft neceffity invented ftools,
Convenience next fuggefted elbow-chairs,
And luxury the accomplished soFA laft.
The nurse sleeps fweetly, hired to watch the fick, Whom fnoring fhe difturbs. As fweetly he, Who quits the coach-box at the midnight hour To fleep within the carriage more fecure, His legs depending at the open door. Sweet fleep enjoys the curate in his desk, The tedious rector drawling over his head; And fweet the clerk below. But neither fleep Of lazy nurse, who fnores the fick man dead, Nor his, who quits the box at midnight hour To flumber in the carriage more fecure, Nor fleep enjoyed by curate in his desk, Nor yet the dozings of the clerk, are sweet, Compared with the repofe the sofa yields.
Oh may I live exempted (while I live
Guiltless of pampered appetite obfcene)
From pangs arthritic, that infeft the toe
Of libertine excefs. The SOFA fuits
The gouty limb, 'tis true;
Though on a SOFA, may
For I have loved the rural walk through lanes
Of graffy fwarth, clofe cropt by nibbling sheep,
And skirted thick with intertexture firm
Of thorny boughs; have loved the rural walk
Over hills, through vallies, and by rivers' brink,
Ever fince a truant boy I paffed my bounds
To enjoy a ramble on the banks of Thames ;
And ftill remember, nor without regret
Of hours, that forrow fince has much endeared,
How oft, my flice of pocket ftore confumed,
Still hungering, pennyless, and far from home,
I fed on scarlet hips and ftony haws,
Or blushing crabs, or berries, that imbofs
The bramble, black as jet, or floes auftere.
Hard fare! but fuch as boyish appetite
Difdains not; nor the palate, undepraved
By culinary arts, unfavory deems.
No SOFA then awaited my return;
Nor SOFA then I needed. Youth repairs
His wafted fpirits quickly, by long toil
Incurring fhort fatigue; and, though our years,
As life declines, fpeed rapidly away,
And not a year but pilfers as he goes
Some youthful grace, that age would gladly keep;
A tooth or auburn lock, and by degrees
Their length and colour from the locks they fpare; The elaftic spring of an unwearied foot,
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