Best for:
Anyone interested in a straightforward exploration of a woman’s life under patriarchy. In this case, the patriarchy women experience in Korea.

In a nutshell:
Kim Jiyoung’s story, from birth through motherhood, and all the times her being a girl / woman has been held against her.

Worth quoting:
“It felt more like harassment or violence than pranks, and there was nothing she could do about it.”

“It wasn’t that she didn’t have time - she didn’t have room in her head for other thoughts.”

“The world had changed a great deal, but the little rules, contracts and customs had not, which meant the world hadn’t actually changed at all.”

Why I chose it:
I’d heard about the 4B movement recently, and this book (and the film it was eventually made into) is referenced as influencing it: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/4B_movement

Review:
On the surface this is a simple book. It’s a totally straightforward telling of one woman’s story, from birth through primary school, university, work and marriage.

From being a disappointment to her parents purely because she was a girl, to working to put her younger brother through university before she was able to go, to trying to find a job, to getting married and having a child. And all the ways that society puts the boys and men in her life first, both figuratively and, in the case of the order of who gets served lunch in primary school, literally.

But this is also a clever book - it takes a story that could be the story of so many women and makes it personal. It doesn’t have flowery writing, or long scenes of dialog. But it has emotion - and a lot of it. I had so many feelings while reading it. I often wrote in the margins such deep words as ‘gross’ and ‘what the fuck.’

Author Cho delivers an unexpected (to me, as I wasn’t familiar with the book or film at all) gut punch in the last few pages that still has me thinking a day after finishing the book. It’s an interesting framing that drives home all the pages that came before it.

What’s next for this book:
Recommending it to others. ( )

Kim Jiyoung is everywoman. Her name is a common one, her experience too. It would have been better if she'd been born a boy - according to her mother's in-laws. Her mother's career choices had been limited by the family's need to pay for her brother's education. Kim herself certainly plays second fiddle to her brother. The school system favours boys, university too. Boys sometimes harass girls - but it's the girl's fault. Women in work get paid less than men, and get overlooked for promotion. Kim discovers all this, and then gives up her career, which she loved, for a baby and domesticity. She can't be depressed - she has so much going for her surely? So she must be mad.

This story is told in an impersonal, baldly written style, and is supported by footnotes throughout. This is what gives the story its immediacy, and guaranteed its success among Korean women. Things might not be quite the same here, but this is a book whose message is not at all hard to understand. A vivid, uncompromising read. ( )

Unflinching and infuriating and superbly written! I got so angry and then heartbroken at times reading this and seeing how Jiyoung was treated and regarded, simply for being a woman. I think Cho does a wonderful job balancing out fact (the footnotes backing up her research were very informative) and fiction in a way that makes this story impossible to forget about. ( )

Although a novel, this story is punctuated with footnotes to facts and statistics about women’s second-class status in the workforce, an honest look at transitioning to full time motherhood and full economic dependency after having an interesting career, and a fascinating glimpse into the gender struggles in very traditional South Korea. I felt the characters were a little flat, but then when the narrator was revealed, it made more sense, and I suspect there may have been some nuances lost in translation. Nevertheless, a very good read. ( )

See the full review and more at MyBookJoy.com!

Recommended: oh yes
For men and others who are unaware of how crappily women are treated due to institutionalized efforts against them consciously or not, for those who need a refresher on gender equality, for a short read that packs a punch, for anyone looking for a cruel dose of reality


Thoughts:
I've lived and worked in Korea before, and it is my favorite place in the world. However that doesn't mean I'm blind to its flaws, as every place will have. In the case of Korea, much of it centers around gender equality issues largely stemming from traditional roles that the culture has struggled to truly move beyond. Basically, women are treated quite poorly in many ways that are yet deemed not only acceptable, but expected.

Reading this as a woman, none of this was a surprise to me. I've experienced or known others who have experienced so many of the same situations, whether in Korea or in the United States. I'd be very curious to see what it was like for a man or someone who doesn't have painful firsthand experience thinks of this.

The writing style is pragmatic and sparse, with no beating around the bush or euphemisms to pretty up the ugly truths within. It's highly effective as it lends the story that feeling that emotions are not distorting what is being said, and these are simply the facts of existence. A reader cannot deny understanding because it is so laid bare.

The citations of sources for facts within the novel were unusual, but punctuated that truth to the problem in an undeniable way. In fact, this all rang so true that I had to double check at the end that it WAS a novel. Even though this particular person is fictional, the experience is all to real.

Jiyoung is likeable and relatable. She is thoughtful and intelligent and a hard worker and still feels trapped by the unchanged societal views. She could be so many women around the world of any age.

