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: room, and agreed to by all present. Every one now put 'on an unusual gravity on their countenance whenever I 'spoke; and it was as much out of my power to raise a 'laugh, as formerly it had been for me to open my mouth 'without one.
'While my affairs were in this posture, I went one day
'into the circle without my fool's dress. The Simple,
'who would still speak to me, cried out. So fool,
'what's the matter now? Sir, answered I, fools are
'like to be so common a commodity at court, that I am
'weary of my coat. How dost thou mean, answered
'the Simple; what can make them commoner now than
'usual?—0 Sir, said I, there are ladies here make
1 your majesty a fool every day of their lives. The
'Simple took no notice of my jest, and several present
'said my bones ought to be broke for my impudence;
'but it pleased the queen, who knowing Adelaide, whom
'she hated, to be the cause of my disgrace, obtained me
'of the king, and took me into her service; so that
'I was henceforth called the queen's fool, and in her
'court received the same honour, and had as much wit as
'I had formerly had in the king's. But as the queen had
'really no power unless over her own domestics, I was
'not treated in general with that complacence, nor did I
'receive those bribes and presents, which had once fallen
'to my share.
'Nor did this confined respect continue long: for 'the queen who had in fact no taste for humour, soon 'grew sick of my foolery, and forgetting the cause for 'which she had taken me, neglected me so much, that 'her court grew intolerable to my temper, and I broke 'my heart and died.
'Minos laughed heartily at several things in my story, 'and then telling me no one played the fool in Elysium, 'bid me go back again.'
Julian appears in the character of a Beggar.
I Now returned to Eome, and was born into a very poor and numerous family, which, to be honest with you, procured its livelihood by begging. This, if you was never yourself of the calling, you do not know, I suppose, to be as regular a trade as any other; to have its several rules and secrets, or mysteries, which to learn require perhaps as tedious an apprenticeship as those of any craft whatever.
'The first thing we are taught is the countenance miserable. This indeed nature makes much easier to some than others; but there are none who cannot accomplish it, if they begin early enough in youth, and before the muscles are grown too stubborn. 'The second thing is, the voice lamentable. In this qualification, too, nature must have her share in producing the most consummate excellence: however, art will here, as in every other instance, go a great way with industry and application, even without the assistance of genius: especially if the student begins young.
'There are many other instructions; but these are 'the most considerable. The women are taught one 'practice more than the men, for they are instructed 'in the art of crying, that is, to have their tears ready 'on all occasions: but this is attained very easily by 'most. Some indeed arrive at the utmost perfection hi * this art with incredible facility.
'No profession requires a deeper insight into human 'nature than the beggar's. Their knowledge of the 'passions of men is so extensive. that I have often thought it would be of no little service to a politician to have his education among them. Nay, there is a much greater analogy between these two characters than is imagined; for both concur in their first and grand principle, it being equally their business to delude and impose on mankind. It must be confessed that they differ widely in the degree of advantage which they make by their deceit; for, whereas the beggar is contented with a little, the politician leaves but a little behind.
'A very great English philosopher hath remarked our policy, in taking care never to address any one with a title inferior to what he really claims. My father was of the same opinion: for I remember when I was a boy, the pope happening to pass by, I attended him with pray, Sir; for God's sake, Sir; for the Lord's sake, Sir;—To which he answered gravely, Sirrah, sirrah, you ought to be whipt for taking the Lord's name in vain; and in vain it was indeed, for he gave me nothing. My father overhearing this took his advice, and whipt me very severely. While I was under correction I promised often never to take the Lord's name in vain any more. My father then said, Child, I do not whip you for taking his name in vain: I whip you for not calling the pope his holiness.
'If all men were so wise and good to follow the clergy's example, the nuisance of beggars would soon be removed. I do not remember to have been above twice relieved by them during my whole state of beggary. Once was by a very well-looking man, who gave me a small piece of silver, and declared, he had given me more than he had left himself; the other was by a spruce young fellow, who had that very day first put on his robes, whom I attended with pray, reverend Sir, good reverend Sir, consider your cloth. He answered, I do, child, consider my office, and I hope all our cloth do the same. He then threw down some money, and strutted off with great dignity.
'With the women, I had one general formulary: Sweet pretty lady, God bless your ladyship, God bless your handsome face. This generally succeeded; but I observed, the uglier the woman was the surer I was of success.
'It was a constant maxim among us, that the greater retinue any one travelled with the less expectation we might promise ourselves from them; but whenever we saw a vehicle with a single, or no servant, we imagined our booty sure, and were seldom deceived.
'We observed great difference introduced by time and circumstance in the same person; for instance, a losing gamester is sometimes generous: but from a winner you will as easily obtain his soul as a single groat. A lawyer travelling from his country seat to his clients at Rome, and a physician going to visit a patient, were always worth asking; but the same on their return were (according to our cant phrase) untouchable.
'The most general, and indeed, the truest maxim among us, was, that those who possessed the least were always the readiest to give. The chief art of a beggarman is therefore to discern the rich from the poor, which, though it be only distinguishing substance from shadow, is by no means attainable without a pretty good capacity, and a vast degree of attention: for these two are eternally industrious in endeavouring to counterfeit each other. In this deceit, the poor man is more heartily in earnest to deceive you than the rich 5 who, amidst all the emblems of poverty which he puts on, still permits some mark of his wealth to strike the eye. Thus, while his apparel is not worth a groat, his finger wears a ring of value, or his pocket a gold watch. In a word, he seems rather to affect poverty to insult than impose on you. Now the poor man, on the contrary, is very sincere in his desire of passing for rich; but the eagerness of this desire hurries him to overact his part, and he betrays himself, as one who is drunk by his overacted sobriety. Thus, instead of being attended by one servant well mounted, he will have two; and not being able to purchase or maintain a second horse of value, one of his servants at least is mounted on a hired rascallion. He is not contented to go plain and neat in his clothes; he therefore claps on some tawdry ornament, and what he adds to the fineness of his vestment he detracts from the fineness of his linen. Without descending into more minute particulars, I believe I may assert it as an axiom of indubitable truth, that whoever shews you he is, either in himself, or his equipage, as gaudy as he can, convinces you he is more so than he can afford. Now, whenever a man's expence exceeds his income, he is indifferent in the degree; we had therefore nothing more to do with such than to flatter them with their wealth and splendor, and were always certain of success.
'There is, indeed, one kind of rich man, who is commonly more liberal, namely, where riches surprise him, as it were, in the midst of poverty and distress, the consequence of which is, I own, sometimes excessive avarice; but oftener extreme prodigality. I remember one of these who, having received a pretty large sum of money, gave me, when I begged an obolus, a whole talent; on which his friend having reproved him, he answered with an oath, Why not? Have I not fifty left?
'The life of a beggar, if men estimated things by their real essence, and not by their outward false appearance, would be, perhaps, a more desirable situation than any