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day, when he spake to the people, in one part of his speech, was applauded: whereupon he turned to one of his friends, and asked, “ What have I said “ amiss ?"
31. Sir Walter Raleigh was wont to say of the ladies of queen Elizabeth's privy-chamber and bedchamber, “ that they were like witches, they could do hurt, but they could do no good.”
32. Bion, that was an atheist, was shewed in a port city, in a temple of Neptune, many tables of pictures, of such as had in tempests made their vows to Neptune, and were saved from shipwreck: and was asked, “How say you now? Do you not acknowledge the power of the gods ?" But he said,
Yes, but where are they painted that have been “ drowned after their vows?"
33. Bias was sailing, and there fell out a great tempest; and the mariners, that were wicked and dissolute fellows, called upon the gods; but Bias said to them, “ Peace, let them not know you are “ here."
34. Bion was wont to say ; “ That Socrates, of “ all the lovers of Alcibiades, only held him by the
35. There was a minister deprived for inconformity, who said to some of his friends, “ that if
they deprived him, it should cost an hundred men's “ lives.” The party understood it, as if, being a turbulent fellow, he would have moved sedition, and complained of him; whereupon being convented and apposed upon that speech, he said his meaning was, " that if he lost his benefice, he would practise
physic, and then he thought he should kill an hun“ dred men in time."
36. Michael Angelo, the famous painter, painting in the pope's chapel the portraiture of hell and damned souls, made one of the damned souls so like a cardinal that was his enemy, as every body at first sight knew it. Whereupon the cardinal complained to pope Clement, desiring it might be defaced. Who said to him, “Why, you know very “ well, I have power to deliver a soul out of purga“ tory, but not out of hell."
37. There was a philosopher about Tiberius, that looking into the nature of Caius, said of him ; “ that he was mire mingled with blood.”
38. Alcibiades came to Pericles, and stayed a while ere he was admitted. When he came in, Pericles civilly excused it, and said ; “ I was study
; “ing how to give my account.” But Alcibiades said to him,
“ If you will be ruled by me, study rather “ how to give no account.”
39. Cicero was at dinner, where there was an ancient lady that spake of her years, and said, "she was but forty years old.” One that sat by Cicero rounded him in the ear, and said; “ She talks “ of forty years old ; and she is far more, out of
question.” Cicero answered him again ; “ I must “ believe her, for I have heard her say so any time “ these ten years."
40. Pope Adrian the sixth was talking with the duke of Sesa, “ that Pasquil gave great scandal, and
" that he would have him thrown into the river;" but Sesa answered, “ Do it not, holy father, for then " he will turn frog; and whereas now he chants but
by day, he will then chant both by day and night.”
41. There was a soldier that yaunted before Julius Cæsar of hurts he had received in his face. Julius Cæsar knowing him to be but a coward, told him; “ You were best take heed next time you run away,
you look back." 42. There was a bishop that was somewhat a delicate
person, and bathed twice a day. A friend of his said to him; “My lord, why do you
bathe “ twice a day ?” The bishop answered ; " Because I “ cannot conveniently bathe thrice.” 43. Mendoza that was vice-roy of Peru, was wont
“ That the government of Peru was the best place that the king of Spain gave, save that it was “ somewhat too near Madrid."
44. Secretary Bourn's son kept a gentleman's wife in Shropshire, who lived from her husband, with him : when he was weary of her, he caused her husband to be dealt with to take her home, and offered him five hundred pounds for reparation; the gentleman went to Sir H. Sidney to take his advice upon this offer, telling him, “ that his wife promised now a
new life ; and, to tell him truth, five hundred
pounds would come well with him; and besides, " that sometimes he wanted a woman in his bed." “ By my troth,” said Sir Henry Sidney, “ take her “'home, and take the money : and then whereas other
“ cuckolds wear their horns plain, you may wear “ yours gilt."
45. There was a gentleman in Italy that wrote to a great friend of his upon his advancement to be cardinal, that he was very glad of his advancement, for the cardinal's own sake; but he was sorry that himself had lost so good a friend.
46. When Rabelais lay on his death-bed, and they gave him the extreme unction, a familiar friend of his came to him afterwards, and asked him how he did ? Rabelais answered, “ Even going my journey, they have greased my boots already.”
47. There was a king of Hungary took a bishop in battle, and kept him prisoner: whereupon the pope writ a monitory to him, for that he had broke the privilege of holy church, and taken his son. The king sent an embassage to him, and sent withal the armour wherein the bishop was taken, and this only in writing, “ Vide num hæc sit vestis filii tui :"
48. There was a suitor to Vespasian, who, to lay his suit fairer, said it was for his brother; whereas indeed it was for a piece of money. Some about Vespasian, to cross him, told the emperor that the party his servant spoke for, was not his brother ; but that it was upon a bargain. Vespasian sent for the party interested, and asked him; “ Whether “ his mean was his brother or
He durst not tell untruth to the emperor, and confessed that he was not his brother. Whereupon the emperor said,
“ This do, fetch me the money, and " you shall have your suit dispatched.” Which he
did. The courtier, which was the mean, solicited Vespasian soon after about his suit : “ Why,” saith Vespasian, “I gave it last day to a brother of
49. When Vespasian passed from Jewry to take upon him the empire, he went by Alexandria, where remained two famous philosophers, Appollonius and Euphrates. The emperor heard the discourse, touching matter of state, in the presence of many. And when he was weary of them, he brake off, and in a secret derision, finding their discourses but speculative, and not to be put in practice, said, “ O that I "might govern wise men, and wise men govern me.
50. Cardinal Ximenes, upon a muster, which was taken against the Moors, was spoken to by a servant of his to stand a little out of the smoke of the harquebuss; but he said again, “ That that was his “ incense."
51. Vespasian asked of Apollonius, what was the cause of Nero's ruin? Who answered, “ Nero could "tune the harp well, but in government he did " always wind up the strings too high, or let them down too low."
52. Mr. Bromley, solicitor, giving in evidence for a deed, which was impeached to be fraudulent, was urged by the counsel on the other side with this presumption, that in two former suits, when title was made, that deed was passed over in silence, and some other conveyance stood upon. Mr. Justice Catline taking in with that side, asked the solicitor, “ I pray " thee, Mr. Solicitor, let me ask you a familiar ques