The end is bitter yet accurate with the doctor's notes on Jiyoungs story. Though he thinks at length in a self-congratulatory way about how he's enlightened to these problems of women in a way most men are not, he then goes on to show what a farce that is. He STILL has the same negative thoughts and behaviours regarding women and working mothers, wrapping this up with a somewhat depressing tone showing that knowledge does not necessarily equal true change.

"...she knew that something as unjust and frustrating; but Jiyoung had a hard time voicing her complaints because she wasn't used to expressing her thoughts."

Thanks to Goodreads for a free ARC copy from a giveaway in exchange for an honest review! ( )

Pervasive misogyny isn't limited to any one country but this matter-of-fact story provides interesting/enraging insight into how it plays out in the lives of women in South Korea. It easy to see why it was a best-seller there. ( )

I was immediately drawn to the fact that this is a book with strong feminist themes and looks at gender inequality in South Korea with a critical eye. I am intensely drawn to stories like this, and it didn’t disappoint.

It’s translated from Korean, and written in a very matter-of-fact way, with facts and resources interspersed throughout the novel. It tells the story of Kim Jiyoung, born in S. Korea in the early 80s, and it’s separated into sections of different stages of her life. We look at how a young woman is treated by general society.

As an Asian woman who spent much time in Asia, i related all to well to the injustices that were written about. Women constantly being considered “lesser” than men. Women used as literal breeders and having very little power. Families favoring sons over daughters. It’s a society-wide problem and not limited to South Korea.

It’s not a happy read and there is no happy ending. But I found it to be a very eye-opening and sobering read. At 180 or so pages, it’s also quite short. Recommended for anyone who identifies as and/or with feminism and is willing to look at the very real problems with a patriarchal society. ( )

Brutal and true. I've never read anything that does a better job of capturing the relentlessness of the daily microagressions faced by women. Especially those who become mothers. ( )

I have been working embedded in Korean chaebol companies on and off since 1996. In my present company, I personally know about 250 Korean colleagues of which a mere 5 are ladies. These ladies have to be better than their male colleagues just to survive and receive decidedly less in terms of remuneration. Korea has the most misogynistic and gender-biased workplace among all OECD countries.

This shortish novel shines a light on the awful disparity between that society's treatment of boys/girls and then men/women - the survival of their conception, the food they get to eat, the money lavished on them by parents, their educational, work and life opportunities. It is a bit heavy-handed on occasions in making its point but it certainly does have a point to make. ( )

I found this to be an engaging thought provoking novel (blended with statistics and facts) about Korean gender inequality of which many of these inequalities exist in other (most?) parts of the world too, albeit sometimes at a lower but still inappropriate level. ( )

Las cosas no cambian en el curso de una vida ( )

why do men ( )

The story is an interesting take on a female's life in the country of South Korea. But as I kept flipping the pages, I could derive so many similarities and familiarities with the plight of the female child here in India and in the patriarchal families. It gave me a weird feeling that everywhere the status of a woman is almost the same!

The short story or novella as called talks about sex ratio, gender bias, disparities between a female and a male child, the family status and a married woman's life thereafter. The mention and story running around the mental health issues and the root causes are so well written. This story though a work of fiction also serves as the nest example of many people and again to stress, especially about women. ( )

Kim Jiyoung is a young Korean woman who has put her career on hold in order to become a wife and mother. She feels forced into making decisions due to the expectations of her husband, relatives, and Korean society in general. Many of these decisions go against the grain, as they result in her having to gradually give up her independence, career and, ultimately, her control over her own life.

This book is a powerful critique of the patriarchy that pervades Korean culture. It is a bit odd though, as the author pops in an occasional commentary about an aspect of Korean women's experience, backed up by statistics and footnoted with references to research. That feels a bit clunky, but these inclusions are explained in the last few pages, which leads to a trenchantly sardonic ending. ( )

Ugh why do I keep torturing myself with these beautiful books that depict how hard survival is and all the sacrifices you have to make. This was a gorgeous translation. ( )

Wow. I'm always a little nervous going into a book with this much hype surrounding it, but damn. I no longer scoff at claims of this being a modern classic so soon after publishing.

This is a pretty short and concise story of Kim Jiyoung, who is a woman born in 1982 in South Korea. Her story is her own, and her story is the story of every woman (particularly in the South Korean setting, but I'm pretty sure every woman born into a patriarchal society can find a lot to relate to). The book also references actual real world studies periodically, which makes the anger you feel all the more sharp.

