COZENING COUSINS AND CAUSTIC COMPLIMENTS.

"I am no herald to enquire of men's pedigrees; it sufficeth me if I know their virtues."-SIDNEY.

"I do fawn on men and hug them hard,

And after scandal them." -SHAKSPEARE.

WERE I a monk, I would rather be a Cenobite than of the Eremitical class; I am by nature much more gregarious than an affecter of any sequestration

From open haunts and popularity."

Solitude once pronounced its own condemnation, when it enabled me to read Zimmerman's book all through, and the only character that excites in my mind the smallest misanthropy is a misanthrope: but still society, as it is now constituted in the genteel world, exacts so many sacrifices without rendering any equivalent, compels one to live so much for others and so little for one's self, that I question whether the companionship of rural shades be not more sociable, as it is indisputably more beneficial. "Nunquam minus solus quam cùm solus," said an ancient moralist; and I may reverse the dictum and exclaim, never more alone than when in a mob. I care not in what "dingle or bushy dell" I bury myself in the country, for its silence and seclusion constitute its natural charms; but the loneliness of a crowd, the solitude of a city, the acquaintanceship of familiar strangers and strange familiars-ugh! the recollection is heart-sickening. However simple and philosophical in your personal habits, you must begin, of course, with a handsome establishment, for your genteel friends will not come to a shabby house; that is to say, you must live for visitants who call upon you to kill time and dine with you, to share your bottle, not your heart;-for horses whom you hate to employ, if, like me, you prefer walking; and for numerous domestics, who invariably do less, the less they have to do. A grand prior of France once abusing Palaprat for beating his servant, he replied in a rage, "Zounds! sir, his conduct is unpardonable; for though I have but this one I am every bit as badly served as you who have thirty!" Had I been even rich enough to purchase the right of becoming a slave to my own establishment, and of sacrificing the reality of enjoyment for its appearances, I do not think I should have fallen into a trap so poorly baited; but my means were hardly adequate to the purchase of the wreaths and gilding in which the victims of fashion must be tricked out, though I was quite rich enough to make myself happy in my snug little cottage between Sutton and Epsom.

Though the world has very little gratitude for those who become its slaves, it hates those who appear to be independent of it. Nothing could be more innocent than my life, devoted as it was to one or two friends, books, music, and the muses, who, it is well known, like most other blue stockings, are very chaste and virtuous old maids; but, because I did not choose to visit every body, I got the reputation of being a person whom nobody visited, which, in default of any actual peg on which to hang an accusation, was generally repeated with sundry dark inuendoes and mysterious looks, though the more charitable did me the justice to admit that I was nothing more than a humorist—an ascetick-a little touched here, as they said with a significant tap of the forehead. This I heeded not, but I thought it odd that my rela

tions, of whom I had an extensive circle in London, rarely honoured me with the smallest notice, though I rather sought to excuse than aggravate their neglect. After all, said I to myself, what is the justice of this claim upon the affections founded upon relationship? There is the moral affection of children towards their parents standing upon the parents basis of gratitude, and there is the still stronger affection of towards their offspring, which is a natural instinct implanted for the preservation of the species; but how mere consanguinity, attended, perhaps, with the greatest possible dissimilarity of habits, is to establish any legitimate claim upon the heart, I am utterly at a loss to explain. Why uncles and aunts, nephews and nieces, and cousins to the third and fourth degree, aliens to my tastes, though kinsmen by blood, should conceive themselves to have a better title than the congenial friends of my selection, I profess not to comprehend. Job complains that even his kinsfolk have failed him, and why should I expect mine to be unalterable in their attachments?

Thus did I argue in justification of my numerous relatives who were too busy to visit me, even by the post; and candour compels me to admit that the charge of their neglect is to be received with certain qualifications and exceptions. By some mysterious affinity the sunflower turns towards the luminary whence it derives its name; lunatics preserve an inexplicable sympathy with the moon; an occult attraction directs the needle to the north; the divining rod oscillates in obscure communion with the subterranean spring; and by some such recondite law did the affections of my kindred duly point southwest from London, and the fountains of their hearts reveal themselves to me at a certain month of the year, nay, at a certain week of that month, even on certain days of that week, nor could I ever discover the cause of my hebdomadal popularity, though I remarked that it inAt this variably coincided with the celebration of the Epsom races. period the whole genealogical tree came to plant itself upon my lawn, and all the branches of cognation spread themselves over my cottage. I felt like a patriarch rejoicing in the numbers of his tribe; and though I subsequently regretted the havoc of my poultry-yard, and the attenuation of my favourite bin of port, I delighted in the recovery of my kindly feelings towards my relatives, and in this irrefragable proof that they wanted nothing but a favourable opportunity for testifying their affectionate and disinterested regard. So far from any appearance of coldness and indifference on their parts, many of them were of opinion that they would be enabled to leave London about the same period next year, and, knowing that I hated ceremony, frankly invited themselves to renew their visit.

