SCENE II. The Street. Enter Antipholis of Syracuse. Ant. The gold, I gave to Dromio, is laid up 5 How now, sir? is your merry humour alter'd? [since. S. Dro. No, sir, I think the meat wants that I Ant. Well, sir, then 'twill be dry. S. Dro, If it be, sir, pray you eat none of it. S. Dro. Lest it make you cholerick, and pur10chase me another dry-basting. 15 25 Ant. Well, sir, learn to jest in good time: There's a time for all things. S. Dro. I durst have deny'd that, before you were so cholerick. Ant. By what rule, sir? S. Dro. Marry, sir, by a rule as plain as the plain bald pate of father Time himself. Ant. Let's hear it. S. Dro. There's no time for a man to recover Ant. Even now, even here, not half an hour 20 his hair, that grows bald by nature. Ant. May he not do it by tine and recovery? S. Dro. Yes, to pay a fine for a peruke, and recover the lost hair of another man. Ant. Why is time such a niggard of hair, being, as it is, so plentiful an excrement? S. Dro. Because it is a blessing that he be stows on beasts: and what he hath scanted men in hair, he hath given them in wit. Ant. Why, but there's many a man hath more bair than wit. S. Dro. Not a man of those but he hath the wit to lose his hair'. S. Dro. Nothing, sir, but that I am, beaten. 35 140 S. Dro. Ay, sir, and wherefore; for, they say, 50 Ant. Why, first, for flouting me; and then, Well, sir, I thank you. Ant. Thank me, sir? for what? S. Dro. Marry, sir, for this something that you gave me for nothing. Ant. I'll make you amends next, to give you no Ant. Why, thou didst conclude hairy men plain dealers without wit. S. Dro. The plainer dealer, the sooner lost: Yet he loseth it in a kind of jollity. Ant. For what reason? S. Dro. For two; and sound ones too. S. Dro. Sure ones then. Ant. Nay, not sure, in a thing falsing. Ant. Name them. S. Dro. The one, to save the money that he spends in tiring; the other, that at dinner they should not drop in his porridge. Ant. You would all this time have prov'd, there is no time for all things. S. Dro. Marry, and did, sir; namely, no time to recover hair lost by nature. Ant. But your reason was not substantial, why there is no time to recover. S. Dro. Thus I mend it: Time himself is bald, and therefore to the world's end, will have bald followers. Ant. I know 'twould be a bald conclusion: But soft! who wafts us yonder? Enter Adriana and Luciana. Adr. Ay, ay,Antipholis,lock strange, and frown; 60 Some other mistress hath thy sweet aspects, I am not Adriana, nor thy wife. Meaning, And break in, or intrude upon them when you please. of ground called commons. That is, fortify it. This alludes to the one of which, on its first appearance in Europe, was the loss of hair. loose women, haye more hair than wit, and suffer for their lewdness, by 2 The allusion is to those tracts effects of the venereal disease, Those who are entrapped by the loss of their hair. The The time was once, when thou, unurg'd, would'st As take from me thyself, and not me too. I know thou canst, and therefore see, thou do it. [bed: [not: 5 Adr. How ill agrees it with your gravity, To counterfeit thus grossly with your slave, Abetting him to thwart me in my mood? Be it my wrong, you are from me exempt', But wrong not that wrong with a more contempt. Come, I will fasten on this sleeve of thine: Thou art an elm, my husband, I a vine; Whose weakness, marry'd to thy stronger state, Makes me with thy strength to communicate: 10 aught possess thee from me it is dross, Usurping ivy, briar, or idle moss Who, all for want of pruning, with intrusion Infect thy sap, and live on thy confusion. [theme: dut. To me she speaks; she moves me for her 15 What, was I marry'd to her in my dream? Or sleep I now, and think I hear ail this? What error drives our eyes and ears amiss? Until I know this sure uncertainty, 20 Ill entertain the favour'd fallacy. [dinner. Luc. Dromio, go, bid the servants spread for S. Dro. Oh, for my beads! I cross me for a sinner, This is the