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SCENE IV. London. A Room in the Boar's Head Tavern, in
Enter Two Drawers. i Draw. What the devil hast thou brought there? apple-Johns? thou know'st, sir John cannot endure an apple-John.
2 Draw. Mass, thou sayest true: The prince once set a dish of apple-Johns before him, and told him, there were five more sir Johns: and, putting off his hat, said, I will now take my leave of these six dry, round, old, withered knights. It angered him to the heart: but he hath forgot that.
i Draw. Why then, cover, and set them down : And see if thou canst find out Sneak's noise;o mistress Tear-sheet would fain hear some musick. Despatch:—The room where they supped, is too hot; they'll come in straight.
2 Draw. Sirrah, here will be the prince, and master Poins anon: and they will put on two of our jerkins, and aprons; and sir John must not know of it: Bardolph hath brought word.
i Draw. By the mass, here will be old utis:? It will be an excellent stratagem.
2 Draw. I'll see, if I can find out Sneak. [E
Enter Hostess and Doll TEAR-SHEET. Host. l'faith, sweet heart, methinks now you are
6- Sneak's noise;] Sneak was a street minstrel, and therefore the drawer goes out to listen if he can hear him in the neighbourhood. JOHNSON
1- here will be old utis:] Utis, an old word yet in use in some counties, signifying a merry festival, from the French huit, octo.
in an excellent good temperality: your pulsidge beats as extraordinarily as heart would desire; and your colour, I warrant you, is as red as any rose: But, i'faith, you have drunk too much canaries; and that's a marvellous searching wine, and it perfumes the blood ere one can say,—What's this? How do you now?
Dol. Better than I was. Hem.
Host. Why, that's well said; a good heart's worth gold. Look, here comes sir John.
Enter FalstAFP, singing. Fal. When Arthur first in courte-Empty the jordan.— And was a worthy king: [Exit Drawer.] How now, mistress Doll?
Host. Sick of a calm:' yea, good sooth.
Fal. So is all her sect; an they be once in a calm, they are sick.
Dol. You muddy rascal, is that all the comfort you give me?
Fal. You make fat rascals,' mistress Doll.
Dol. I make them! gluttony and diseases make them; I make them not.
Fal. If the cook help to make the gluttony, you help to make the diseases, Doll: we catch of you, Doll, we catch of you; grant that, my poor virtue, grant that.
Dol. Ay, marry; our chains, and our jewels.
Fal. Your brooches, pearls, and owches;—for to serve bravely, is to come halting off, you know:
8 When Arthur first in court -] The entire ballad is published in the first volume of Dr. Percy's Reliques of ancient English Poetry. 9 Sick of a calm:) Perhaps she means to say of a qualm.
You make fat rascals,] Falstaff alludes to a phrase of the forest. Lean deer are called rascal deer. He tells her she calls him wrong, being fat he cannot be a rascal. Johnson.
To come off the breach with his pike bent bravely, and to surgery bravely; to venture upon the charged chambers bravely:
Dol. Hang yourself, you muddy conger, hang yourself!
Host. By my troth, this is the old fashion; you two never meet, but you fall to some discord: you are both, in good troth, as rheumatick’ as two dry toasts;* you cannot one bear with another's confirmities. What the good-year! one must bear, and that must be you: [To Doll.] you are the weaker vessel, as they say, the emptier vessel.
Dol. Can a weak empty vessel bear such a huge full hogshead? there's a whole merchant's venture of Bourdeaux stuff in him; you have not seen a hulk better stuffed in the hold.—Come, I'll be friends with thee, Jack: thou art going to the wars; and whether I shall ever see thee again, or no, there is nobody cares.
Re-enter Drawer. Draw. Sir, ancient Pistol'ss below, and would speak with you.
Dol. Hang him, swaggering rascal! let him not come hither: it is the foul mouth'dst rogue in England.
Host. If he swagger, let him not come here: no, by my faith; I must live amongst my neigh
- the charged chambers-] To understand this quibble, it is necessary to say, that a chamber signifies not only an apartment, but a piece of ordnance. i r heumatick-) Rheumatick, in the cant language of the times, signified capricious, humoursome. In this sense it appears to be used in many other old plays.
- as two dry toasts;] Which cannot meet but they grate one another.
5 ancient Pistol-) Is the same as ensign Pistol. Falstaff was captain, Peto lieutenant, and Pistol ensign, or ancient.
bours; I'll no swaggerers: I am in good name and fame with the very best :- Shut the door;—there comes no swaggerers here; I have not lived all this while, to have swaggering now:- shut the door, I pray you.
Fal. Dost thou hear, hostess ?
Host. Pray you, pacify yourself, sir John ; there comes no swaggerers here.
Fal. Dost thou hear? it is mine ancient.
Host. Tilly-fally, sir John, never tell me; your ancient swaggerer comes not in my doors. I was before master Tisick, the deputy, the other day; and, as he said to me, it was no longer ago than Wednesday last,--Neighbour Quickly, says he;master Dumb, our minister, was by then ;-Neighbour Quickly, says he, receive those that are civil; for, saith he, you are in an ill name ;—now he said so, I can tell whereupon; for, says he, you are an honest woman, and well thought on; therefore take heed what guests you receive: Receive, says he, no swaggering companions.-—There comes none here; -you would bless you to hear what he said:—no, I'll no swaggerers.
Fal. He's no swaggerer, hostess ; a tame cheater,' he; you may stroke him as gently as a puppy greyhound: he will not swagger with a Barbary hen, if her feathers turn back in any show of resistance. Call him up, drawer.
Host. Cheater, call you him. I will bar no honest man my house, nor no cheater:8 But I do not love swaggering; by my troth, I am the worse, when
- there comes no swaggerers here.] A swaggerer was a roaring, bullying, blustering, fighting fellow.
L a tame cheater,] Gamester and cheater were, in Shakspeare's age, synonymous terms.
8 I will bar no honest man my house, nor no cheater:] The humour of this consists in the woman's mistaking the title of cheater, (which our ancestors gave to him whom we now, with better manners, call a gamester,) for that officer of the exchequer called an escheator, well known to the common people of that time; and named, either corruptly or satirically, a cheater.
one says_swagger: feel, masters, how I shake; look you, I warrant you.
Dol. So you do, hostess.
Host. Do I? yea, in very truth, do I, an 'twere an aspen leaf : I cannot abide swaggerers.
Enter Pistol, BARDOLPH, and Page. Pist. 'Save you, sir John!
Fal. Welcome, ancient Pistol. Here, Pistol, I charge you with a cup of sack: do you discharge upon mine hostess.
Pist. I will discharge upon her, sir John, with two bullets.
Fal. She is pistol-proof, sir; you shall hardly offend her.
Host. Come, I'll drink no proofs, nor no bullets : I'll drink no more than will do me good, for no man's pleasure, I.
Pist. Then to you, mistress Dorothy; I will charge you.
Dol. Charge me? I scorn you, scurvy companion. What! you poor, base, rascally, cheating, lack-linen mate! Away, you mouldy rogue, away! I am meat for your master.
Pist. I know you, mistress Dorothy.
Dol. Away, you cut-purse rascal! you filthy bung, away! by this wine, I'll thrust my knife in your mouldy chaps, an you play the saucy cuttle with me. Away, you bottle-ale rascal ! you baskethilt stale juggler, you!—Since when, I pray you, sir?-What, with two points' on your shoulder much!"
'— with two points-] As a mark of his commission.