of Helicon; at present, fewer appeals should be made to their understandings, than, if I must speak in plain English, to their tastes and appetites.' "Alas!" sighed Mountain, "that such should be the mean condition of humanity! the corporeal nature overpowering and pressing down the spiritual !" "Rail on, young man," returned the General, "at our condition which is admirably appointed, because, divinely; or I shall have to write a Rational Essay thereupon, for the benefit of Poets. -eh?" "Can't you be silent?" said Lady Fitzwalter to the gentlemen, whose animation had caused them imperceptibly to raise their voices very considerably; "because, if you will talk so loud, and the Horn sounds faintly from a distance, you'll not hear it, and lose your chance of refreshment altogether." The lady was right, though I think at the moment a little warm; but nobody likes to be foiled in the menage of a Villegiatura, and the wolfish eyes and querulous dispositions of a famished bevy of guests, are really unbearable; the hostess of such a party must certainly feel somewhat like Daniel in the Lion's Den. Listlessly and silently we sauntered on, and ere the welcome sound of the French Horn met our ears, at least an hour-and-ahalf had elapsed. Sir Mark Fitzwalter, good, quiet, man, whom I have had no occasion heretofore to mention, because he is a cypher in his own family, had been sent forwards "to see after and, hurry those people," by his Imperatrice, and just as the signal sounded, he made his appearance begging to conduct us to the spot where the re freshments were spread and apologizing for the delay; but "his people," he said, " had been waiting for us; they didn't know (how should they?) that we were in the wood." "There, Mr. Mountain! that was all your fault!" exclaimed Lady Fitzwalter, angrily; "how, indeed, should they know that we were in the forest unless they heard your flute; I'm sure it can shriek shrilly enough sometimes." "My flute, Madam?" mildly returned the young man, "I've not brought it, only the soft pan-pipes." "Not brought it? why, young gentleman, I told you three days ago, expressly, that you were to blow it sharply when we entered the wood, in order to apprise our servants of our arrival; but this comes of being a poet, and having one's wits in a lady's keeping; I'm sorry Miss Battersby could not make one of our party to-day; had she been here we might have had some chance perhaps of an earlier repast." Mountain, to whom the brusquerie of Lady Fitzwalter was no novelty, knew not how to parry this obliging avowal on his account, of a passion which as yet, he hardly durst confess to himself, and which he trusted was at any rate safely lodged in his own bosom for a while; but what will not the penetration of some people discover? and what will not their reckless volubility reveal? His cheeks blushed scarlet, his eyes sought the ground, and his half smile was that of bewilderment and annoyance, not mirth. Meek Sir Mark added to his confusion by saying, with the best intention in the world:"A pretty amiable girl, that Miss Battersby; one whom no young man need be ashamed of admiring; and, if you really like her, Mr. Mountain, I heartily wish for your sake, and her own that she had been with us to-day; I love to see young people happy, and you might have been" (his eye glanced at the ill-tempered fiances, whose quarrel he had been either too goodhumoured or too dense, to detect,) "as happy as our steady friends here." The welcome repast, at length appeared; it was spread in a truly beautiful spot, where majestic trees formed overhead a canopy of shade, impervious to the scorching rays of the sun; where a crystal cascade dashed down the mossy, creviced, side of a considerable rock; where the luxuriant herbage and vegetation, invited to repose; and, where the soft, cool, refreshing, turf, with or without shawls and cloaks cast over it, was a tempting seat and lounge. Everybody voted this, as indeed it was, the most charming part of the affair; everybody began to laugh, almost to sing, in the glee of their hearts, but at least, to talk of the woodland songs that ought, and should, and must, be sung, upon the conclusion of our elegant feast; and everybody seemed disposed to do ample justice to wine, and flesh, and fowl, pastry, cake, and fruit, when suddenly with hoarse barking, four or five huge, shaggy, dirty, fierce-looking dogs, rushed in upon these delicacies, (spread on the ground) and began devouring all that came in their way. The ladies screamed, and fled in various directions, whilst the gentlemen and men-servants, arming themselves with anything that laid nearest, endeavoured to beat