Ford's House. 5 Fal. Mistress Ford, I cannot cog, I cannot prate, mistress Ford. Now shall I sin in my wish: I would thy husband were dead; I'll speak it before the best lord, I would make thee my lady. Mrs. Ford. I your lady, sir John! alas, I should be a pitiful lady. Fal. Let the court of France shew me such Enter Mrs. Ford, Mrs. Page, and servants with another: I see how thine eye would emulate the a basket. diamond: Thou hast the right arched bent of the 10 brow, that becomes the ship-tire, the tire-valiant, or any tire of Venetian admittance. Mrs.Ford. Aplain kerchief, sir John: my brows become nothing else; nor that well neither. Mrs. Ford. Marry, as I told you before, John, and Robert, be ready here hard by in the brewhouse; and when I suddenly call on you, come 20 Mrs. Ford. Believe me, there's no such thing Fal. Thou art a traitor to say so; thou would'st 15 inake an absolute courtier; and the firm fixture of thy foot would give an excellent motion to thy gait, in a semi-circled farthingale. I see what thou wert, if fortune thy foe were not; nature is thy friend: Come, thou can'st not hide it. forth, and (without any pause, or staggering) take this basket on your shoulders: that done, trudge with it in all haste, and carry it among the whitsters in Datchet mead, and there empty it in the muddy ditch, close by the Thames side. in me. Mrs. Page. You will do it? Fal. What made me love thee? let that persuade thee, there's something extraordinary in thee. Come, I cannot cog, and say, thou art this 25 and that, like a many of these lisping haw-thorn buds, that come like women in men's apparel, and smell like Buckler's-bury' in simple-time; I cannot: but I love thee; none but thee; and thou deservest it. 1 Mrs. Ford. I have told them over and over; Mrs. Page. Here comes little Robin. Mrs. Ford. How now, my eyas-musket?? what news with you? 30 Mrs. Ford. Do not betray me, sir; I fear you love mistress Page. Fal. Thou might'st as well say I love to walk by the Counter-gate; which is as hateful to me as the reek of a lime-kiln. door, mistress Ford; and requests your company. 35 Mrs. Ford. Well, heaven knows how I love Rob. My master sir John is come in at your back Mrs. Page. You little Jack-a-lent', have you you; and you shall one day find it. been true to us? Fal. Keep in that mind; I'll deserve it. Rob. Ay, I'll be sworn: My master knows not of your being here; and hath threaten'd to put Mrs. Ford. Nay, I must tell you, so you do; or else I could not be in that mind. for, he swears, he'll turn me away. me into everlasting liberty, if I tell you of it; 40 Rob. [Within.] Mistress Ford, mistress Ford! Mrs. Page. Thou'rt a good boy; this secrecy of thine shall be a tailor to thee, and shall make thee a new doublet and hose.-I'll go hide me. here's mistress Page at the door, sweating, and blowing, and looking wildly, and would needs speak with you presently. Fal. She shall not see me; I will ensconce me Mrs. Ford. Doso: Gotellthy master, I am alone. 45 behind the arras. Mistress Page, remember you your cue. [ExitRob. Mrs. Page. I warrant thee; if I do not act it, hiss me. [Exit Mrs. Page. Mrs. Ford. Go to, then; we'll use this unwholesome humidity, this gross watry pumpion; 50 -we'll teach you to know turtles from jays. Enter Falstaff. Fal. Have I caught thee, my heavenly jewel? Why, now let me die, for I have liv'd long enough; this is the period of my ambition: 055 this blessed hour! Mrs. Ford. O sweet sir John! 1 Mrs. Ford. Pray you do so; she's a very tattling woman. [Falstaff hides himself. Enter Mrs. Puge. What's the matter? how now? Mrs. Page. O mistress Ford, what have you done? you're sham'd, you are overthrown, you are undone for ever. Mrs. Ford. What's the matter, good mistress Page? Mrs. Page. O well-a-day, mistress Ford! having an honest man to your husband, to give him such cause of suspicion! 