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A very decent singer." The poor bird
8. THE YOUNO FLV AND THE OLD SPIDER. Wolcot.
Fresh was the breath of morn—the busy breeze,
And swept the dew-clad blooms with wings so light:
And smiling, put on his best looks so bright.
On this fair morn, a spider who had set,
With cautious art, upon a spangled thorn;
Humming her little orisons to morn.
"Good morrow, dear Miss Fly," quoth gallant Grim— "Good morrow, sir," replied Miss Fly to him—
"Walk in, Miss, pray, and see what I'm about:" "I'm much obliged t'ye, sir," Miss Fly rejoined, "My eyes are both so very good, I find,
That I can plainly see the whole without."
"Fine weather, Miss"—" Yes, very fine,"
"Then let me squeeze your lovely hand, my dear,
"I've a sore finger, sir, nay more, I fear You really would not let it go again."
M Poh. poh, child, pray dismiss your idle dread:
Well, then, with one sweet kiss of friendship meet me"
So loving, too, I fear that you would eat me."
So saying, with a smile she left the rogue,
To weave more lines of death, and plan for prog.
9. SPECTACLES, OR HELPS TO READ. Byrom.
A certain artist, I've forgot his name, Had got for making spectacles a fame, Or "helps to read"—as, when they first were sold, Was writ upon his glaring sign in gold;And, for all uses to be had from glass, His were allowed by readers to surpass. There came a man into his shop one day— "Are you the spectacle contriver, pray?"
"Yes, sir," said he, "I can in that affair Contrive to please you, if you want a pair.""Can you? pray do then."—So, at first, he chose To place a youngish pair upon his nose;And book produced, to see how they would fit: Asked how he liked 'em ?—" Like 'em—not a bit."—"Then sir, I fancy, if you please to try, These in my hand will better suit your eye"—"No, but they don't"—" Well, come, sir, if you please
Here is another sort, we'll e'en try these;Still somewhat more they magnify the letter;Now, sir ?"—" Why now—I'm not a bit the better"—"No! here, take these that magnify still more;How do they fit?"—" Like all the rest before." In short, they tried a whole assortment through, But all in vain, for none of 'em would do. The operator, much surprised to find So odd a case, thought, sure the man is blind:"What sort of eyes can you ha\e got?" said he,"Why, very good ones, friend, as you may see:""Yes, I perceive the clearness of the ball— Pray, let me ask yoii—>-can you read at all V
"No, you grcat blockhead; if I could, what need
10. The Schoolboy's Complaint.—Anonymous.
I love my master, and my school full well,
When, if by chance, my hands do get a stain,
If slate-string lose,—or pencil chance to drop,
Oh! direful cane! I wish the burning sun
Had parched the ground, and it had brought forth none
Had we no weapon on our England's plain,
But we must cross the ocean for a cane?
Oh! friends believe me, hear me speak my mind:
Oh! what a sufferer, when shall I be freed ?—
Ill go to him, for he's a man of peace,
Oh! wretched me! how oft I've wished in vain,
11. THE THREE BLACK CROWS. ByrOm.
Two honest tradesmen meeting in the Strand, One took the other briskly by the hand; "Hark ye," said he, "'tis an odd story this, About the crows !"—" 1 don't know what it is," Replied his friend.—" No! I'm surprised at that; Where I come from, it is the common chat: But you shall hear: an odd affair indeed! And that it happened, they are all agreed: Not to detain you from a thing so strange, A gentleman, that lives not far from 'Change, This week, in short, as all the alley knows, Taking a puke, has thrown up three black crows." "Impossible !"—" Nay, but it's really true, I had it from good hands, and so may you." "From whose, I pray?" So having named the man Straight to inquire his curious comrade ran. "Sir, did you tell"—relating the affair— "Yes, sir, I did; and if it's worth your care Ask Mr. Such-a-one, he told it me; But, by the by, 'twas two black crows, not three." Resolved to trace so wondrous an event, Whip to the third, the virtuoso went. "Sir,"—and so forth—" Why, yes; the thing is fact, Though in regard to number not exact; It was not two black crows, 'twas only one; The truth of that you may depend upon. The gentleman himself told me the case." "Where may I find him V "Why,—in such a place.* Away he goes, and having found him out,— "Sir, be so good as to resolve a doubt." Then to his last informant he referred, And begged to know if true what he had heard. "Did you, sir, throw up a black crow V "Not IP* "Bless me! how people propagate a lie! Black crows have been thrown up, three, two, and one, And here I find at last all comes to none'
Did you say nothing of a crow at all V
"Crow—crow—perhaps I might, now I recall
The matter over." "And pray, sir, what was't V
"Why, I was horrid sick, and, at the last,
1 did throw up, and told my neighbor so,
Something that Was as black, sir, as a crow."
12. THE OOUTY MERCHANT AND THE STRANGER
In Broad-street buildings, (on a winter night,)
Sat all alone, with one hand rubbing
The Public Ledger, in whose columns grubbing
When, lo! a decent personage in black, Entered and most politely said—
"Your footman, sir, has gone his nightly track To the—King's Head, And left your door ajar, which I Observed in passing by;
And thought it neighborly to give you notice.r Ten thousand thanks—how very few get In time of danger
Such kind attentions from a stranger! Assuredly that fellow's throat is Doomed to a final drop at Newgate: He knows, too, (the unconscious elf,) That there's no soul at home except myself. Inaeed! replied the stranger, (looking grave,) Then he's a double knave: He knows that rogues and thieves by scores Nightly beset unguarded doors: And see, how easily might one Of these domestic foes, Even beneath your very nose, Perform his knavish tricks;
Enter your room, as I have done.