faith, and find any body in the house, here will be an old abusing of God's patience and the king's English. Rug. I'll go watch. Quick. Go; and we'll have a posset for't soon at night, in faith, at the latter end of a sea-coal fire. [Exit Rugby.] An honest, willing, kind fellow, as ever servant shall come in house withal, and, I warrant you, no tell-tale nor no breedbate: his worst fault is, that he is given to prayer; he is something peevish that way: but nobody but has his fault; but let that pass. Peter Simple, you say your name is? Sim. Ay, for fault of a better. Quick. And Master Slender's your master? Quick. Does he not wear a great round beard, like a glover's paring-knife? 21 Sim. No, forsooth: he hath but a little wee face, with a little yellow beard, a Cain-coloured beard. Quick. A softly-sprighted man, is he not? Sim. Ay, forsooth: but he is as tall a man of his hands as any is between this and his head; he hath fought with a warrener. Quick. How say you? O, I should remember him: does he not hold up his head, as it were, and strut in his gait ? 31 Sim. Yes, indeed, does he. Quick. Well, heaven send Anne Page no worse fortune! Tell Master Parson Evans I will do what I can for your master: Anne is a good girl, and I wish Re-enter RUGBY. Rug. Out, alas! here comes my master. Quick. We shall all be shent. Run in here, good young man; go into this closet: he will not stay long. [Shuts Simple in the closet.] What, John Rugby! John! what, John, I say! Go, John, go inquire for my master; I doubt he be not well, that he comes not home. 43 [Singing] And down, down, adown-a, &c. Enter DOCTOR CAIUS. Caius. Vat is you sing? I do not like des toys. Pray you, go and vetch me in my closet un boitier vert, a box, a green-a box: do intend vat I speak? a green-a box. [Writes. Quick. [Aside to Simple] I am glad he is so quiet: if he had been throughly moved, you should have heard him so loud and so melancholy. But notwithstanding, man, I'll do you your master what good I can: and the very yea and the no is, the French doctor, my master,-I may call him my master, look you, for I keep his house; and I wash, wring, brew, bake, scour, dress meat and drink, make the beds, and do all myself, Sim. [Aside to Quickly] 'Tis a great charge to come under one body's hand. Quick. Aside to Simple] Are you avised o' that? you shall find it a great charge: and to be up early and down late; but notwithstanding.to tell you in your ear; I would have no words of it, my master himself is in love with Mistress Anne Page: but notwithstanding that, I know Anne's mind, that's neither here nor there. Caius. You jack'nape, give-a this letter to Sir Hugh; by gar, it is a shallenge: I will cut his troat in de park; and I will teach a scurvy jack-a-nape priest to meddle or make. You may Quick. Ay, forsooth; I'll fetch it you. [Aside] be gone; it is not good you tarry here. By gar, I am glad he went not in himself: if he had I will cut all his two stones; by gar, he shall not found the young man, he would have been horn-have a stone to throw at his dog. [Exit Simple. mad. 52 Caius. Fe, fe, fe, fe! ma foi, il fait fort chaud. Caius. Oui; mette le au mon pocket: depe- Caius. You are John Rugby, and you Jack Rugby. Come, take-a your rapier, come after my heel to the court. are and 62 Rug. 'Tis ready, sir, here in the porch. Caius. By my trot, I tarry too long. Od's me! Qu'ai-j'oublie ! dere is some simples in my closet, dat I vill not for the varld I shall leave behind. Quick. Alas, he speaks but for his friend. 120 Caius. It is no matter-a ver dat: do not you tell-a me dat I shall have Anne Page for myself? By gar, I vill kill de Jack priest; and I have appointed mine host of de Jarteer to measure our weapon. By gar, I will myself have Anne Page. Quick. Sir, the maid loves you, and all shall be well. We must give folks leave to prate: what, the good-jer! Caius. Rugby, come to the court with me. By gar, if I have not Anne Page, I shall turn your head out of my door. Follow my heels, Rugby. [Exeunt Caius and Rugby. Quick. You shall have An fool's-head of your own. No, I know Anne's mind for that: never 4 a woman in Windsor knows more of Anne's Fent. Within] Who's within there? ho! Enter FENTON. Fent. How now, good woman! how dost thou? Quick. The better that it pleases your good worship to ask. Fent. What news? how does pretty Mistress Anne? Quick. In truth, sir, and she is pretty, and honest, and gentle; and one that is your friend, I can tell you that by the way; I praise heaven for it. 151 Fent. Shall I do any good, thinkest thou? shal! I not lose my suit? Quick. Troth, sir, all is in his hands above: but notwithstanding, Master Fenton, I'll be sworn on a book, she