Damn but this just packs a punch. It's great, and it's short, so just do yourself the favour of giving it a shot. ( )

This book can be very upsetting, if you had children with a partner who thought their work was over when they left their job for the day, leaving you, the mother who also had a job, to go to work at her second, unpaid job when you got home. I practically had steam coming out of my ears, while reading some parts.
My family is not Asian, but nevertheless, boys were esteemed over girls, just like in Jiyoung's family. I was called a "bad girl," for doing just SOME of the things that my brother did, when we were Young, while he was my mother's darling, all of his life.
I don't know who died and left in charge some assh*ole who decided that women are second-class citizens, and making it so much worse for women who are POC.
Here's some choice parts:
P.48:
" 'yes, me. I do a lot of washing and cleaning around here. I put away laundry when it's dry, And JiYoung helps out, too. There's only one person under this roof who never lifts a finger.'
Eunyoung glared at her brother, and the mother stroked his head.
'he's still a baby.'
'no, he's not! I've been taking care of JiYoung's bags, school supplies, and homework since I was 10. When we were his age, we mopped the floor, hung laundry, and made ramen and fried eggs for ourselves.'
'he's the youngest.'
'you mean he's the son!' "

P.56:
" 'Cabs are worse,' the woman shook her head. 'she must have been scared out of her mind. Console her.'
But that night, jiyoung got an earful from her father. 'why is your cram school so far away? Why do you talk to strangers? Why is your skirt so short?' Jiyoung grew up being told to be cautious, to dress conservatively, to be "ladylike." That it's your job to avoid dangerous places, times of day and people. It's your fault for not noticing and not avoiding.
The mother called the woman and offered to compensate her, a small gift, or even to buy her a cup of coffee or a bag of tangerines, but the woman refused. Jiyoung felt She should thank her, and called her again. The woman said she was glad jiyoumg was fine, and suddenly declared, 'it's not your fault.' There were far too many crazy men in the world, she'd had her share of run-ins with these people, and the problem was with them, not with the women. Hearing this made jiyong cry. Trying to swallow her tears, she couldn't say anything back."

P.93:
"JiYoung's lack of response to his lecture prompted the father to say, 'you just stay out of trouble and get married.'
"That wasn't the worst thing he'd ever said to her, but it was the last straw for jiyoung, who was holding her spoon upright. Jiyoung was attempting to take a deep breath when an ear-splitting crack, like a pickaxe on Rock, rang at the table. Her mother, face Crimson, had sMacked the spoon on the table.
" 'how can you say something so backward in this day and age? Jiyoung, DON'T stay out of trouble. Run wild! Run wild, you hear me?'
Jiyoung quickly nodded emphatically to calm her hysterical mother through genuine assent."

P.100-1:
"the team member couldn't help out with the frequent late nights and weekends as well. Most of her paycheck went to the babysitter, and even then she was always frantically looking for someone to watch her child at short notice, and fighting with her husband over the phone every day. She came into work with her baby one weekend and ended up throwing in the towel. When the subordinate apologized for quitting on her, Kim Eunsil didn't know what to say."

P.130-1:
"the fact that jiyoung saw this coming did not make her feel any less depressed. Daehyun patted her on her slouched back.
" 'we'll get a sitter once in a while when our baby's bigger, and send her to daycare, too,' he said. 'you can use that time to study and look for other work. Think of this as an opportunity to start a new chapter. I'll help you out.'
"Jiyoung knew that Daehyun was being sincerely supportive, but she couldn't hold back her anger.
" 'help out? What is it with you and "helping out?" You're going to "help out" with chores. "help out" with raising our baby. "help out" with finding me a new job. Isn't this your house, too? Your home? Your child? And if I work, don't you spend my pay, too? Why do you keep saying "help out" like you're volunteering to pitch in on someone else's work?'
"Jiyoung felt bad about jumping down his throat after the two of them had done a good job of making a tough decision together. She apologized to her stunned, stuttering husband, and he said, 'no worries.' "

P.134-6:
" 'All your joints become weak after you give birth,' he nodded as if to say, that explains it. 'I can't prescribe any thing too strong if you're breastfeeding. Do you have time to come to physical therapy?'
"Jiyoung shook her head.
" 'try to rest your wrist. No other solution.'
" 'I can't,' Jiyoung sighed quietly. 'I have to look after the baby, do the washing and the cleaning...'
"The doctor chuckled to himself. 'back in the day, women used clubs to do the laundry, lit fires to boil baby clothes, and crawled around to do the sweeping and mopping. Don't you have a washing machine for laundry and a vacuum cleaner for cleaning? Women these days - what have you got to whine about?'
"Dirty laundry doesn't March into the machine by itself, jiyoung thought. The clothes don't wash themselves with detergent and water, March back out when they're done, and hang themselves on clotheslines. The vacuum doesn't roll around with a wet and dry rag, wipe the floor, and wash and dry the rags for you. Have you ever even operated a washing machine or a vacuum cleaner?
"The doctor checked Jiyoung's previous records, said he'd prescribe drugs that are safe for breastfeeding and clicked the computer's mouse a few times. Back in the day, physicians had to go through filing cabinets to find records and write notes and prescriptions by hand. Back in the day, office clerks had to run around the office with paper reports to track down their bosses for their approval. Back in the day, farmers planted by hand and harvested with sickles. What do these people have to whine about these days? No one is insensitive enough to say that. Every field has its technological advances and evolves in the direction that reduces the amount of physical labor required, but people are particularly reluctant to admit that the same is true for domestic labour. Since she became a full-time housewife, she often noticed that there was a polarized attitude regarding domestic labour. Some demeaned it as 'bumming around at home,' while others glorified it as 'work that sustains life,' but none tried to calculate its monetary value. Probably because the moment you put a price on something, someone has to pay."

