Fal. Very well, sir; proceed. Ford. There is a gentlewoman in this town, her husband's name is Ford. Fal. Well, sir. Ford. I have long loved her, and, I protest to stand any thing; for 'tis not good that children should know any wickedness; old folks, you know, have discretion, as they say, and know the world. Fal. Fare thee well: commend me to them both there's my purse: I am yet thy debtor.Boy, go along with this woman.-This news dis- you, bestowed much on her; followed her with a tracts me! [Exeunt Quickly and Robin. doting observance; engrossed opportunities to Pist. This punk is one of Cupid's carriers :- meet her; fee'd every slight occasion, that could Clap on more sails; pursue, up with your fights; but niggardly give me sight of her not only Give fire; she is my prize, or ocean whelm them bought many presents to give her, but have given all! [Exit Pistol. largely to many, to know what she would have Fal. Say'st thou so, old Jack? go thy ways; given: briefly, I have pursued her, as love hath I'll make more of thy old body than I have done. pursued me; which hath been, on the wing of all Will they yet look after thee? Wilt thou, after occasions. But whatsover I have merited, either the expense of so much money, be now a gainer? in my mind, or in my means, meed,' I am sure, I Good body, I thank thee: Let them say, 'tis grossly have received none; unless experience be a jewel: done; so it be fairly done, no matter. [that I have purchased at an infinite rate; and that nath taught me to say this: Enter Bardolph. Bard. Sir John, there's one master Brook below would fain speak with you, and be acquainted with you; and hath sent your worship a morning's draught of sack. Fal. Brook, is his name? Fal. Call him in; [Exit Bardolph.] Such Re-enter Bardolph, with Ford disguised. Ford. Bless you, sir. Fal. And you, sír; Would you speak with me? Ford. I make bold, to press with so little preparation upon you. Fal. Of what quality was your love then? Ford. Like a fair house, built upon another man's ground; so that I have lost my edifice, by mistaking the place where I erected it. Fal. To what purpose have you unfolded this to me? Ford. When I have told you that, I have told you all. Some say, that, though she appear honest Fal. You're welcome; What's your will? Give mirth so far, that there is shrewd construction to me, yet, in other places, she enlargeth her us leave, drawer. [Exit Bardolph. made of her. Now, sir John, here is the heart of Ford. Sir, I am a gentleman that have spent my purpose: You are a gentleman of excellent much; my name is Brook. Fal. Good master Brook, I desire more acquaintance of you. Ford. Good sir John, I sue for yours: not to charge you; for I must let you understand, I think myself in better plight for a lender than you are: the which hath something enboldened me to this unseasoned intrusion; for they say, if money go before, all ways do lie open. Fal. Money is a good soldier, sir, and will on. Ford. Troth, and I have a bag of money here troubles me; if you will help me to bear it, sir John, take all, or half, for easing me of the carriage. Fal. Sir, I know not how I may deserve to be your porter. Ford. I will tell you, sir, if you will give me the hearing. Fal. Speak, good master Brook: I shall be glad to be your servant. tance, authentic in your place and person, gene- Fal. O, sir! money; spend it, spend it; spend more; spend Ford. Believe it, for you know it:-There is all I have; only give me so much of your time in exchange of it, as to lay an amiable siege to the honesty of this Ford's wife: use your art of wooing, win her to consent to you; if any man may, you may as soon as any. Fal. Would it apply well to the vehemency of your affection, that I should win what you would enjoy? Methinks, you prescribe to yourself very preposterously. Ford. O, understand my drift! she dwells so the folly of my soul dares not present itself; she is securely on the excellency of her honour, that too bright to be looked against. Now, could I come Ford. Sir, I hear you are a scholar,-I will be to her with any detection in my hand, my desires brief with you ;and you have been a man had instance and argument to commend themselves; long known to me, though I had never so good I could drive her then from the ward of her purity, means, as desire, to make myself acquainted with her reputation, her marriage-vow, and a thousand you. I shall discover a thing to you, wherein I other her defences, which now are too strongly must very much lay open mine own imperfection: embattled against me; What say you to't, sir but, good sir John, as you have one eye upon my John? follies, as