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on every countenance. We were surprised at this behaviour, and presently summoned the host, who was no sooner acquainted with it, than he burst into an hearty laugh, and told us the reason was, because we did not fee the gentlemen the moment they came in, according to the custom of the place. We answered with some confusion. we had brought nothing with us from the other world which we had been all our lives informed was not lawful

to do. 'No, no, master,' replied the host, 'I am apprised ' of that, and indeed it was my fault. I should have first เ sent you to my Lord Scrape; who would have supplied you with what you want.' 'My Lord Scrape supply us!" said I, with astonishment: 'sure you must know we can'not give him security; and I am convinced he never lent a shilling without it in his life.' 'No, Sir,' answered the host, and for that reason he is obliged to do it here, where 'he is sentenced to keep a bank, and to distribute money gratis to all passengers. This bank originally consisted ' of just that sum, which he had miserably hoarded up in the other world, and he is to perceive it decrease visibly 'one shilling a day, till it is totally exhausted; after which, he is to return to the other world, and perform the part of a miser for seventy years; then being puri'fied in the body of a Hog, he is to enter the human species again, and take a second trial.' 'Sir,' said I, you tell me wonders: but if his bank be to decrease only a shilling a day, how can he furnish all passengers ? The rest,' answered the host, 'is supplied again; but in a manner which I cannot easily explain to you.' 'I appreเ hend,' said I, 'this distribution of his money is inflicted เ on him as a punishment; but I do not see how it can answer that end, when he knows it is to be restored to 'him again; would it not serve the purpose as well, if he

*That we may mention it once for all, in the panegyrical part of this work, some particular person is always meant, but in the satirical, nobody.

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'parted only with the single shilling, which it seems is all 'he is really to lose?' Sir,' cries the host, 'when you 'observe the agonies with which he parts with every 'guinea, you will be of another opinion. No prisoner condemned to death ever begged so heartily for transpor

tation, as he, when he received his sentence, did to go to hell, provided he might carry his money with him. But you will know more of these things when you arrive at 'the upper world; and now, if you please, I will attend you to my Lord's, who is obliged to supply you with 'whatever you desire.'

We found his lordship sitting at the upper end of a table, on which was an immense sum of money, disposed in several heaps, every one of which would have purchased the honour of some patriots and the chastity of some prudes. The moment he saw us he turned pale, and sighed, as well apprehending our business. Mine host accosted him with a familiar air, which at first surprised me, who so well remembered the respect I had formerly seen paid this lord by men men infinitely superior in quality to the person who now saluted him in the following manner: 'Here, you lord, and be dam-d to your little sneaking soul, tell out your money, and supply your betters with what they want. Be quick, sirrah, or 'I'll fetch the beadle to you. Don't fancy yourself in the 'lower world again, with your privilege at your a―.' He then shook a cane at his lordship, who immediately began to tell out his money, with the same miserable air and face which the miser on our stage wears while he delivers hist bank bills. This affected some of us so much that we had certainly returned with no more than what would have been sufficient to fee the porters, had not our host, perceiving our compassion, begged us not to spare a fellow, who in the midst of immense wealth had always refused the least contribution to charity. Our hearts were hardened

with this reflection, and we all filled our pockets with his money. I remarked a poetical spirit in particular, who swore he would have a hearty gripe at him: 'For,' says he, the rascal not only refused to subscribe to my works; 'but sent back my letter unanswered, though I am a 'better gentleman than himself.'

We now returned from this miserable object, greatly admiring the propriety as well as justice of his punishment, which consisted, as our host informed us, merely in the delivering forth his money; and he observed we could not wonder at the pain this gave him, since it was as reasonable that the bare parting with money should make him miserable as that the bare having money without using it should have made him happy.

Other tiewig-porters (for those we had summoned before refused to visit us again) now attended us; and we having fee'd them the instant they entered the room, according to the instructions of our host, they bowed and smiled, and offered to introduce us to whatever disease we pleased.

We set out several ways, as we were all to pay our respects to different ladies. I directed my porter to shew me to the Fever on the Spirits, being the disease which had delivered me from the flesh. My guide and I traversed many streets, and knocked at several doors, but to no purpose. At one, we were told, lived the Consumption; at another, the Maladie Alamode, a French lady; at the third, the Dropsy; at the fourth, the Rheumatism; at the fifth, Intemperance; at the sixth, Misfortune. I was tired and had exhausted my patience, and almost my purse; for I gave my porter a new fee at every blunder he made: when my guide, with a solemn countenance told me he could do no more; and marched off without any farther ceremony.

He was no sooner gone than I met another gentleman

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with a ticket, i.e. an amber-headed cane in his hand. I first fee'd him, and then acquainted him with the name of the disease. He cast himself for two or three minutes into a thoughtful posture, then pulled a piece of paper out of his pocket, on which he writ something in one of the oriental languages, I believe; for I could not read a syllable: he bade me carry it to such a particular shop, and, telling me it would do my business, he took his leave.

Secure, as I now thought myself, of my direction, I went to the shop, which very much resembled an apothecary's. The person who officiated, having read the paper, took down about twenty different jars, and, pouring something out of every one of them, made a mixture, which he delivered to me in a bottle, having first tied a paper round the neck of it, on which were written three or four words, the last containing eleven syllables. I mentioned the name of the disease I wanted to find out; but received no other answer than that he had done as he was ordered, and the drugs were excellent.

I began now to be enraged, and, quitting the shop with some anger in my countenance, I intended to find out my inn: but, meeting in the way a porter, whose countenance had in it something more pleasing than ordinary, I resolved to try once more, and clapped a fee into his hand. As soon as I mentioned the disease to him he laughed heartily, and told me I had been imposed on, for in reality no such disease was to be found in that city. He then enquired into the particulars of my case, and was no sooner acquainted with them than he informed me that the Maladie Alamode was the lady to whom I was obliged. I thanked him, and immediately went to pay my respects to her.

The house, or rather palace of this lady, was one of the most beautiful and magnificent in the city. The

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avenue to it was planted with sycamore trees, with beds of flowers on each side; it was extremely pleasant, but short. I was conducted through a magnificent hall, adorned with several statues and bustoes, most of them maimed, whence I concluded them all to be true antiques; but was informed they were the figures of several modern heroes, who had died martyrs to her ladyship's cause. I next mounted through a large painted staircase, where several persons were depictured in caricatura; and, upon enquiry, was told they were the portraits of those who had distinguished themselves against the lady in the lower world. I suppose I should have known the faces of many physicians and surgeons, had they not been so violently distorted by the painter. Indeed, he had exerted so much malice in his work, that I believe he had himself received some particular favours from the lady of this mansion: it is difficult to conceive a group of stranger figures. I then entered a long room, hung round with the pictures of women of such exact shapes and features, that I should have thought myself in a gallery of beauties, had not a certain sallow paleness in their complexions given me a more distasteful idea. Through this I proceeded to a second apartment, adorned, if I may so call it, with the figures of old ladies. Upon my seeming to admire at this furniture, the servant told me with a smile that these had been very good friends of his lady, and had done her eminent service in the lower world. I immediately recollected the faces of one or two of my acquaintance, who had formerly kept bagnios: but was very much surprised to see the resemblance of a lady of great distinction in such company. The servant, upon my mentioning this, made no other answer than that his lady had pictures of all degrees.

I was now introduced into the presence of the lady

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