loves you. Have not your worship a wart above your eye? Fent. Yes, marry, have I; what of that? Quick. Well, thereby hangs a tale: good faith, it is such another Nan; but, I detest, an honest maid as ever broke bread: we had an hour's talk of that wart. I shall never laugh but in that maid's company! But indeed she is given too much to allicholy and musing: but for you-well, go to. Fent. Well, I shall see her to-day. Hold, there's money for thee; let me have thy voice my behalf: if thou seest her before me, commend me. in Quick. Will I? i' faith, that we will; and I will tell your worship more of the wart the next time we have confidence; and of other wooers. now. Or any kind of light, 47 wicked world! One that is well-nigh worn to What a Herod of Jewry is this! O wicked, JOHN FALSTAFF.' pieces with age to show himself a young gallant! What an unweighed behaviour hath this Flemish my conversation, that he dares in this manner drunkard picked-with the devil's name !-out of company! What should I say to him? I was assay me? Why, he hath not been thrice in my Why, I'll exhibit a bill in the parliament for then frugal of my mirth: Heaven forgive me! venged on him? for revenged I will be, as sure the putting down of men. How shall I be reas his guts are made of puddings. Enter MISTRESS FORD. Mrs Ford. Mistress Page! trust me, I was going to your house. Mrs Page. And, trust me, I was coming to you. Mrs Ford. Nay, I'll ne'er believe that; I have to show to the contrary. Mrs Page. Faith, but you do, in my mind. Mrs Page. What's the matter, woman? trifling respect, I could come to such honour! Mrs Ford. O woman, if it were not for one the honour. What is it? dispense with trifles; Mrs Page. Hang the trifle, woman! take what is it? Mrs Ford. If I would but go to hell for an eternal moment or so, I could be knighted. 50 These knights will hack; and so thou shouldst Mrs Page. What? thou liest! Sir Alice Ford! not alter the article of thy gentry. Fent. Well, farewell; I am in great haste read; perceive how I might be knighted. I shall Mrs Ford. We burn daylight: here, read, Quick. Farewell to your worship. [Exit Fen-eye to make difference of men's liking: and yet think the worse of fat men, as long as I have an ton.] Truly, an honest gentleman: but Anne loves him not; for I know Anne's mind as well as another does. Out upon't! what have I forgot? [Exit. 180 ACT II. SCENE I. Before PAGE's house. Enter MISTRESS PAGE, with a letter. Mrs Page. What, have I scaped love-letters in the holiday-time of my beauty, and am I now a subject for them? Let me see. 'Ask me no reason why I love you; for though [Reads. Love use Reason for his physician, he admits him not for his counsellor. You are not young, no more am I; go to then, there's sympathy: you are merry, so am I; ha, ha! then there's more sympathy: you love sack, and so do I; Would you desire better sympathy? Let it suffice thee, Mistress Page, at the least, if the love of soldier can suffice, that I love thee. not say, pity me; 'tis not a soldier-like phrase: I will but I say, love me. By me, Thine own true knight, he would not swear; praised women's modesty; and gave such orderly and well-behaved reproof to all uncomeliness, that I would have sworn his disposition would have gone to the truth of his words; but they do no more adhere and keep place together than the Hundredth Psalm to the tune of Green Sleeves.' What tempest, I trow, threw this whale, with so many tuns of oil in his belly, ashore at Windsor? How shall I be reentertain him with hope, till the wicked fire of venged on him? I think the best way were to lust have melted him in his own grease. Did you ever hear the like? 70 Mrs Page. Letter for letter, but that the name of Page and Ford differs! To thy great the twin-brother of thy letter: but let thine incomfort in this mystery of ill opinions, here's herit first; for, I protest, mine never shall. warrant he hath a thousand of these letters, writ with blank space for different names,—sure, more, I and these are of the second edition: he will he puts into the press, when he would put us two. print them, out of doubt; for he cares not what I had rather be a giantess, and lie under Mount Pelion. Well, I will find you twenty lascivious turtles ere one chaste man, Mrs Ford. Why, this is the very same; the very hand, the very words. What doth he think of us? Mrs Page. Nay, I know not: it makes me almost ready to wrangle with mine own honesty. I'll entertain myself like one that I am not acquainted withal; for, sure, unless he know some strain in me, that I know not myself, he would never have boarded me in this fury. Mrs Ford. 