A CHRISTMAS CAROL.

107

A CHRISTMAS CAROL IN HONOUR OF MAGA.

SUNG BY THE CONTRIBUTORS.

Noo-hearken till me-and I'll beat Mathews or Yates a' to sticks wi my impersonations.

1 For Colonel O'Shaughnessy see two articles in Blackwood's Magazine,

vol. xxi., written by Dr Macnish.

1 Dr Macnish, the author of The Anatomy of Drunkenness and The Philosophy of Sleep, wrote several articles in Blackwood's Magazine under the signature of "A Modern Pythagorean." He practised as a physician in Glasgow, where he died in 1837.

MOORE'S THEORY OF GENIUS.

109

North. Admirable impersonations! The faculty of imitation always belongs, in excess, to original minds.

Shepherd. Does't?

North. Mimicry is the farthest thing in the wide world from imitation.

Shepherd. Na. No the farthest thing in the wide warld, sir; but I cheerfully grant that a man may be a mere mime and nae imitawtor. I'm baith.

North. And besides, an original.

Shepherd. At Mister Muir again, sir, tooth and nail!

North. "The very habits of abstraction and self-study to which the occupations of men of genius lead, are in themselves necessarily of an unsocial and detaching tendency, and require a large portion of allowance and tolerance not to be set down as unamiable." So argueth Mr Moore, and that is another reason why men of genius are not "fitted for the calm affections and comforts that form the cement of domestic life."

Shepherd. I howp, sir, there's no muckle truth in that, although it soun's like a sort o' vague pheelosophy. Demolish't. North. The habits of abstraction and self-study, of which Mr Moore here speaks, are those of the poet. Now, so far from being, in themselves, necessarily of an unsocial and detaching tendency, they are pervaded by sympathy with all that breathes; and were that sympathy to die, so would the abstraction and self-study of the poet. True, that they seek and need seclusion from cark and care; and sometimes-say often-even from the common ongoings of domestic life. But what then? Do not all professions and pursuits in this life do the same?

Shepherd. Ay, ye may weel ask that! A lawyer routin hours every day at the bar, and then dictatin papers or opinions a' afternoon, evening, and nicht, on to past his natural bed-time-are his habits, pray, "better fitted for the calm affections and comforts that form the cement of domestic life," than them that's natural to the poet?

North. I should think not, James. They are very different from those of the poet-but much more disagreeable, and requiring, again to use Mr Moore's words, a large "portion of allowance and tolerance not to be set down as unamiable."

Shepherd. Yet amaist a' the lawyers I ken in the Parliament

110

HIS THEORY DEMOLISHED.

House' are excellent domestic characters,-that is to say, far frae being the dour deevils you wad suppose aforehaun' frae hearin them gullerin at the bar, and flytin on ane anither like sae mony randies. Gin they can fling aff the growl wi' the goun, and frae lawyers become men, mayna poets far mair easily and successfully do the same?

2

North. Undoubtedly, James. You might instance, in like manner, physicians and clergymen

Shepherd. Ay, the classes that profess to tak especial care o' our twa pairts, the body and the sowl. Hoo profoun', sir, ocht to be their self-study, and their study o' ither folk! Physicians, ane micht think, seein folk deein nicht and day, in a' manner o' agonies, and bein' accustomed to pocket fees by the death-bed-side, would become, in the core o' their hearts, as callous as custocks; and I shanna say that some o' them do not

North. Most eminent physicians are good men; and, what is better, pleasant men

Shepherd. What? Is't better to be pleasant than good?

North. Yes, James, for our present argument. According to Mr Moore, they, too, ought "to require a larger portion of allowance and tolerance, not to be set down as unamiable."

Shepherd. Then the clergy, again, were they to devote theirsels, tooth and nail, to their manifold duties, ane micht argue that they would hae time neither to sleep nor eat, nor attend to the ither common comforts and affections that form the cement of domestic life. Yet the clergy are far frae being a very immoral, irreligious, or home-hating class of people; and manses are amazingly crowded wi' weans, sir, on the very sma'est steepens

North. Why, certainly, according to Mr Moore's argument, a deep divine, engaged on some great theological work, would make but an indifferent husband. But look at him, James— yes, look at our Dr Wodrow

Shepherd. And look, I beseech you, at his pew o' weans. North. All the most distinguished poets of the age in Britain, are either middle-aged, or elderly, or old gentlemen. They are, therefore, not at all dangerous, personally, to the 1 The Parliament House in Edinburgh corresponds to Westminster Hall in London.

2 Randies-scolding women.

3 Custocks-stalks of colewort.

SUCCESSFUL LOVE-VERSE MAKERS

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fair sex-Cupid sneers at them-Venus jeers-and Hymen weeps, like a crocodile, with his hands in his breeches pockets. Shepherd. Haw! haw! haw!

North. Breathe the tender passion as they may, not a young lady in the land who would not prefer to the best of them, any undeformed ensign in a marching regiment, either of the foot or the dragoons.

Shepherd. The sex has been aye desperate fond o' the army. North. It is fortunate for some of the old bards that they have wives. Crabbe, Bowles, Wordsworth, Southey, Moore, and others—fourscore-threescore-and-ten-and threescorehave long been happily provided with that leading article. So are Milman and Barry Cornwall, and most of "the rest" between forty and fifty; two or three are widowers-and the remainder likely to remain bachelors for life. Not a female bosom beats, with a pulsation worthy the name of beating, at this moment, for any British bard.

Shepherd. I'm no sae sure o' that, sir. But prate awa.

North. The sex regard all the bachelors as so many old foggies-as so many uncles; and the idea would be too much for the gravity of any of the dear creatures, of the celebration of her marriage rites with the prettiest and most popular poet, seeing that he is aged, either by a bishop or a blacksmith. Shepherd. Prate awa, sir-prate awa.

North. The truth is, that, in modern times at least, poets, whatever their time of life, have been held rather cheap by the fair sex. I suspect it was the same in the ancient worldand in the days of chivalry and romance, singing certainly was less esteemed by young ladies than fighting, and a poet with his pen had no chance whatever against a knight with his lance. Shepherd. Prate awa, sir-prate awa.

North. There are reasons for all this lying deep in human

nature.

Shepherd. Lying deep in human nature! Doun wi' the bucket, and then roun' wi' the windlass, and up wi't again fu' o' the clear waters frae the well o' truth.

North. Making love, and making love-verses, are two of the most different things in the world; and I doubt if both accomplishments were ever found highly united in the same gifted individual. Few Irishmen, in the first, excel Tom Moore; in 1 Foggie-properly an invalid soldier; generally, a drone.