fairy land;-oh, spight of spights; We talk with goblins, owls', and elvish sprights; If we obey them not, this will ensue, [blue. 25 They'll suck our breath, and pinch us black and Luc. Why prat'st thou to thyself, and answer'st 30 Ant. Plead you to me, fair dame? I know you 35 In Ephesus I am but two hours old, As strange unto your town, as to your talk; not? [sot! Dromio, thou drone, thou snail, thou slug, thou S. Dro. I am transformed, master, am I not? Ant. I think, thou art, in mind, and so am I. S. Dro. Nay, master, both in mind, and in my Ant. Thou hast thine own shape. [shape. S. Dro. No, I am an ape. Luc. If thou art chang'd to aught, 'tis to an ass. S. Dro. 'Tis true, she rides me, and I long for 'Tis so, I am an ass; else it could never be, [grass. But I should know her as well as she knows me. Adr. Come, come, no longer will I be a fool, To put the finger in the eye and weep, Luc. Fie, brother! how the world is chang'd with 40 Whilst man, and master, laugh my woes to scorn. When were you wont to use my sister thus? [you; She sent for you by Dromio home to dinner. Ant. By Dromio? S. Dro. By me? [him, Adr. By thee; and thus thou didst return from 45 S. Dro. I, sir? I never saw her all this time. Come, sir, to dinner; Dromio, keep the gate: Ant. Am I in earth, in heaven, or in hell? [names, 55 S. Dro. Master, shall I be porter at the gate? Adr. Ay, let none enter, lest I break your pate. Luc. Come, come, Antipholis, we dine too late. [Excunt, That is, separated. That is, unfertile, and therefore useless or idle; an happy allusion to the moss which grows on fruit-trees, hastening their decay, and neither suffers the tree to bear fruit, nor does it bear any itself. The exact character of the kind of woman whom Adriana supposes to have attracted the affections of Antipholis. S. A. Dr. Warburton says, it was an old popular supersti tion, that the scrietch-owl sucked out the breath and blood of infants in the cradle. On this account, the italians called witches, who were supposed to be in like manner mischievously bent against chi!dren, strega, from strix, the scrietch-owl. That is, I'll call you to confession, and make you tell all' your tricks. ACT ACT SCENE I The street before Antipholis's house. Enter Antipholis of Ephesus, Dromio of Ephesus, Angelo, and Balthazar. E. Ant. GOOD signior Angelo, you must ex cuse us all; My wife is shrewish, when I keep no! hours; And that to-morrow you will bring it home. to show: 5 10 15 E. Dro. Say what thou will, sir, but I know what think pass, 25 E. Ant. I think, thou art an ass. welcome dear. [fish, E. Ant. Ah, signior Balthazar, either at flesh or 35 A table-full of welcome makes scarce one dainty [churl affords. dish. Bal. Good meat, sir, is common, that every E. Ant. And welcome more common; for that's nothing but words. [merry feast. 40 Bul. Small cheer, and great welcome, makes a E. Ant. Ay, to a niggardly host, and more sparing guest: [part; But though my cates be mean, take them in good Better cheer may you have, but not with better 45 heart. Lus in. But soft my door is lock'd; Go bid them let E. Dro. Maud, Bridget, Marian, Cicely, Gillian, Ginn! : S. Dro. [Within.] Mome2, malt-horse, capon, 50 cox-comb, ideot, patch'! [hatch: Either get thee from the door, or sit down at the Dost thou conjure for wenches, that thou call'st for such store, III. When one is one too many? go, get thee from the door. E. Dro. What patch is made our porter? my master stays in the street. S. Dro. Let him walk from whence he came, lest he catch cold on's feet. [door. E. Ant. Who talks within there? ho, open the S. Dro. Right, sir, I'll tell you when, an you'll tell me wherefore. [not din'd to-day. E. Ant. Wherefore? for my dinner; I have S. Dro. Nor to-day here you must not; come again when you may. E. Ant. What art thou, that keep'st me out from the house I owe1? S. Dro. The porter for this time, sir, and my name is Dromio. E. Dro. O villain, thou hast stolen both mine office