'Boarding,' call you it? I'll be sure to keep him above deck. Mrs Page. So will I: if he come under my hatches, I'll never to sea again. Let's be revenged on him: let's appoint him a meeting; give him a show of comfort in his suit and lead him on with a fine-baited delay, till he hath pawned his horses to mine host of the Garter. 100 Mrs Ford. Nay, I will consent to act any villany against him, that may not sully the chariness of our honesty. O, that my husband saw this letter! it would give eternal food to his jealousy. Mrs Page. Why, look where he comes; and my good man too: he's as far from jealousy as I am from giving him cause; and that I hope is an unmeasurable distance. ΙΙΟ Mrs Ford. You are the happier woman. Mrs Page. Let's consult together against this greasy knight. Come hither. [They retire. Enter FORD with PISTOL, and PAGE with NYм. Ford. Well, I hope it be not so. Pist. Hope is a curtal dog in some affairs: Sir John affects thy wife. Ford. Why, sir, my wife is not young. Pist. He wooes both high and low, both rich and poor, Both young and old, one with another, Ford; He loves the gallimaufry: Ford, perpend. Ford. Love my wife! 120 Pist. With liver burning hot. Prevent, or go thou, Like Sir Acteon he, with Ringwood at thy heels: O, odious is the name! Ford. What name, sir? Pist. The horn, I say. Farewell. Take heed, have open eye, for thieves do foot by night: Take heed, ere summer comes or cuckoo-birds do sing. Away, Sir Corporal Nym! 131 Nym. [To Page] And this is true; I like not the humour of lying. He hath wronged me in some humours: I should have borne the humoured letter to her; but I have a sword and it shall bite upon my necessity. He loves your wife; there's the short and the long. My name is Corporal Nym; I speak and I avouch; 'tis true: my name is Nym and Falstaff loves your wife. Adieu. I love not the humour of bread and cheese, and there's the humour of it. Adieu. [Exit. 141 Page. The humour of it,' quoth a'! here's a fellow frights English out of his wits. Ford. I will seek out Falstaff. you. Mrs Ford. How now, sweet Frank! why art thou melancholy? Ford. I melancholy! I am not melancholy. Get you home, go. Mrs Ford. Faith, thou hast some crotchets in thy head. Now, will you go, Mistress Page? Mrs Page. Have with you. You'll come to dinner, George. [Aside to Mrs Ford] Look who comes yonder: she shall be our messenger to this paltry knight. Mrs Ford. [Aside to Mrs Page] Trust me, I thought on her: she'll fit it. Enter MISTRESS QUICKLY. Mrs Page. You are come to see my daughter Anne? Quick. Ay, forsooth; and, I pray, how does good Mistress Anne? 170 Mrs Page. Go in with us and see: we have an hour's talk with you. [Exeunt Mrs Page, Mrs Ford, and Mrs Quickly. Page. How now, Master Ford! Ford. You heard what this knave told me, did you not? Page. Yes: and you heard what the other told me? Ford. Do you think there is truth in them? Page. Hang 'em, slaves! I do not think the knight would offer it: but these that accuse him in his intent towards our wives are a yoke of his discarded men; very rogues, now they be out of service. Ford. Were they his men? Ford. I like it never the better for that. Does he lie at the Garter? Page. Ay, marry, does he. If he should intend this voyage towards my wife, I would turn her loose to him; and what he gets more of her than sharp words, let it lie on my head. 10 Ford. I do not misdoubt my wife; but I would be loath to turn them together. A man may be too confident: I would have nothing lie on my head: I cannot be thus satisfied. Page. Look where my ranting host of the Garter comes: there is either liquor in his pate o money in his purse when he looks so merrily. Enter HOST. How now, mine host! Host. How now, bully-rook! thou'rt a gentle man. Cavaleiro-justice, I say! Enter SHALLOW. 20 Shal. I follow, mine host, I follow. Go even and twenty, good Master Page! Mast Page. I never heard such a drawling, affecting Page, will you go with us? we have sport rogue. hand. Host. Tell him, cavaleiro-justice; tell him, bully-rook. Shai. Sir, there is a fray to be fought between Sir Hugh the Welsh priest and Caius the French doctor. Ford. with you. 210 Good mine host o' the Garter, a word [Drawing him aside. Hest. What sayest thou, my bully-rook? Shal. [To Page] Will you go with us to behold it? My merry host hath had the measuring of their weapons; and, I think, hath appointed them contrary places; for, believe me, I hear the parson is no jester. Hark, I will tell you what our sport shall be. [They converse apart. Host. Hast thou no suit against my knight, my guest-cavaleire? 221 Ford. None, I protest: but I'll give you a pottle of burnt sack to give me recourse to him and tell him my name is Brook; only for a jest. Host. My hand, bully; thou shalt have egress and regress:-said I well?