you hear them unfolded, turn another Fal. Master Brook, I will first make bold with into the register of your own; that I may pass with a reproof the easier, sith you yourself know, how as I am a gentleman, you shall, if you will, enjoy your money; next, give me your hand; and last, easy it is to be such an offender. Ford's wife. (4) In the greatest companies. (5) Approved. (6) Guard. none. Caius. By gar, he has save his soul, dat he is no come; he has pray his Pible vell, dat he is no come; by gar, Jack Rugby, he is dead already, if he be come. Fal. Want no mistress Ford, master Brook, you! Rug. He is wise, sir: he knew your worship shall want none. I shall be with her (I may tell would kill him, if he came. you,) by her own appointment; even as you came Caius. By gar, de herring is no dead, so as I vill in to me, her assistant, or go-between, parted from kill him. Take your rapier, Jack; I vill tell you me: I say, I shall be with her between ten and how I vill kill him. eleven; for at that time the jealous rascally knave, her husband, will be forth. Come you to me at night; you shall know how I speed. Ford. I am blest in your acquaintance. Do you know Ford, sir? Fal. Hang him, poor cuckoldly knave! I know him not:-yet I wrong him, to call him poor; they say, the jealous wittolly knave hath masses of money; for the which his wife seems to me wellfavoured. I will use her as the key of the cuckoldly rogue's coffer; and there's my harvest-home. Ford. I would you knew Ford, sir; that you might avoid him, if you saw him. Rug. Alas, sir, I cannot fence. Enter Host, Shallow, Slender, and Page. Host. 'Bless thee, bully doctor. Caius. Vat be all you, one, two, tree, four, come for? Host. To see thee fight, to see thee foin, to see Fal. Hang him, mechanical salt-butter rogue! I thee traverse, to see thee here, to see thee there; will stare him out of his wits; I will awe him with to see thee pass thy punto, thy stock, thy reverse, my cudgel: it shall hang like a meteor o'er the thy distance, thy montánt. Is he dead, my Ethcuckold's horns: master Brook, thou shalt know, opian? is he dead, my Francisco? ha, bully! I will predominate o'er the peasant, and thou shalt What says my Esculapius? my Galen? my heart of elder? ha? is he dead, bully Stale? is he dead? lie with his wife.-Come to me soon at night :Ford's a knave, and I will aggravate his stile;' Caius. By gar, he is de coward Jack priest of thou master Brook, shalt know him for a knave de world: he is not show his face. Host. Thou art a Castilian king, Urinal! Hecand cuckold:-come to me soon at night. [Exit. Ford. What a damned Epicurean rascal is this! tor of Greece, my boy! -My heart is ready to crack with impatience- Caius. I pray you, bear witness that me have Who says, this is improvident jealousy? My wife stay six or seven, two, tree hours for him, and he hath sent to him, the hour is fixed, the match is is no come. made. Would any man have thought this ?-See Shal. He is the wiser man, master doctor: he is the hell of having a false woman! my bed shall a curer of souls, and you a curer of bodies; if you be abused, my coffers ransacked, my reputation should fight, you go against the hair of your pregnawn at; and I shall not only receive this villa- fessions: is it not true, master Page? Page. Master Shallow, you have yourself been nous wrong, but stand under the adoption of abominable terms, and by him that does me this wrong. a great fighter, though now a man of peace. Shal. Bodykins, master Page, though I now be Terms! names!-Amaimon sounds well; Lucifer, well; Barbason, well; yet they are devil's old, and of the peace, if I see a sword out, my additions, the names of fiends: but cuckold! wit- finger itches to make one: though we are justices, tola cuckold! the devil himself hath not such a and doctors, and churchmen, master Page, we name. Page is an ass, a secure ass; he will trust have some salt of our youth in us; we are the sons his wife, he will not be jealous: I will rather of women, master Page. trust a Fleming with my butter, parson Hugh the Shal. It will be found so, master Page. Master Welshman with my cheese, an Irishman with my aquavitæ bottle, or a thief to walk my ambling doctor Caius, I am come to fetch you home. Iam gelding, than my wife with herself: then she plots, sworn of the peace; you have showed yourself a then she ruminates, then she devises; and what wise physician, and sir Hugh hath shown hims if they think in their hearts they may effect, they a wise and patient churchman: you must go with will break their hearts but they will effect. Heaven me, master doctor. Page. 