off the unwelcome marauders; but the ravenous brutes, wild, savage, obstinate, intractable, desperate from hunger, and unused to control, fed and fought, snapped, snarled, and flew savagely at their assailants, who, in their anxiety to rid themselves from these ferocious animals, made sad havoc with the Fitzwalter glass and china. In the end, nothing but knives vanquished the sturdy brutes, one of whom was laid dead at the feet of St. Jermyn, and the others were making off limping, bleeding, and howling, when their masters appeared; a set of unwashed, unshaven, sturdy rogues, accompanied by women and children, whose haggard, tattered, squalid, appearance, whose Moorish complexions; whose uncouth language; and, whose ragged, half-starved, donkies, travelling equipage, domestic utensils, and serviceable bludgeons, all proclaimed them real Gipsies; before whom the hearts of fictitious ones might quail with terror; for violent indeed was the wrath of the whole gang, on beholding the fate of one of their dogs, and the state of the rest. They swore, raged, and prepared to dash out the brains of gentlemen and servants; but General Ogle and Sir Mark Fitzwalter, aided by the vigorous and alert young men of the party, contrived to restrain and disarm the most active and mischievous of the fellows, and desired them in authorative language to begone. "Not before our dead dog be paid for," said one of the men with stern, determined countenance and tone;" and the damaged ones made good. They be walluable brutes, my masters! I can tell ye.' "And let me tell you, Sir," replied General "GOING A GIPSYING." Ogle, "you've no business with dogs at all; at The men, waited not a second bidding, but sulkily muttering, as they touched their hats, a "Thank'e, gentleman," half gratefully, half insolently, called to them their still whining dogs, and lashing their miserable donkeys, were quickly lost amid the mazes of the wood. | spared, must, it was agreed, go after the knavish gang, and lodge them in the gaol of a neighbouring town; whilst the ladies of our party must instantly make the best of their way back again to Fitzwalter Place, mounting the much-mired Lag upon one donkey, (a cloak, or shawl concealing from the insults rude, of passing rustics, her damaged dress); and our host's disquieted spouse, only like Cinderella in that she had lost a slipper, on the other. The remnant of our wine, provisions, and camp equipage, &c., rather thrown together into bundles, than regularly packed, was consigned to the care of those who, unharmed by thorn, nettles, or quagmire, retained the use of their hands and senses; and, of our divided party, "a melancholy band," each turned off different ways. There was no end to the lamentations, reproaches, and recriminations, of the Ladies Lag and Fitzwalter, who rode at donkey-walk, side by side, for To collect our scattered party was now necessary, the express purpose it seemed of aggravating their and the shouts and whistling of the gentlemen, mutual disasters, by their untoward tempers. were answered by the ladies, some of whom Miss Primrose bewailed her damaged bonnet, as emerged uninjured from their sylvan coverts, if she had no other in the world, and never could whilst others, uttered cries of distress from afar, have; and whilst the lively little Emsdale, laughed, Miss Ogle cried, jumped, twitched, and rubbed, or rather not, alas! without good cause. was drawn by St. Jermyn, now her very dear tore, her fair flesh, in all the agonies of immense George, from a bramble copse, with every article nettle-stings, which no cooling dock-leaves had of her delicate dress, of light, fragile, summer, power to allay, Miss Ogle, "scratched entirely Miss Emsdale, a lively out of knowledge," had ample leisure as she materials torn to tatters. little lady, who always thought everything "good walked in silence and weariness, beside one of the fun," had dashed into a plot of hemlock rank, donkeys, to repent of her morning quarrel with and nettles stinging almost as high as herself. her betrothed, and wish that his friendly arm was Poor Lady Lag had sunk nearly up to her chin, now extended to assist and support her, and his in one of the most verdurous looking, but treacherous affectionate voice sounding in her ears and heart, of swamps, whence she was with extreme difficulty to soothe and cheer her. But St. Jermyn, alas! was now gone in pursuit of the real gipsies, and and very considerable pain to herself, extricated. Miss Primrose, an elderly spinster still upon the perhaps, did not even bestow a commiserating look-out, had the most superlative of summer thought upon the fictitious. To add to our