2 Pipe is known to be a vessel of wine, now containing two hogsheads. Pipe wine is therefore wine, not from the bottle, but the pipe; and the jest consists in the ambiguity of the word, which signifies both a cask of wine, and a musical instrument. Eyas-musket is the same as infant Lilliputian. A Jack o' lent was a puppet thrown at in Lent, like shrove-cocks. The speaker here tells his mistress, she had a face that would become all the head-dresses in fashion. That is, to thy own merit. Buckler's-bury, in the time of Shakspeare, was chiefly inhabited by druggists, who sold all kinds of herbs, green as well as dry. Mrs. Ford. Mrs. Ford. What cause of suspicion ? Mrs. Page. What cause of suspicion?-Out upon you!-how am I mistook in you! Mrs. Ford. Why, alas! what's the matter? Mrs. Page. Your husband's coming hither, wo-5 man, with all the officers in Windsor, to search for a gentleman, that, he says, is here now in the house, by your consent, to take an ill advantage of his absence: You are undone. Mrs. Ford. Speak louder.-[Aside.] 'Tis not 10 so, I hope. Mrs. Page. Pray heaven it be not so, that you have such a man here; but 'tis most certain your husband's coming with half Windsor at his heels, Ford. Buck? I would I could wash myself of the buck! Buck, buck, buck? Ay, buck; I war rant you, buck; and of the season, too, it shall appear. [Exeunt Servants with the basket.] Gentlemen, I have dream'd to-night; I'll tell you my dream. Here, here, here be my keys: ascend my chambers, search, seek, find out: I'll warrant we'll unkennel the fox:-Let me stop this way first:-So, now, uncape2. Page. Good master Ford, be contented: you wrong yourself too much. Ford. True, master Page.-Up, gentlemen; you shall see sport anon: follow me, gentlemen. [Exit. to search for such a one. I come before to tell 15 Eva. This is fery fantastical humours, and you: If you know yourself clear, why I am glad of it: but if you have a friend here, convey him, convey him out. Be not amaz'd; call all your senses to you; defend your reputation, or bid farewell to your good life for ever. Mrs. Ford. What shall I do?-There is a gentleman, my dear friend; and I fear not mine own shame, so much as his peril: I had rather than a thousand pound, he were out of the house. 20 jealousies. Caius. By gar, 'tis no de fashion of France: it is not jealous in France. Page. Nay, follow him, gentlemen; see the issue of his search. [Exeunt. Mrs. Page. Is there not a double excellency in this? Mrs. Ford. I know not which pleases me better, that my husband is deceiv'd, or sir John. Mrs. Page. For shame, never stand you had 25 Mrs. Page. What a taking was he in, when of any reasonable stature, he may creep in here; 30 Mrs. Page. Hang him, dishonest rascal! I would and throw foul linen upon him, as if it were going to bucking: Or, it is whiting-time, send him by your two men to Datchet mead. rather, and you had rather; your husband's here at hand, bethink you of some conveyance: in the house you cannot hide him. Oh, how have you deceived me!-Look, here is a basket; if he be your husband ask'd who was in the basket! Mrs. Ford. I am half afraid, he will have need of washing; so throwing him into the water will do him a benefit. all of the same strain were in the same distress. Mrs. Ford. I think, my husband hath some special suspicion of Falstaff's being here; for I never saw him so gross in his jealousy till now. 35 Mrs. Page. I will lay a plot to try that: And we will yet have more tricks with Falstaff: his dissolute disease will scarce obey this medicine. Mrs. Ford. Shall we send that foolish carrion, mistress Quickly, to him, and excuse his throw Mrs. Ford. He's too big to go in there: What shall I do? Re-enter Falstaff. Fal. Let me see't, let me see 't! O let me see't! I'll in, I'll in;-follow your friend's counsel; I'll in. Mrs. Page. What! sir John Falstaff? Are these 40 ing into the water; and give him another hope, your letters, knight? Fal. I love thee, -help me away: let me creep in here; I'll never to betray him to another punishment? Mrs. Page. We'll do it; let him be sent for to-morrow, eight o'clock, to have amends. Re-enter Ford, Page, and the rest at a distance. [linen. [He goes into the basket, they cover him with foul Mrs. Page. Help