and my name: [blame. The one ne'er got me credit, the other mickle If thou hadst been Dromio to-day in my place, Thou would'st have chang'd thy face for a name, or thy name for an ass. Luce. [Within.] What a coil is there! Dronio, E. Dro. Let thy master in, Luce. E. Dro. O Lord, I must laugh :- [staff! S. Dro. If thy name be called Luce, Luce, thou hast answer'd him well. E. Ant. Do you hear, you minion? you'll let Luce. I thought to have ask'd you. E. Dr. So, come, help; well. struck; there E. Ant. Thou baggage, let me in. E. Ant. You'll cry for this, minion, if I beat 'A carkanet is said to have been a necklace set with stones, or strung with pearls. 2 That is, blockhead, stock, post. Sir T. Hanmer says, Mome owes its original to the French Momon, which signifies the gaming at dice in masquerade, the custom and rule of whica is, that a strict silence is tò be observed: whatever sum one stakes, another covers, but not a word is to be spoken: from hence also comes our word mum! for silence. That is, fool. That is, I own. › To trow signifies to think, to imagine, to conceive. 3 Ang. Ang. Here is neither cheer, sir, nor welcome; we would fain have either. Bal. In debating which was best, we shall part with neither'. E. Dro. They stand at the door, master; bid 5 bid them welcome hither. E. Ant. There is something in the wind, that we cannot get in. [garments were thin. E. Dro. You would say so, master, if your Your cake here is warm within; you stand here 10 [bought and sold2. in the cold: It would make a man mad as a buck, to be so E. Ant. Go fetch me something, I'll break ope [your knave's pate." the gate. S. Dro. Break any thing here, and I'll break 15 E. Dro. A man may break a word with you, sir: and words are but wind; [behind. Ay, and break it in your face, so he break it not S. Dro. It seems, thou wantest breaking: Out upon thee, hind! E. Dro. Here's too much, out upon thee! I pray thee let me in. [fish have nofin. crow. 20 S. Dro. Ay, when fowls have no feathers, and E. Ant. Well, I'll break in; Go, borrow me a [mean you so 25 E. Dro. A crow without feather; master, For a fish without a fin, there's a fowl without a feather; [together. If a crow help us in, sirrah, we'll pluck a crow crow. [dom 35 [you. Bal. Have patience, sir; oh, let it not be so; For ever hous'd, where 't gets possession. E. Ant. You have prevail'd; I will depart in And, in despight of mirth, mean to be merry. 1 Meaning, we shall share with neither. Hath oftentimes upbraided me withal; E. Ant. Do so; this jest shall cost me some ex- SCENE II. The house of Antipholis of Ephesus. Or, if you like elsewhere, do it by stealth; [ness: Be not thy tongue thy own shame's orator; Ill deeds are doubled with an evil word. Being compact' of credit, that you love ut; Comfort my sister, chear her, call her wife: 145Tis holy sport, to be a little vain"; [strife. When the sweet breath of flattery conquers S. Ant. Sweet mistress, (what your name is else, I know not, Ner by what wonder you do hit of mine) 50 Less, in your knowledge, and your grace, you show not, [divine. Than our earth's wonder; more than earth Teach me, dear creature, how to think and speak; Lay open to my earthy gross conceit, 55 Smotherd in errors, feeble, shallow, weak, The folded meaning of your words' deceit. A proverbial phrase. To make the door, is a pro vincial expression, signifying to bar or fasten the door. The meaning is, I will be mer y, even out of spight to mirth, which is, now, of all things, the most unpleasing to me. Compact here means mude up. • Vain here signes not crue. Bu But if that I am I, then well I know, Far more, far more, to you do I decline. [note, Oh, train me not, sweet mermaid', with thy To drown me in thy sister's flood of tears; Sing, syren, for thyself, and I will dote: Spread o'er the silver waves thy golden hairs, And as a bed I'll take thee, and there lie; And, in that glorious supposition, think [die:He gains by death, that hath such means to Let love, being light, be drowned if he sink! Luc. What, are you mad, that you do reason so? S. Ant. Not mad, but mated; how, I do not know. Luc. It is a fault that springeth from your eye. S. Ant. For gazing on your beams, fair sun, being by. Luc. Gaze where you should, and that will clear your sight. 