disasbonnets" utterly ruined," by the rude attack of a ters, Lady Lag's donkey, probably unused to carrywild rose bush, upon its Zephyrine materiel; cer- ing a lady at all, and certainly both astonished and tainly a provoking circumstance, considering that aggrieved at being made to bear upon his back "two fat single ladies rolled into one," turned obthe bonnet was new, pretty, fashionable, and expensive; and the lady's purse was the very anti-stinate, and stood still in the middle of the road, podes to that of Fortunatus: but why had she been so foolish as to put it on, for an expedition of this kind "ay, there's the rub," when a shower of rain must equally have spoiled it? Lady Fitzwalter, was doomed, alas! to mourn for more than the loss of a shoe, which the most diligent search could not find:-"O my silver spoons! my forks! my dear little desert-knives! and your goblet, Sir Mark! where are they?" Now the goblet was clean gone; and, though a few of the other articles were forth-coming, yet, so many of each had vanished, that it was clear that whilst the male gipsies did battle with the gentlemen of our party, their female companions had not omitted to avail themselves, with the accustomed tact and dexterity of the tribe, of this glorious opportunity for plunder; and had pocketed every silver article on which they could lay hands, from the plate which lay scattered about in the presumed security of actual use. Farewell, further feasting! Farewell Duetts and Glees! Farewell, even the Abbey Ruins we had walked so far to see, and which laid within fifty yards of the spot, where our real gipsy misadventure occurred! All the gentlemen and servants who could be whence mortal power it seemed could not remove HOW TO TAME A TURBULENT AN ANECDOTE OF THE FIFTEENTH CENTURY. A tradesman who lived in a village near St. Albans, had been twice married and ill-treated his wives so as to cause their death. He sought a third, but, as his brutality was well known in the place he dwelt, he was obliged to go fifty miles off for a wife. treat his former wives. This somewhat surprised her, but she resolved to wait patiently till her lord and master should take it into his head to beat her. She did not wait long for her husband was a terrible fellow. weight he carried; the other donkey followed his example, which obliged us poor pedestrians to quicken our steps, in order to keep up with both, and this brisk exercise, no doubt saved us from the severe colds we must have taken, had we continued in our wet clothes to creep on as we did at first. Fatigued to death, and the most deplorable looking figures it is possible to conceive, we reached Fitzwalter Place at half past nine o'clock, where alas! fresh misfortunes awaited us. Not anticipating those which had already tended so to exhaust us in mind He obtained one, and after he brought her and body, and so to delay us in time, and willing home, all the neighbours came to visit her, and acto complete and crown this day of fête, the Fitz-quaint her in what manner her husband used to walters having arranged for us to return and make a second slight dinner or refection at six) had invited an evening party for a dance. Visitors had arrived, and were arriving, when we reached the house such pretty and respectable objects-they could scarcely be put off-and-but no-I really One morning he waited on his lady with a cannot proceed; even Sophia Emsdale, with all cudgel, and was preparing himself to make use of her mercurialism was so intolerably knocked Stop," said she, "I fancy that the right by this finale to the day's pleasure, that within an which you now pretend to have over me is not hour or so of its conclusion, a straw might have mentioned in the marriage contract; and I deknocked her down, and I—I am, as I said at first, clare to your Worship, you shall not exercise it." yawning even now, at the mere recollection of the Such a distinct speech disconcerted her husband whole stupid, provoking, muddling and half- so much that he laid down his cudgel and only murderous concern. It is some satisfaction how-began to scold her. "Get out of my house," said ever, to know, that the roguish real gipsies were he," and let us share our goods.' overtaken-apprehended with the stolen property upon them, and fully committed for trial to the gaol of A-y, the county town. STANZAS TO up ON HER EXPRESSING A DESIRE TO BE A POETESS. BY H. MUNROE. Lady! I could not wish that thou The Poet's wreath should circle there; I would not have thy gentle lays, The sport of ruder hearts of steel; May burst upon his ear again- With thoughts ne'er to be spoken, That not by time could be removed; it. 66 "Readily," said