-and thy name shall be Brook. It is a merry knight. Will you go, †An-heires? Shal. Have with you, mine host. Page. I have heard the Frenchman hath good skill in his rapier. 231 Shal. Tut, sir, I could have told you more. In these times you stand on distance, your passes, stoccadoes, and I know not what: 'tis the heart, Master Page; 'tis here, 'tis here. I have seen the time, with my long sword I would have made you four tall fellows skip like rats. Host. Here, boys, here, here! shall we wag? Page. Have with you. I had rather hear them scold than fight. 240 [Exeunt Host, Shal., and Page. Ford. Though Page be a secure fool, and stands so firmly on his wife's frailty, yet I cannot put off my opinion so easily: she was in his company at Page's house; and what they made there, I know not. Well, I will look further into't: and I have a disguise to sound Falstaff. If I find her honest, I lose not my labour; if she be otherwise, 'tis labour well bestowed. [Exit. SCENE II. A room in the Garter Inn. Enter FALSTAFF and PISTOL. Fal. Not a penny. I have been content, sir, you should lay my countenance to pawn: I have grated upon my good friends for three reprieves for you and your coach-fellow Nym; or else you had looked through the grate, like a geminy of baboons. I am damned in hell for swearing to gentlemen my friends, you were good soldiers and tall fellows; and when Mistress Bridget lost the handle of her fan, I took't upon mine honour thou hadst it not. Pist. Didst not thou share? hadst thou not fifteen pence? you. Fal Reason, you rogue, reason: thinkest thou I'll endanger my soul gratis? At a word, hang no more about me, I am no gibbet for Go. A short knife and a throng! To your manor of Pickt-hatch! Go. You'll not bear a letter for me, you rogue! you stand upon your honour! Why, thou unconfinable baseness, it is as much as I can do to keep the terms of my honour precise: I, I, I myself sometimes, leaving the fear of God on the left hand and hiding mine honour in my necessity, am fain to shuffle, to hedge and to lurch; and yet you, rogue, will ensconce your rags, your cat-a-mountain looks, your red-lattice phrases, and your bold-beating oaths, under the shelter of your honour! You will not do it, you! 30 Pist. I do relent: what would thou more of man? Fal. Let her approach. Enter MISTRESS QUICKLY. Quick. Give your worship good morrow. Quick. I'll be sworn, As my mother was, the first hour I was born. Fal. I do believe the swearer. What with me? Quick. Shall I vouchsafe your worship a word or two? Fal. Two thousand, fair woman: and I'll vouchsafe thee the hearing. Quick. There is one Mistress Ford, sir:-I pray, come a little nearer this ways:-I myself dwell with Master Doctor Caius, Fal. Well, on: Mistress Ford, you say,Quick. Your worship says very true: I pray your worship, come a little nearer this ways. Fal. I warrant thee, nobody hears; mine own people, mine own people. 50 Quick. Are they so? God bless them and make them his servants! Fal. Well, Mistress Ford; what of her? Quick. Why, sir, she's a good creature. Lord, Lord! your worship's a wanton! Well, heaven forgive you and all of us, I pray! Fal. Mistress Ford; come, Mistress Ford,Quick. Marry, this is the short and the long of it; you have brought her into such a canaries as 'tis wonderful. The best courtier of them all, when the court lay at Windsor, could never have brought her to such a canary. Yet there has been knights, and lords, and gentlemen, with their coaches, I warrant you, coach after coach, letter after letter, gift after gift; smelling so sweetly, all musk, and so rushling, I warrant you, in silk and gold; and in such alligant terms; and in such wine and sugar of the best and the fairest, that would have won any woman's heart; and, I warrant you, they could never get an eye-wink of her: I had myself twenty angels given me this morning; but I defy all angels, in any such sort, as they say, but in the way of honesty: and, Í warrant you, they could never get her so much as sip on a cup with the proudest of them all: and yet there has been earls, nay, which is more, pensioners; but, I warrant you, all is one with her. 80 Fal. But what says she to me? be brief, my good she-Mercury. Quick. Marry, she hath received your letter, for the which she thanks you a thousand times; 50 and she gives you to notify that her husband will be absence from his house between ten and eleven. Fal. Ten and eleven? Quick. Ay, forsooth; and then you may come and see the picture, she says, that you wot of: Master Ford, her husband, will be from home. Alas! the sweet woman leads an ill life with him: he's a very jealousy man: she leads a very frampold