BALTHAZAR. Small cheer and great welcome makes a merry feast.

ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS. Ay, to a niggardly host and more sparing guest :

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But though my cates be mean, take them in good part; Better cheer may you have, but not with better heart. But soft! my door is lock'd. Go bid them let us in. DROMIO OF EPHESUS. Maud, Bridget, Marian, Cicely, Gillian, Ginn !

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE. [Within.] Mome, malt-horse, capon, coxcomb, idiot, patch!

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Either get thee from the door or sit down at the hatch. Dost thou conjure for wenches, that thou call'st for such store,

When one is one too many? Go, get thee from the door. DROMIO OF EPHESUS. What patch is made our porter ?-My master stays in the street.

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DROMIO OF SYRACUSE. [Within.] Let him walk from whence he came, lest he catch cold on 's feet. ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS. Who talks within there? ho! open the door.

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE. [Within.] Right, sir; I'll tell you when, an you'll tell me wherefore. ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS. Wherefore? for my dinner: I have not din'd to-day.

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DROMIO OF SYRACUSE. Nor to-day here you must not; come again when you may.

ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS. What art thou that keep'st me out from the house I owe?

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE. [Within.] The porter for this time, sir, and my name is Dromio.

DROMIO OF EPHESUS. O villain! thou hast stolen both mine office and my name :

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The one ne'er got me credit, the other mickle blame.
If thou hadst been Dromio to-day in my place,
Thou wouldst have chang'd thy face for a name, or
thy name for an ass.

LUCE. [Within.] What a coil is there, Dromio! who are those at the gate ?

DROMIO OF EPHESUS. Let my master in, Luce.

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LUCE. [Within.] Faith, no; he comes too late; And so tell your master.

DROMIO OF EPHESUS.

Have at you with a proverb:

O Lord! I must laugh.

Shall I set in my staff?

LUCE. [Within.] Have at you with another: that 'swhen? can you tell?

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DROMIO OF SYRACUSE. [Within.] If thy name be call'd Luce,-Luce, thou hast answer'd him well.

ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS.

you'll let us in, I trow ?

Do you hear, you minion?

LUCE. [Within.] I thought to have ask'd you. DROMIO OF SYRACUSE. [Within.] And you said, no. DROMIO OF EPHESUS. So come, help: well struck!

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there was blow for blow. ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS. Thou baggage, let me in. LUCE. [Within.] DROMIO OF EPHESUS.

LUCE. [Within.]

Can you tell for whose sake?
Master, knock the door hard.
Let him knock till it ache.
You'll cry for this, minion,

ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS.
if I beat the door down.

LUCE. [Within.] What needs all that, and a pair of stocks in the town?

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ADRIANA. [Within.] Who is that at the door that keeps all this noise ?

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE.

[Within.] By my troth your

town is troubled with unruly boys.

ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS. Are you there, wife? you might have come before.

ADRIANA. [Within.] Your wife, sir knave! go, get you from the door.

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DROMIO OF EPHESUS. If you went in pain, master, this 'knave' would go sore.

ANGELO. Here is neither cheer, sir, nor welcome: we would fain have either.

BALTHAZAR. In debating which was best, we shall part with neither.

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DROMIO OF EPHESUS. They stand at the door, master: bid them welcome hither. ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS. There is something in the wind, that we cannot get in.

DROMIO OF EPHESUS. You would say so, master, if your garments were thin.

Your cake here is warm within; you stand here in the cold:

It would make a man mad as a buck to be so bought

and sold.

ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS.

I'll break ope the gate.

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Go fetch me something:

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE. [Within.] Break any breaking here, and I'll break your knave's pate.

DROMIO OF EPHESUS. A man may break a word with you, sir, and words are but wind:

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Ay, and break it in your face, so he break it not behind. DROMIO OF SYRACUSE. [Within.] It seems thou wantest breaking out upon thee, hind!

DROMIO OF EPHESUS. Here's too much out upon thee!' I pray thee, let me in.

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE. [Within.] Ay, when fowls have no feathers, and fish have no fin.

ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS. Well, I'll break in. Go borrow me a crow.

DROMIO OF EPHESUS.

Master, mean you so?

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A crow without feather?

For a fish without a fin, there's a fowl without a feather: If a crow help us in, sirrah, we'll pluck a crow together. ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS. Go get thee gone: fetch me an iron crow.

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BALTHAZAR. Have patience, sir; O! let it not be so ; Herein you war against your reputation, And draw within the compass of suspect The unviolated honour of your wife.

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Once this, your long experience of her wisdom,
Her sober virtue, years, and modesty,

Plead on her part some cause to you unknown;
And doubt not, sir, but she will well excuse
Why at this time the doors are made against you.
Be rul'd by me: depart in patience,

And let us to the Tiger all to dinner;
And about evening come yourself alone,

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To know the reason of this strange restraint.

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If by strong hand you offer to break in
Now in the stirring passage of the day,
A vulgar comment will be made of it,
And that supposed by the common rout
Against your yet ungalled estimation,
That may with foul intrusion enter in

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And dwell upon your grave when you are dead; 104 For slander lives upon succession,

For ever housed where it gets possession.

ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS. You have prevail'd: I

will depart in quiet,

And, in despite of mirth, mean to be merry.
I know a wench of excellent discourse,

Pretty and witty, wild and yet, too, gentle :
There will we dine: this woman that I mean,
My wife, but, I protest, without desert,—
Hath oftentimes upbraided me withal :

To her will we to dinner. [TO ANGELO.] Get you home,
And fetch the chain; by this I know 'tis made:
Bring it, I pray you, to the Porpentine;

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112

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For there's the house: that chain will I bestow,
Be it for nothing but to spite my wife,
Upon mine hostess there. Good sir, make haste.
Since mine own doors refuse to entertain me,
I'll knock elsewhere, to see if they'll disdain me.
I'll meet you at that place some hour

ANGELO. hence.

ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS. cost me some expense.

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Do so. This jest shall

SCENE II.-The Same.

Enter LUCIANA and ANTIPHOLUS of Syracuse.

[Exeunt.

LUCIANA. And may it be that you have quite forgot
A husband's office? Shall, Antipholus,

Even in the spring of love, thy love-springs rot?
Shall love, in building, grow so ruinous ?

If

you did wed my sister for her wealth,

Then, for her wealth's sake use her with more kind

ness:

Or, if you like elsewhere, do it by stealth;

Muffle your false love with some show of blindness; 8 Let not my sister read it in your eye;

Be not thy tongue thy own shame's orator;

Look sweet, speak fair, become disloyalty;
Apparel vice like virtue's harbinger;

Bear a fair presence, though your heart be tainted;
Teach sin the carriage of a holy saint;
Be secret-false: what need she be acquainted?
What simple thief brags of his own attaint?
'Tis double wrong to truant with your bed,
And let her read it in thy looks at board:
Shame hath a bastard fame, well managed;

Ill deeds are doubled with an evil word.
Alas! poor women, make us but believe,

12

16

20

Being compact of credit, that you love us; Though others have the arm, show us the sleeve; We in your motion turn, and you may move us. 24 Then, gentle brother, get you in again;

Comfort my sister, cheer her, call her wife: 'Tis holy sport to be a little vain,

When the sweet breath of flattery conquers strife. 28 ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE. Sweet mistress,-what your name is else, I know not,

Nor by what wonder you do hit of mine,—

Less in your knowledge and your grace you show not
Than our earth's wonder; more than earth divine.
Teach me, dear creature, how to think and speak: 33
Lay open to my earthy-gross conceit,
Smother'd in errors, feeble, shallow, weak,

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The folded meaning of your words' deceit. Against my soul's pure truth why labour you To make it wander in an unknown field? Are you a god? would you create me new ? Transform me then, and to your power I'll yield. 40

But if that I am I, then well I know

Your weeping sister is no wife of mine,

Nor to her bed no homage do I owe :
Far more, far more, to you do I decline.

O! train me not, sweet mermaid, with thy note,

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