to cover your master, boy: 45 Ford. I cannot find him: may be the knave Call your men, mistress Ford:-- You dissembling knight! Mrs. Ford. What, John, Robert, John! Go, take up these clothes here, quickly; ; Where's the cowl brag'd of that he could not compass. Mrs. Page. Heard you that? Mrs. Ford. 1, I; peace: You use me well, master Ford, do you? staff? look, how you drumble': carry them to the 50 Ford. Ay, I do so. 1 Look, how you drumble, means, how confused you are. In the North, drumbled ale, means muddy, disturb'd ale. * This alludes to the stopping every hole at which a fox could enter, before they uncupe or turn himout of the bag in which he was brought. Every one has heard of a bag-fox. Page. Page. Fie, fie, master Ford! are you not -asham'd? what spirit, what devil suggests this imagination? I would not have your distemper in this kind, for the wealth of Windsor Castle. Enter Shallow, Slender, and Mrs. Quickly. Shal. Break their talk, mistress Quickly; my kinsman shall speak for himself. Slen. I'll make a shaft or a bolt on't: 'slid, 'tis Ford. 'Tis my fault, master Page: I suffer for it. 5 but venturing. wife is as honest a 'omans, as I will desires among Caius. By gar, I see 'tis an honest woman. Shal. Be not dismay'd. Slen. No, she shall not dismay me: I care not for that, but that I am afeard. Quic. Hark ye; master Slender would speak a Ford. Well;-I promis'd you a dinner:-Come, 10 word with you. come, walk in the park: I pray you pardon me; I will hereafter make known to you, why I have done this. Come, wife; come, mistress Page; I pray you pardon lon me; pray heartily, pardon me. Anne. I come to him. - This is my father's choice. Page. Let's go in, gentlemen; but, trust me, 15 Quic. And how does good master Fenton? we'll mock him. I do invite you to-morrow morning to my house to breakfast; after, we'll a birding together; I have a fine hawk for the bush: shall it be so? Ford. Any thing. Eva. If there is one, I shall make two in the company. Caius. If there be one or two, I shall make-a de turd. Eva. In your teeth :-for shame. Ford. Pray you go, master Page. Eva. I pray you now, remembrance to-mor row on the lousy knave, mine host. Caius. Dat is good; by gar, vit all my heart. pray you, a word with you. Shal. She's coming; to her, coz. O boy, thou hadst a father! Slen. I had a father, mistress Anne;-my un20 cle can tell you good jests of him:-Pray you, uncle, tell mistress Anne the jest, how my father stole two geese out of a pen, good uncle. Shal. Mistress Anne, my cousin loves you. 25 man in Gloucestershire. Shal. He will maintain you like a gentlewoman. Slen. Ay, that I will, 'come cut and long-tail, under the degree of a 'squire. Shal. He will make you a hundred and fifty Era. A lousy knave; to have his gibes, and 30 pounds jointure. his mockeries. SCENI IV. [Exeunt. Enter Fenton and Mistress Anne Page. Fent. I see, I cannot get thy father's love; Therefore no more turn me to him, sweet Nan. Anne. Alas! how then? Fent. Why, thou must be thyself. Anne. Good master Shallow, let him woo for himself. Shal. Marry, I thank you for it; I thank you for that-good comfort. She calls you, coz: I'll 35 leave you. Anne. Now, master Slender. He doth object, I am too great of birth: [pence, 40 jest indeed! I ne'er made my will yet, I thank Slen. My will? od's heartlings, that's a pretty Besides these, other bars he lays before me,- Anne. May be, he tells you true. Fent. No, heaven so speed me in iny time to Albeit, I will confess, thy father's wealth Was the first motive that I woo'd thee, Anne: 50 father; here he comes. Yet, wooing thee, I found thee of more value Than stamps in gold, or sums in sealed bags; And 'tis the very riches of thyself That now I aim at. Anne. Gentle master Fenton, You seek my father's love; still seek it, sir? If opportunity and humblest suit Enter Page and Mistress Page. Page. Now, master Slender:-Love him, daugh- Why how now! what does master Fenton here? That is, come poor, or rich, to offer himself as my rival. The phrase is derived from the forest Jaws, according to which, a man who had no right to the privilege of chace, was obliged to cut or law his dog, amongst other modes of disabling him, by depriving him of his tail. A dog so cut was called a cut, or curt-tail, and by contraction cur. Cut and long-tail therefore signified nified the dog of a clown, and the dog of a gentleman. 