she, "and I am willing to leave you.' And each began to set aside the moveables. The lady loosens the curtains, and the gentleman unlocks an enormous trunk to fill it with his property; but, as he was leaning over to place some articles at the bottom, she tripped up his heels, pushed him in and locked the lid. Never was man in a greater passion than our hero; he threatened to kill her, and made more noise than a wild boar caught in a trap. She answered him very quietly:-"My dear friend, pray be calm, your passion may injure your health! refresh yourself a little in this comfortable trunk, for I love you too much to let you out, now you are so outrageous. In the mean time she ordered her maid to make some custards and cream tarts, and when these were baked and ready, she sent round to all the neighbouring gossips to come and partake of her collation. This was served up not on a table, but on the lid of the trunk. Heaven knows what pretty things the husband heard all these famous tatlers publish in his praise. In such a case a wise man must submit, and give fair words; so did our friend in the chest. His language was soothing, he begged pardon, and cried for mercy. The ladies were so good as to forgive him and let him out of the trunk. To reward him for his good behaviour, they gave him the remainder of the tarts. He was thus completely cured of his brutality, and was afterwards cited as a model for good husbands, so it was sufficient to say to those who were not so, take care of the truuk! to make them like himself, as gentle as lambs. JOHN A. To be the best of the company is the way to grow worse-The best means to grow better is to be the worst.-Quarle's Euchyridion. THE ADVENTURES OF A DISCIPLE OF a short distance in my rear the water rushing on IZAAK WALTON. at an impetuous rate, at a level with the embank "To-morrow is the 25th July," cried I survey-ments. I halloo'd for assistance and made many ing a new sailor's jacket, nankeens, and a broadbrim straw hat, which had been made expressly for the occasion. "The 25th of July, the day so long expected, so anxiously anticipated as the one on which I was to enjoy the pleasantest day's fishing in the season. Jack Thornton was to call for me in the morning; he was an early riser, a good walker, full of anecdote, and upon the whole, the most desirable person you could appoint to meet, for if by one of those chances, to which a lie-a-bed is subject, you did not arrive at the appointed place in time, he was sure to create noise enough to awaken even the seven sleepers. Again investigating the whole of my equipments, and making sure nothing was wanting, I fell into the arms of Morpheus. desperate but futile attempts to climb the bank, but finding it impossible to escape the rage of the waters by those means, I ran with all my might, with a faint hope I might out-distance them until the banks became lower and scaleable; this was as vain as the former, still the waters increased upon me, every second brought them closer at my heels. Finding escape quite out of the question, finding that being a coward would not save me, I resolved to become a hero, and meet my fate with resolution, turning my face towards the advancing enemy I awaited his approach with all the serenity which I could muster. My heroic resolution was hardly concluded when I felt myself thrown on my back by the now victorious foe. My heroics did not even in this extremity leave me. I struggled, tried to swim, and gained the surface in safety, a tree which the excited waters had torn up by the roots afforded me a raft on which I seated myself, resolutely and firmly grasping two branches, I anxiously looked forward to the result of this adventure. Rapidly and violently was I propelled along the rushing water, and as the thickest darkness prevailed, I was unable to form the remotest idea to where the impetuous current was hurrying me. Now and then flashes of lightning enabled me to discover the stream gradually widening, but even this small consolation left me, the flashes grew "few and far between," and at length ceased altogether. The wind blew a complete hurricane, except at intervals, when the lull was accompanied by a deep heavy rain. After a time, instead of gliding swiftly, but gently down the stream, I began to experience considerable difficulty in retain Loud and long did Thornton exert his powerful voice ere I joined him, the day was beautiful, but intensely hot, we walked, we talked, we caught fish, and so pleasantly did the old enemy of Man, Time, steal on, that evening had arrived without its approach having been perceived. We had only just concluded that it was time to think of