Circumstances shortly enabled them to give a fuller developement to their cordial and genuine attachment. An old fellow collegian left me a considerable legacy, upon the strength of which I married a lady of great respectability and congenial age, with whom I had been acquainted nearly fifteen years; and in the three first months, I think, I paid eleven pounds for postage of letters from collaterals, whose affinity it would have puzzled the Heralds' College to discover; besides receiving, Heaven knows how many, visits from claimants of consanguinity equally near, and dear, and unknown. Oh, the worlds of good advice showered upon me when it was whispered that I was about to marry! I began to doubt my own identity. Surely, methought, I

must be a minor, or a ward of chancery, or a lunatic, to be thus schooled, and lectured, and catechised, by people who conceive the most remote relationship to be a warrant for impertinent advice, though they would not acknowledge it were urged as a plea for their affording me the smallest assistance. Not an individual article of my household establishment escaped censure—my own tables were turned against me -I had ante-nuptial curtain lectures-I could not sleep for my bedsmy walls originated a paper war, and my coal-scuttle kindled a fierce controversy. One of my fiftieth female cousins, whose husband, a dashing broker, had kept a carriage for six months previous to his bankruptcy, assured me, with pompous complacency, that she could speak from experience about horses, and that I should find it much better to job them. I chose, however, to purchase; one of them shortly died, and, instead of sympathising with my loss, she became rampant with delight at the verification of her prognostics. Not one of the family clan had weighed in their minds whether my wife was suitable or not I had reflected upon it for fifteen years; yet they all obtruded an opinion, and many presumed to condemn my choice. Verily, said I, in a pet, relations are the most impertinent people upon the face of the earth, but I recalled the uncharitable words upon reflection; and in this flattering interest in all my concerns, from the greatest to the most trifling, I beheld at least their acquittal from the charge of neglect and indifference, which I had formerly brought against them.

I have said that I hate a misanthrope; and to illustrate the danger of rashly forming illiberal opinions, I feel bound to state that one of these very kinsmen whom I had accused of apathy, came forward in the most friendly manner to borrow a sum of money of me, paying me, as he declared, the compliment of his first application, even at the risk of offending a nearer and a richer relative: another kindly gave me the preference, quite unsolicited on my part, of joining him in a weighty bond; and a third, in the handsomest manner, offered me the privilege of becoming security for his son, when he placed him out as a banker's clerk. I feel it my duty to acknowledge that innumerable other favours of this sort have been conferred upon me by these calumniated cognates. Even my wife's relations, who, by some hocuspocus of pedigree and transmutation of blood, had become mine, were eager to distinguish themselves in this contest of love. Two of them have affectionately consented to become inmates in our house, and I am besides allowed to pay for the schooling of two dear little boys, whom I have not yet had the pleasure of seeing. Madame de Staël says, that we must sometimes give fame a long credit, but that, if there be any thing due to us, she will be sure to pay it in the long run: so it is with relations; their merits may be obscured for a time, but ultimately they force themselves upon our notice. I have recorded the instances of liberality which I have myself experienced, and I doubt not that the recollection of the reader will suggest many congenial traits in his own circle, not less striking and apposite.

There is, in fact, much more liberality in the world than is generally supposed, while its generosity with other people's money is almost unlimited. I never knew an heiress or a girl of fortune whose portion was not doubled or tripled, which at least shews the good wishes of the narrators. If she be not married, this exaggerated statement is, to be sure, apt to be adduced as a proof that there must be something

serious against her, or, with such immense wealth, she would have gone off long ago; and if she do marry, folks are prone to exclaim— No wonder, with thirty thousand pounds-the pill required a good deal of gilding:"-but still the generosity of these gratuitous donations remains unimpeached.