2 A proverbial expression. Fent. Fent. Sir, will you hear me? Page. No, good master Fenton. Come, master Shallow;--come, son Slender; in: Knowing my mind, you wrong me, master Fenton. [Exeunt Page, Shallow, and Slender. 5 [daughter Quic. Speak to mistress Page. Fent. Good mistress Page, for that I love your In such a righteous fashion as I do, [ners, Perforce, against all checks, rebukes, and manI must advance the colours of my love, And not retire: Let me have your good-will. [fool. Anne. Good mother, do not marry me to yon' Mrs. Page. I mean it not; I seek you a better husband. Quic. That's my master, master doctor. Anne. Alas, I had rather be set quick i' the earth, And bowl'd to death with turnips!. Mrs. Page. Come, trouble not yourself: Good master Fenton, I will not be your friend, nor enemy : Fent. Fal. Come, let me pour in some sack to the Thames water; for my belly's as cold as if I had swallow'd snow-balls for pills to cool the reins. 10 Call her in. Till then, farewell, sir:-She must needs go in; Her father will beangry. [Exe. Mrs. Page & Anne. Farewell, gentle mistress; farewell, Nan. 25 Quic. This is my doing now:-Nay, said I, will you castaway your child on a fool, anda physician? Look on, master Fenton:-this is my doing. Fent. I thank thee; and I pray thee once tonight give my sweet Nan this ring: There's for 30 thy pains. [Exit. Fal. Mistress Ford! I have had ford enough: I was thrown into the ford; I have my belly-full of ford. Quic. Alas the day! good heart, that was not her fault: she does so take on with her men; they mistook their erection. Fal. So did I mine, to build upon a foolish woman's promise. Quic. Well, she laments, sir, for it, that it would yern your heart to see it. Her husband goes this morning a birding; she desires you once more to come to her between eight and nine: I must carry her word quickly: she'll make you Quic. Now heaven send thee good fortune! A kind heart he hath: a woman would run through fire and water for such a kind heart. But yet, I would my master had mistress Anne; or I would 35 amends, I warrant you. master Slender had her; or, in sooth, I would master Fenton had her: I will do what I can for them all three; for so I have promis'd, and I'll be as good as my word; but speciously for master Fal. Well, I will visit her: Tell her so: and bid her think, what a man is: let her consider his frailty, and then judge of my merit. Quic. I will tell her. Fenton. Well, I must of another errand to sir 40 Ful. Do so. Between nine and ten, say'st thou? John Falstaff from my two mistresses: What a beast am I to slack it! SCENE V. The Garter inn. Enter Falstaff and Bardolph. [Exit. Fal. Bardolph, I say. Enter Ford. Bard. Here, sir. Ford. Bless you, sir! Fal. Go fetch me a quart a quart of sack; puta toast in't. Fal. Now, master Brook? you come to know [Exit Bardolph.] Have I liv'd to be carried in a 50 what hath pass'd between me and Ford's wife? year's-gift. The rogues slighted me into the river 55 Fal. Very ill-favour'dly, master Brook. with as little remorse as they would have drown'd Ford. How, sir? Did she change her deter a bitch's blind puppies, fifteen i' the litters and you may know by my size, that I have a kind of alacrity in sinking; if the bottom were as deep as hell, I should down. I had been drown'd, but 60 continual 'larum of jealousy, comes me in the mination? Fal. No, master Brook: but the peaking cornuto her husband, master Brook, dwelling in a that the shore was shelvy and shallow; a death that I abhor; for the water swells a man; and what a A common proverb in the southern counties of England. 