returning, when on a sudden, the sky became overcast with dark and dismal clouds, the rain fell in such torrents you might conceive a second deluge was about to destroy the face of the earth, and to our consternation we found we had strayed far, very far, beyond our first intentions; indeed, into a part of the country of which we had no previous knowledge. A difference of opinion now took place as to the best mode of regaining our houses, Thornton insisted upon leaving the course of the stream, and trying his fortune by land, whilst I took my desolate walk along the banks of the ri-ing my place on the raft, which seemed to plunge vulet, expecting to arrive at some spot with which heavy in the heaving water and scarcely to be able I might be familiar; although I must confess, I to bear the burthen of my weight. By the faint was somewhat alarmed and disappointed to find glimpse of light which I now and then obtained, I myself a stranger in my native country. It seemed could evidently perceive, that I was getting out to to lower me so much in my own estimation as a sea, and leaving the shore rapidly. How long this fisher. I had previously boasted that there was lasted or how far I had travelled in my new vehicle not a stream within fifty miles of my residence, I had not the means of ascertaining, it was howthat I had not traced from its mouth to its source. ever, sufficient for me to recal the comforts of home Yet! there I was, within a day's march of home in those gorgeous colours, to which unwilling abcompletely bewildered. Still pondering on this sentees are prone. I fancied to myself the alarm phenomena as to me it appeared; still marching and horror my wife would naturally feel at my aband hoping that the next step would lead to some sence, the remorse Thornton would feel at his well known spot, and thus enable me to solve perverseness in leaving me in such a situation, the the enigma, each succeeding step increased my crowing of my cousin and heir-at-law on the bewilderment; I had now arrived at a part of the futility of a marriage I had contracted a short stream which convinced me, I was in an unknown time previously with almost the sole intention of neighbourhood, the water was deep, and furiously preventing his succession to the estate, and these, did it run; the banks on either side were both and many other things passed rapidly through my steep and high, my alarm was extreme. I had been memory, which from my excited state, I felt was for upwards of a mile, so completely hemmed in at shortly about to leave me, when suddenly I felt a both sides, that I could not leave the river, and shock, as if my support had struck against somethe rain had fallen so long and so fast, that I thing, and my ears were regaled with the melodious dreaded the very narrow, and in some parts hardly sound to me at that moment more musical than perceptible path would be over flowed nor were the lute of Orpheus-What ship, ahoy! I hallooed my fears without foundation. I heard a rushing in return a short account of my expedition. A rumbling sound behind me, far fiercer and more rope was thrown, to which I attached myself, and furious than had ever entered my imagination. II found myself on board a collier just on the point turned round to discover if possible, what occasioned it, guess my surprise and horror, when by the assistance of a flash of lightning, I perceived at of weighing anchor. Upon my approach the captain saluted me "Well, mess-mate, we are in want of hands, so you are welcome." In return P ing thanks for his welcome, I expressed a wish to but a rat crawling over my face aroused me. do all in my power to assist the crew at the same Considering for some time what method would be time informing him I was a landsman, totally most expedient under existing circumstances to unacquainted with nautical affairs, and owed my relieve me from the dilemma these untoward introduction to his vessel to an unfortunate acci- events had driven me, I resolved to scrutinize the dent. He met this by a volley of abuse, accused cavern more severely. Upon minute examination me of being a deserter from a man-of-war, and there appeared to be a small passage in an oblique pointed to my clothes as a confirmation of his direction sufficiently large to admit a man on his assertion. It was in vain to protest against so hands and knees. To resolve to explore it was the arbitrary a gentleman, and consoling myself with work of a moment; exploring it took a considerthreatening an action as soon as we should arrive able time; at length, I arrived in the open air in on land, I obeyed his orders to the best of my the middle of a common. My fear of being