'Tis true, master Shallow. Muck-water?" Caius. Muck-vater! vat is dat ? be praised for my jealousy!-Eleven o'clock the Host. Pardon, guest justice :-A word, monsieur hour; I will prevent this, detect my wife, be revenged on Falstaff, and laugh at Page. I will about it; better three hours too soon, than a minute too late. Fie, fie, fie! cuckold! cuckold! valour, bully. [Exit. cuckold! Host. Muck-water, in our English tongue, is Caius. By gar, then I have as much muck-vater as de Englishman:-Scurvy jack-dog priest! by gar, me vill cut his ears. Host. He will clapper-claw thee tightly, bully. Host. And I will provoke him to't, or let him Rug. 'Tis past the hour, sir, that sir Hugh pro-wag. mised to meet. (2) Contented cuckold. (1) Add to his title. Caius. Me tank you for dat. Host. And moreover, bully,-But fi master (6) Cant term for Spaniard. Page, Shal. and Slen. Adieu, good master doctor. [Exeunt Page, Shallow, and Slender. Caius. By gar, me vill kill de priest; for he speak for a jack-an-ape to Anne Page. Host. Let him die: but, first, sheath thy impatience; throw cold water on thy choler: go about the fields with me through Frogmore; I will bring thee where Mrs. Anne Page is, at a farm-house a feasting; and thou shalt woo her: Cry'd game, said I well? Caius. By gar, me tank you for dat; by gar, I love you; and I shall procure-a you de good guest, de earl, de knight, de lords, de gentlemen, my patients. Eva. Pray you, give me my gown; or else keep it in your arms. Enter Page, Shallow, and Slender. Shal. How now, master parson? Good morrow, good sir Hugh. Keep a gamester from the dice, and a good student from his book, and it is wonderful." Slen. Ah, sweet Anne Page! Eva. 'Pless you from his mercy sake, all of you! Shal. What! the sword and the world! do you study them both, master parson? Page. And youthful still, in your doublet and hose, this raw rheumatic day? Eva. There is reasons and causes for it. Page. We are come to you, to do a good office, master parson. Eva. Fery well: what is it? Page. Yonder is a most reverend gentleman, who belike, having received wrong by some person, is Host. For the which, I will be thy adversary to-at most odds with his own gravity and patience, wards Anne Page; said I well? Caius. By gar, 'tis good; vell said. Host. Let us wag then. Caius. Come at my heels, Jack Rugby. ACT III. [Exeunt. SCENE I-A field near Frogmore. Enter Sir Eva. I pray you now, good master Slender's serving-man, and friend Simple by your name, which way have you looked for master Caius, that calls himself Doctor of Physic? Sim. Marry, sir, the city-ward, the park-ward, every way; old Windsor way, and every way but the town way. Era. I most fehemently desire you, you will also look that way. Sim. I will, sir. Eva. 'Pless my soul! how full of cholers I am, To shallow rivers, to whose falls To shallow that ever you saw. Shal. I have lived fourscore years and upward; I never heard a man of his place, gravity, and learning, so wide of his own respect. Eva. What is he? Eva. He has no more knowledge in Hibocrates and Galen,—and he is a knave besides; a cowardly knave, as you would desires to be acquainted withal. Page. I warrant you, he's the man should fight with him. Slen. O, sweet Anne Page! Shal. It appears so, by his weapons:-Keep them asunder;-here comes doctor Caius. Enter Host, Caius, and Rugby. Page. Nay, good master parson, keep in your weapon. Shal. So do you, good master doctor. Host. Disarm them, and let them question; let them keep their limbs whole, and hack our English. Caius. I pray you, let-a me speak a word vit your ear: Verefore will you not meet-a me? Eva. Pray you, use your patience: In good time. Caius. By gar, you are de coward, de Jack dog, John ape. Eva. Pray you, let us not be laughing-stogs to other men's humours; I desire you in friendship, Mercy on me! I have a great dispositions to cry. and I will one way or other make you amends: Melodious birds sing madrigals ; When as I sat in Pabylon,2 And a thousand fragrant posies. To shallow I will knog your urinals about your knave's cogscomb, for missing your meetings and appointments. Caius. Diable !-Jack Rugby,-mine Host de Jarterre, have I not stay for him, to kill him? have Sim. Yonder he is coming, this way, sir Hugh. I not, at de place I did appoint? Eva. He's welcome: To shallow rivers, to whose falls—— Sim. No weapons, sir: There comes my master, master Shallow, and another gentleman from Frogmore, over the stilc, this way. (1) Head. Eva. As I am a Christians soul, now, look you, this is the place appointed; I'll be judgment by mine host of the Garter. and Welsh; soul-curer and body-curer. Caius. Ay, dat is very good! excellent! ter. (2) Babylon, the first line of the 137th Psalm. H vel? Shall I lose my doctor? no; he gives me the plots !