1 She intends to say, specially. instant of our encounter, after we had embrac'd, kiss'd, protested, and as it were, spoke the pro That is, some time to-night. logue ted in their own grease: think of that, -a man of my kidney'-think of that; that am as subject to heat as butter; a man of continual dissolution and thaw; it was a miracle to 'scape suffocation. And 5 in the height of this bath, when I was more than half stew'd in grease, like a Dutch dish, to be thrown into the Thames, and cool'd, glowing hot, in that surge, like a horse-shoe; think of thathissing hot-think of that, master Brook. Fal. You shall hear. As good luck would have it, comes in one mistress Page; gives intelli-10 gence of Ford's approach; and by her invention, and Ford's wife's distraction, they convey'd me into a buck-basket. Ford. A buck-basket! Ford. In good sadness, sir, I am sorry that for my sake you have suffer'd all this. My suit is then desperate; you'll undertake her no more. Fal. Master Brook, I will be thrown into Etna, as I have been into Thames, ere I will leave her thus. Fal. Yea, a buck-basket: 'ramm'd me in with 15 Her husband is this morning gone a birding: I foul shirts and smocks, socks, foul stockings, and greasy napkins; that, master Brook, there was the rankest compound of villainous smell, that ever offended nostril. have receiv'd from her another embassy of of meeting: 'twixt eight and nine is the hour, master Brook. Ford. 'Tis past eight already, sir. Ford. And how long lay you there? Fal. Nay, you shall hear, master Brook, what I have suffer'd to bring this woman to evil for your good. Being thus cramm'd in the basket, a couple of Ford's knaves, his hinds, were call'd forth by Fal. Is it? I will then address me to my ap20 pointment. Come to me at your convenient leisure, and you shall know how I speed; and the conclusion shall be crown'd with your enjoying her: Adieu. You shall have her, master Brook; master Brook, you shall cuckold Ford. [Exit. their mistress, to carry me in the name of foul cloaths 25 Ford. Hum! ha! is this a vision? is this a to Datchet-lane: they took me on their shoulders; met the jealous knave their master in the door; who ask'd them once or twice, what they had in their basket: I quak'd for fear, lest the lunatic knave dream? do I sleep? Master Ford, awake! awake, ma-ter Ford; there's a hole made in your best coat, master Ford. This 'tis to be married! this 'tis to have linen, and buck-baskets!-Well, I would have search'd it; but fate ordaining he 30 will proclaim myself what I am: I will now take should be a cuckold, held his hand. Well; on went he for a search, and away went I for foul cloaths But mark the sequel, master Brook: I suffer'd the pangs of three several deaths; first, an intolerable fright, to be detected with a jealous rotten bell-35 wether: next, to be compass'd, like a good bilbo, in the circumference of a peck, hilt to point, heel to head: and then, to be stopp'd in, like a strong distillation, with stinking cloaths that fret the lecher; he is at my house: he cannot 'scape me; 'tis impossible he should; he cannot creep into a half-penny purse, nor into a pepper-box: but, lest the devil that guides him, should aid him, I will search impossible places. Though what I am I cannot avoid, yet to be what I would uot, shall not make me tame: If I have horns to make one mad, let the proverb go with me, I'll be horn-mad. [Exit. ACT IV. SCENE L Enter Mrs. Page, Mrs. Quickly, and William. Enter Sir Hugh Evans. How now, sir Hugh? no school to-day? 50 Era. No; master Slender is let the boys leave to play. Quic. Sure, he is by this; or will be presently: but truly, he is very courageous mad, about his 55 yeu, ask him some questions in his accidence. throwing into the water. Mistress Ford desires Mrs. Page. Is the at maste Quic. Blessing of his heart! Mrs. Page. Sir Hugh, my husband says, my son protits nothing in the world at his book; I pray With was sometimes used for of. 2 A bilbo is a Spanish blade, of which the excellence is flexibleness and elasticity. Kidney in this phrase now signifies kind or qualities; but Falstaff means, a man whose kidneys are as jut as mine. That is, make myself ready. Will. |