Nor is this munificence confined to females. I was executor to my old friend Ned Evelyn, who left ten thousand pounds to each of his nephews, Sidney and Frank Stapleton; the former of whom, a prudent man with a young family, made no alteration in his establishment, and was immediately anathematized as an avaricious old hunks; in fact, a complete miser, who kept living on in the same mean style, although his rich old uncle had lately left him twenty-five thousand pounds! Frank, a thoughtless fellow, embarked his legacy in an unfortunate speculation, and fell into speedy embarrassment, when the world fairly raised up its eyes and shoulders in amazement at the wasteful profligacy which, in so short a time, could have run through forty thousand pounds; though they were aware that much could be done when a man combined mistresses, horses, and gaming. In vain did I protest that he inherited no such sum; they happened to know it: one of their particular friends had seen the receipt for the legacy-duty paid in Doctors' Commons, and it really was scandalous in a man who had three such dear beautiful little children. What can be more amiable than the sympathy universally expressed upon such occasions for a man's unprovided, and interesting, and charming cherubs? be confessed, that their beauties and accomplishments are frequently left unnoticed until they can be converted into a reproach against the parent; and after they have served that purpose, are too often forgotten, but then the feeling at the moment is so kind-hearted-so considerate -so benevolent!

Let me repeat, however, that a man is sure of ultimate justice from the world, however his virtues may be for a time eclipsed. My neighbour Sir Toby Harbottle always appeared to me to deserve the character universally assigned to him-that of an ignorant, drunken profligate; but no sooner did his wife, a most amiable and exemplary woman, separate herself from him in the unconquerable disgust of his incurable vices, than she was assailed with every species of obloquy; while it turned out that Sir Toby, as good and honest a fellow as ever lived, had been originally driven to drinking by the unkindness of his demure Xantippe of a wife. Now, I should have known nothing of all this, but for that stern and inflexible, though sometimes tardy, justice which the world delights to exercise upon those who are the objects of its notice.

A certain author's first publication appeared to me sufficiently common-place, but the last is admitted, even by his friends, to be a decided failure, and I now hear people exclaiming-" Well, there was talent and genius in his former production; and so I always said, though many thought otherwise, and I am the more surprised that he should publish such miserable trash and rubbish as this." I have not the least recollection of the admission for which these good folks take credit as to the preceding work; but it is truly pleasing to observe with what ingenuous candour they acknowledge a man's early merits when they serve to signalize his late failure.

H.

A VISIT TO BLNEHEIM.

If the munificent sum which has been voted to purchase a domain for the Duke of Wellington and his descendants, should be the means, a hundred years hence, of beautifying the face of England with a spot like Blenheim, the battle of Waterloo will not have been fought in vain! I fear the task I have undertaken, of describing a few of the scenes which present themselves to the spectator in wandering over this rich and unrivalled spot, is somewhat presumptuous. To delineate any one particular scene from a particular point of view, (such, for instance, as those from the summit of Mount Saint Catherine's, in Normandy-or the Devil's Dyke, near Brighton) is not very difficult; for there the objects forming the scene lay mapped out before you, immoveable and unchanging in their expression; and you may draw a portrait of the whole which they form, just as you may draw a human face that sits fixed before you for that purpose. But to paint a scene, the character of which is to be ever changing its character, which does not present any thing like the same aspect from any two points of view, is like endeavouring to catch the tints of the rainbow as they come and go, or to copy the general expression of a human countenance, while it is every moment being moved and animated by a different particular expression. I believe there are one or two portrait-painters of our day who can achieve this latter. If I can imitate them, while drawing a sketch of Blenheim Park and its appurtenances, I shall be more successful than I anticipate. But I must venture to attempt this; because I think that in no other way can these scenes be laid before a reader, who either has or has not seen them, with any prospect of their either recalling to the former, or creating for the latter, an interest like that which is felt during the actual contemplation of them.

In order that we may give these scenes the advantages arising from contrast and association, as well as those belonging intrinsically to themselves, without reference to any thing external from them, let us visit them immediately on our arrival from a distant spot-say the metropolis. Notwithstanding the great picturesque beauty conferred on our English scenery, by the nature of our roads and inclosures, these are not without their disadvantages with reference to the same point. In travelling through other countries, from the completely open nature of the scenery, we may expatiate freely on all about us, and fancy that we possess a kind of dominion over it. There are no obstacles to our progress in any direction, scarcely in fact, and not at all in imagination; and this latter is, generally, all that is necessary in the cases to which I am alluding, where one likes to wander hither and thither, exercising the mind at the same time with the body. But in Englandat least in those parts of it in which the scenery possesses any thing characteristic and peculiar to itself, we are precluded from doing this. We cannot help feeling that we are

cabin'd, cribb'd, confined,

Bound in by saucy banks and hedges.

Thus far we may go, and no farther.-If our roads wind about beautifully, like the course of a river, like that, they are confined within fixed bounds; and the passengers on the one feel that they can no