seen abilities. Not being so expert as he wished I was by the accursed captain or any of his diabolical put to the most degrading drudgery, ordered, and crew would not let me spend much time in conknocked about by all the crew. At length we gratulating myself upon my release from captivity approached the termination of our voyage. Great and slavery. Thinking a speedy departure from was the joy, and many the anticipations of revenge that part of the country was the only means I I resolved upon when we descried land. "Now," could adopt to prevent my again being immured exclaimed I, seizing a thick stick, and mounting a in the horrible coal pit, I started as fast as my tub on the quarter-deck, "now you rascals the legs would carry me, and did not stop my speed day of vengeance is at length arrived, now shall till completely exhausted; espying a village I you suffer for your inhumanity to a freeborn made for, and soon arrived at it, when to my exEnglishman, the laws shall make you feel the in-treme horror the villain of a captain stared me in justice of your treatment." The master and men followed each sentence with a long loud laugh, until I had arrived thus far, when they closed on, disarmed, bound, and beat me, threatening to hand me over to the civil authorities as a mutineer. Wishing to be taken before a magistrate, I was pleased at their threats, little thinking they had an easier and quicker mode of punishment. Iminediately on our dropping anchor the master went on shore, and did not return until the evening, I was then thrown bound into a boat and landed, then carried to the mouth of a coal pit, and was soon far in the bowels of the earth. I here learned from a man who attended to the lamps that the captain represented me as a ne'er do-well relation of the pit owner's who had committed forgery, and was sent into the pits until pursuit was over, and I had worked out my iniquities as a coal-digger. Guess the astonishment I felt, gentle reader, at such a charge. I raved, I roared, I tore my hair with anguish, and called upon the pit to fall in upon me. My discomfiture at first amused the demons of the pit, but at length annoyed by my noise, and frightened by my curses, they flogged me into silence and submission. Henceforth time was occupied in waiting upon the pitmen and digging coal; my spirits became broken, and I began to look forward to death as the only end of my miseries. my One day while the men were at dinner, not wishing to be subject to their gibes, I took my basket of provisions into a straight narrow passage long unused, and considered dangerous; at last I arrived at a large cavern, which I was attentively exploring, when I heard a loud explosion, and found my retreat cut off." Now," cried I, "is the cup of misery full; alone, deep in the bowels of the earth, must I end my weary pilgrimage. Yet still my heart felt gay." I turned round, and with mock solemnity exclaimed, 1 am indeed "Monarch of all I survey, no one will encroach upon my perogative." Consoling myself thus upon my exclusiveness sleep stole o'er mine eye lids. How long this lasted is to me unknown; the face; to attempt to escape was useless, so e'en making the best of a bad bargain I tried to pass him, hoping that my residence in the coal pit and consequent black visage would render me unknown: this was, however, calculating too strongly upon my disguise, and too little upon his scrutinizing eye. He saw and pointed me out to the constable as the man who was charged with having purposely caused the explosion of a coal pit, and for whose apprehension a reward of one hundred pounds was offered by the owners. Handcuffed and placed in a cart I was taken before a magistrate; the description in the hand-bills was compared with my features, and they agreed so exactly that the magistrate concluded the evidence sufficient to remand me; in vain I claimed his protection; it was useless my informing him how infamously I had been used; he merely shook his head, and remarked he thought mine a little touched. Seeing no prospect of redress here I made up my mind to attempt an escape: gathering up all my strength, I struck my right hand out and knocked down the man who collared me on that side, and was going to treat the gentleman on my left to a similar mark of my regard, when I heard my wife's voice hallooing as if in pain, and upon turning to see if my senses had deceived me, I found it was her indeed, and that instead of knocking a man down I had hit her a tremendous blow, and so far from having undergone such trials I was still in bed, and the whole was a long and fearful dream. RENTON. Mangling" done here. Adieu! Jos, SLATER, Jun. |