life with him, good heart. Fal. Ten and eleven. Woman, commend me to her; I will not fail her. Quick. Why, you say well. But I have another messenger to your worship. Mistress Page hath her hearty commendations to you too: and let me tell you in your ear, she's as fartuous a civil modest wife, and one, I tell you, that will not miss you morning nor evening prayer, as any is in Windsor, whoe'er be the other: and she bade me tell your worship that her husband is seldom from home; but she hopes there will I never knew a woman so dote come a time. upon a man: surely I think you have charms, la; yes, in truth. Fal. Not I, I assure thee: setting the attraction of my good parts aside I have no other charms. III Quick. Blessing on your heart for't! Fal. But, I pray thee, tell me this: has Ford's wife and Page's wife acquainted each other how they love me? Quick. That were a jest indeed! they have not so little grace, I hope: that were a trick in deed! But Mistress Page would desire you to send her your little page, of all loves: her husband has a marvellous infection to the little page; and Never a truly Master Page is an honest man. wife in Windsor leads a better life than she does: do what she will, say what she will, take all, pay all, go to bed when she list, rise when she list, all is as she will and truly she deserves it; for if there be a kind woman in Windsor, she is one. You must send her your page; no remedy. Fal. Why, I will. Quick. Nay, but do so, then: and, look you, he may come and go between you both; and in any case have a nay-word, that you may know one another's mind, and the boy never need to understand any thing; for 'tis not good that children should know any wickedness: old folks, you know, have discretion, as they say, and know the world. Fal. Fare thee well: commend me to them both: there's my purse; I am yet thy debtor. Boy, go along with this woman. [Exeunt Mistress Quickly and Robin.] This news distracts me! Pist. This punk is one of Cupid's carriers: Clap on more sails; pursue; up with your fights: Give fire: she is my prize, or ocean whelm them [Exit. Fal. Sayest thou so, old Jack? go thy ways; I'll make more of thy old body than I have done. Will they yet look after thee? Wilt thou, after the expense of so much money, be now a gainer? Good body, I thank thee. Let them say 'tis grossly done; so it be fairly done, no matter. all! Enter BARDOLPH. below would fain speak with you, and be ac- Such Fal. Call him in. [Exit Bardolph.] 160 Fal. And you, sir! Would you speak with me? Ford. I make bold to press with so little preparation upon you. What's your will? [Exit Bardolph. Fal. You're welcome. Fal. Good Master Brook, I desire more acquaintance of you. Ford. Good Sir John, I sue for yours: not to charge you; for I must let you understand I think myself in better plight for a lender than you are: the which hath something emboldened me to this unseasoned intrusion; for they say, if¦ money go before, all ways do lie open. Fal. Money is a good soldier, sir, and will on. Ford. Troth, and I have a bag of money here troubles me: if you will help to bear it, Sir John, | take all, or half, for easing me of the carriage. Fal. Sir, I know not how I may deserve to be your porter. 181 Ford. I will tell you, sir, if you will give me the hearing. Fal. Speak, good Master Brook: I shall be glad to be your servant. Ford. Sir, I hear you are a scholar,-I will be brief with you, and you have been a man long known to me, though I had never so good means, as desire, to make myself acquainted with you. I shall discover a thing to you, wherein I must very much lay open mine own imperfection: but, good Sir John, as you have one eye upon my follies, as you hear them unfolded, turn another into the register of your own; that I may pass with a reproof the easier, sith you yourself know how easy it is to be such an offender. Fal. Very well, sir; proceed. 200 Ford. I have long loved her, and, I protest to you, bestowed much on her; followed her with a doting observance; engrossed opportunities to meet her; fee'd every slight occasion that could but niggardly give me sight of her; not only bought many presents to give her, but have given largely to many to know what she would have given; briefly, I have pursued her as love hath pursued me; which hath been on the wing of all occasions. But whatsoever I have merited, either in my mind or in my means, meed, I am sure, I have received none; unless experience be a jewel that I have purchased at an infinite rate, and that hath taught me to say this: 'Love like a shadow flies when substance love pursues; Bard. Sir John, there's one Master Brook Pursuing that that flies, and flying what pursues.' |