10 15 S. Ant. As good to wink, sweet love, as look 20 on night. [so. Luc. Why call you me, love? call my sister S. Ant. Thy sister's sister. Luc. That's my sister. S. Ant. No; It is thyself, mine own self's better part; Luc. Oh, soft, sir, hold you still; S. Ant. Why, how now, Dromio? where run'st thou so fast? 25 30 and yet is she a wondrous fat marriage. S. Ant. How dost thou mean, a fat marriage? S. Dro. Marry, sir, she's the kitchen-wench, and all grease; and I know not what use to put her to, but to make a lamp of her, and run from her by her own light. I warrant, her rags, and the tallow in them, will burn a Poland winter: if she lives till doomsday, she'll burn a week longer than the whole world. S. Ant. What complexion is she of? S. Dro. Swart, like my shoe, but her face nothing like so clean kept; For why, she sweats, a man may go over shoes in the grime of it. S. Ant. That's a fault that water will mend. S. Dro. No, sir, 'tis in grain; Noah's flood could not do it. S. Ant. What's her name? S. Dro. Nell, sir;-but her name and three quarters (that is, an ell and three quarters,) will not measure her from hip to hip. S. Ant. Then she bears some breadth? S. Dro. No longer from head to foot, than from hip to hip; she is spherical, like a globe; I could find out countries in her. [land? S. Ant. In what part of her body stands treS. Dro. Marry, sir, in her buttocks; I found it out by the bogs. S. Ant. Where Scotland? S. Dro. I found it by the barrenness; hard, in the palm of the hand. S. Ant. Where France? S. Dro. In her forehead; arm'd and reverted, making war against her hair'. S. Ant. Where England? S. Dro. I look'd for the chalky cliffs, but I 35 could find no whiteness in them: but I guess, it stood in her chin, by the salt rheum that ran between France and it. -S. Dro. Do you know me, sir? am I Dromio: 40 am I your man? am I myself? S. Ant. Thou art Dromio, thou art my man, thou art thyself. S. Dro. I am an ass, I am a woman's man, and besides myself. S. Ant. What woman's man? and how besides thyself? S. Dro. Marry, sir, besides myself, I am due to a woman; one that claims me, one that haunts me, one that will have me. S. Ant. What claim lays she to thee? S. Ant. Where Spain? S. Dro. Faith, I saw it not; but I felt it, hot in her breath. S. Ant. Where America, the Indies? S. Dro. Oh, sir, upon her nose, all o'er embellish'd with rubies, carbuncles, sapphires, de clining their rich aspect to the hot breath of 45 Spain; who sent whole armadoes of carracks to be ballasted at her nose. S. Ant. Where stood Belgia, the Netherlands? S. Dro. Oh, sir, I did not look so low. To con clude, this drudge, or diviner, laid claim to me; 50 call'd me Dromio; swore, I was assur'd' to her; told me what privy marks I had about me, as the mark of my shoulder, the mole in my neck, the great wart on my left arm, that I, amaz'd, ran from her as a witch: And, I think, if my breast had not been made of faith, and my heart of steel, she had transform'd me to a curtail dog, and made me turn i' the wheel. [road; S. Dro. Marry, sir, such a claim as you would lay to your horse; and she would have me as a beast: not that, I being a beast, she would have 55 me; but that she, being a very beastly creature, lays claim to me. S. Ant. What is she? S. Dro. A very reverend body; ay, such a one S. Ant. Go, hie thee presently, post to the as a man may not speak of, without he say, sir-60 And if the wind blow any way from shore, reverence: I have but lean luck in the match, 2 will not harbour in this town to-night. That is, another name for syren. That is, confounded. This alludes to her having the French disease. That is, affianced to her. 10 If |