-they are laid; and our revolted wiles potions, and the motions. Shall I lose my parson? share damnation together. Well; I will take hi... my priest? my sir Hugh? no; he gives me the then torture my wife, pluck the borrowed veil pro-verbs and the no-verbs.-Give me thy hand, modesty from the so seeming mistress Page, 4.terrestrial; so:-Give me thy hand, celestial; so. vulge Page himself for a secure and wilful Actao.. -Boys of art, I have deceived you both; I have and to these violent proceedings all my neighbo directed you to wrong places: your hearts are shall cry aim. [Clock strikes.] The clock gives mighty, your skins are whole, and let burnt sack me my cue, and my assurance bids me seare be the issue.-Come, lay their swords to pawn:- there I shall find Falstaff: I shall be rather prais Follow me, lad of peace; follow, follow, follow. for this, than mocked; for it is as positive as the Shal. Trust me, a mad host:-Follow, gentle-earth is firm, that Falstaff is there: I will go. men, follow. Slen. O, sweet Anne Page! [Exeunt Shal. Slen. Page, and Host. Caius. Ha! do I perceive dat? have you makea de sot1 of us? ha, ha! Eva. This is well; he has made us his vloutingstog.-I desire you, that we may be friends; and let us knog our prains together, to be revenge on this same scall, scurvy, cogging companion, the host of the Garter. Caius. By gar, vit all my heart; he promise to bring me vere is Anne Page: by gar, he de Enter Page, Shallow, Slender, Host, Sir Hugh Shal. Page, &c. Well met, master Ford. Shal. We have linger'd about a match between ceive me too. Anne Page and my cousin Slender, and this day Eva. Well, I will smite his noddles:-Pray we shall have our answer. you, follow. [Exeunt. Mrs. Page. By your leave, sir;-I am sick, till I see her. [Exeunt Mrs. Page and Robin. Ford. Has Page any brains? hath he any eyes? hath he any thinking? Sure, they sleep; he hath Slen. I hope, I have your good-will, father Page. Page. You have, master Slender; I stand whelly for you:-but my wife, master doctor, is for you altogether. Caius. Ay, by gar; and de maid is love-a me; my nursh-a Quickly tell me so mush. Host. What say you to young master Fenton he capers, he dances, he has eyes of youth, 1 writes verses, he speaks holiday, he smells Ap and May: he will carry't, he will carry't; 'tis in his buttons; he will carry't. Page. Not by my consent, I promise you. The gentlemen is of no having: he kept company wit the wild Prince and Poins; he is of too high att knot in his fortunes with the finger of my subgion, he knows too much. No, he shall not knit a stance: if he take her, let him take her simply: the wealth I have waits on my consent, and my consent goes not that way. Ford. I beseech you, heartily, some of you so home with me to dinner: besides your cheer, you shall have sport; I will show you a monster.-Master doctor, you shall go ;—so shall you, mater Page;-and you, sir Hugh. Shal. Well, fare you well:-we shall have the freer wooing at master Page's. [Exeunt Shallow and Slend r. Caius. Go home, John Rugby; I come anov. [Exit Ragir. Host. Farewell, my hearts: I will to my honest knight Falstaff, and drink canary with him. [Exit Hos.. Ford. [Aside. I think, I shall drink in pines wine first with him; I'll make him dance. Will you go, gentles? All. Have with you, to see this monster. Mrs. Ford and Mrs. Page. [Exent. no use of them. Why, this boy will carry a letter SCENE III-A room in Ford's house. Enter twenty miles, as easy as a cannon will shoot pointblank twelve score. He pieces-out his wife's inclination; he gives her folly motion, and advantage: and now she's going to my wife, and Falstaff's Doy with her. A man may hear this shower sing in the wind!-and Falstaff's boy with her!-Good (1) Fool. (2) Flouting-stock. (3) Specious. 74) Shall encourage. Mrs. Ford. What, John! what, Robert! Mrs. Page. Quickly, quickly: is the buck basket Mrs. Ford. I warrant :-what, Robin, I say (6) Not rich. (5) Out of the common style. Enter Servants with a basket. must be brief. Mrs. Ford. Marry, as I told you before, John, and Robert, be ready here hard by in the brew house; and when I suddenly call you, come forth, and (without any pause or staggering,) take this basket on your shoulders: that done, trudge with it in all haste, and carry it among the whitsters1 in Datchet Mead, and there empty it in the muddy ditch, close by the Thames' side. Mrs. Page. You will do it? Mrs. Ford. I have told them over and over; they lack no direction: be gone, and come when [Exeunt Servants. Mrs. Page. Here comes little Robin. you are called. Rob. Ay, I'll be sworn: my master knows not of your being here; and hath threatened to put me into everlasting liberty, if I tell you of it; for, he swears, he'll turn me away. Mrs. Page. Thou'rt a good boy; this secrecy of thine shall be a tailor to thee, and shall make thee a new doublet and hose.-I'll go hide me. Mrs. Ford. Do so:-Go tell thy master, I am alone. Mrs. Page, remember you your cue. [Exit Robin. Mrs. Page. I warrant thee; if I do not act it, [Exit Mrs. Page. irs. Ford. Go to then; we'll use this unwholeme humidity, this gross watry pumpion;-we'll teach him to know turtles from jays. .ne. Enter Falstaff. Fal. Have I caught thee, my heavenly jewel? Why, now let me die, for I have lived long enough; this is the period of my ambition: O this blessed hour! Mrs. Ford. O sweet sir John! Mrs. Ford. Believe me, there's no such thing in me. Fal. What made me love thee? let that perCome, I cannot cog, and say, thou art this and suade thee, there's something extraordinary in thee. that, like a many of these lisping hawthorn buds, that come like women in men's apparel, and stell I love thee; none but thee; and thou deservest it. like Bucklersbury' in simple-time; I cannot: but Mrs. Ford. Do not betray me, sir; I fear, you love mistress Page. by the Counter-gate; which is as hateful to me as Fal. Thou might'st as well say, I love to walk the reek of a lime-kiln. Mrs. Ford. Well, heaven knows, how I love you; and you shall one day find it. Fal. Keep in that mind; I'll deserve it. Mrs. Ford. Nay, I must tell you, so you do; or else I could not be in that mind. Rob. [within.] Mistress Ford, mistress Ford! here's mistress Page at the door, sweating and blowing, and looking wildly, and would needs speak with you presently. Fal. She shall not see me; I will ensconce" me behind the arras." Mrs. Ford. Pray you, do so; she's a very tattling woman.— [Falstaff hides himself. Enter Mistress Page and Robin. What's the matter? how now? Mrs. Page. O mistress Ford, what have you done? You're shamed, you are overthrown, you are undone for ever. Mrs. Ford. What's the matter, good mistress Page? Mrs. Page. O well-a-day, mistress Ford! having an honest man to your husband, to give him such cause of suspicion! Mrs. Ford. What cause of suspicion? Mrs. Page. What cause of suspicion ?-Out upon you! how am I mistook in you! Mrs. Ford. Why, alas! what's the matter? Mrs. Page. Your husband's coming hither, weman, with all the officers in Windsor, to search for a gentleman, that, he says, is here now in the house, by your consent, to take an ill advantage of his absence. You are undone. Mrs. Ford. Speak louder.-[Aside.]—"Tis not so, I hope. Mrs. Page. Pray heaven it be not so, that you Fal. Mistress Ford, I cannot cog, I cannot prate, have such a man here; but 'tis most certain your Mistress Ford. Now shall I sin in my wish: I husband's coming, with half Windsor at his heels, would thy husband were dead: I'll speak it before to search for such a one. I come before to teil the best lord, I would make thee my lady. you: if you know yourself clear, why I am glad Mrs. Ford. I your lady, sir John! alas, I should of it: but if you have a friend here, convey, corbe a pitiful lady. vey him out. Be not amazed; call all your senses Fal. Let the court of France show me such ano- to you; defend your reputation, or bid farewell to ther; I see how thine eyes would emulate the your good life forever. diamond: thou hast the right arched bent of the Mrs. Ford. What shall I do?-There is a genbrow, that becomes the ship-tire, the tire-valiant, tleman, my dear friend; and I fear not mine own or any tire of Venetian admittance. shame, so much as his peril: I had rather than a Mrs. Ford. A plain kerchief, sir John: my thousand pound, he were out of the house. brows become nothing else; nor that well neither. Mrs. Page. For shame, never stand you had Fal. Thou art a traitor to say so: thou would'st rather, and you had rather; your husband's here make an absolute courtier; and the firm fixture of at hand, bethink you of some conveyance: in the thy foot would give an excellent motion to thy gait, house you cannot hide him.-O, how have you dein a semi-circled farthingale. I see what thou ceived me!-Look, here is a basket; if he be of wert, if fortune thy foe were not; nature is thy any reasonable stature, he may creep in here; and friend: come, thou canst not hide it. throw foul linen upon him, as if it were going to (1) Bleachers of linen. (2) A young small hawk. (4) Venetian fashions. (5) Formerly chiefly inhabited by druggists. 3) A puppet thrown at in Lent, like shrove-cocks. (6) Prison. |