Btw, I divorced that husband. Since my daughters and I were "ditched" all the time, I figured we'd be better off. And my daughters hopefully wouldn't grow up subconsciously looking for a partner like their father, thinking that was normal. I was so angered and put off by the way women are treated by men, that I decided to leave them off my plate for forever. ❤️ That was 11 years ago, and my only regret is that I didn't make that decision earlier.

This is a book that every parent should read, and Cho Nam-Joo is my hero. ( )

fiction - working mom's personal history, cataloging repeated instances of sexism, discrimination, misogyny, and double standards that she has endured over her lifetime in South Korea (1982-2016) before suffering some kind of mental breakdown at age 35.

a story all too familiar, told in a way that is both unique and refreshing, if (rightfully) infuriatingly. ( )

I adored this book. I found it both unique and familiar, unsettling and yet mundane and commonplace at the same time. Jiyoung, a wife and mother who has just quit her job to stay home with her daughter full time, starts behaving strangely. As if unstuck in her singular identity, she suddenly speaks and acts in the guises of other women -- living and dead, known and unknown to her. What follows is her life, recounted to her male psychologist.

Her life is presented as one very typical of a Korean woman her age, and as an American reader there is certainly another layer added in comparing the society and sexism and customs of Korea and America. Sometimes there are footnotes citing sources of statistics that support Jiyoung's case as being more universal, but I think telling this story in this particular way, rather than a series of essays or a sociological textbook, makes it resonate at a personal level.

Highly recommended. ( )

Let me just say that I agree with the comments about the sometimes clunky translation. I read the blurb just now where it describes the writing as minimalist but somehow I missed the transition from simple story to almost clinical description of the Kim Jiyoung's life. I feel like a more deft translation would have clued me into that better. I kept thinking how weird it was that the story was scattered throughout with citations of stats from entities like the Korean Ministry of Labor. It was not until the end that I realized what was going on and I won't divulge that here to avoid spoilers. I also never read the blurb/description of the story here on Goodreads before reading the book.

That said, there were more than a few light bulb moments for me. I find there are more of these moments reading Korean fiction than say, reading a non-fiction book about the subtleties of Korean culture. My wife and I met in the 1990s in Korea. She is of a slightly older generation of women than the Kim Jiyoung character in this story but the resemblance to my wife's many stories of male sexism is pretty much spot on. From the oldest brother who took over the family when my wife's father died and then permitted no opportunities for higher education beyond high school to the dominance of male management in the companies that she worked for, where women never rose above the position of assistant, the stories are pretty much the same.

This is a story of modern Korea and, while things are changing for the better, it is still a male-dominated culture and it is changing slowly. We go back to visit family every couple of years and we often talk about the idea of moving to Korea after retirement or even vacationing for an extended stay but by the time several days go by, my wife quickly realizes why she just wants to go back home here to Michigan. Culturally, she is just over it and really has no interest in going back to live there and a lot of it has to do with the male-dominated family dynamic for her.

Time, however, will tell. ( )

Took me a little while to get into it but once I did I couldn’t put it down. Women will recognise most of the scenarios played out in the book, hopefully more men will read it and make them stop and think. ( )

Dieses zugegeben recht kurze Buch habe ich an einem einzigen Abend gelesen, so sehr hat mich die Geschichte einer Frau in einer für mich völlig fremden Welt in den Bann gezogen. Wobei die eigentliche Faszination wohl eher darin lag, das die Beschränkungen und Nachteile, die sie aufgrund ihres Geschlechts von klein auf erfährt, einem doch relativ vertraut erscheinen, wenn auch zugegeben in geringerem Maße.

Bereits als Kind lernt die Protagonistin, wie viel wichtiger ihr kleiner Bruder ist. Er hat deutlich mehr Rechte, sie deutlich mehr Pflichten. Diese Ungleichbehandlung zieht sich dann durch Schulzeit, Studium, Arbeitsleben und Familiengründung.

Besonders fasziniert hat mich der Schreibstil der Autorin - sie schafft es immer wieder, Fakten und Zahlen einzustreuen, um klarzustellen, dass es sich bei der Protagonistin nicht um einen Einzelfall handelt, sondern der Sexismus systemimmanent ist - man kann gar nicht anders, man muss hinterfragen, wie es um die eigene Gesellschaft bestellt ist. Und das Ergebnis war mir zwar vorher bereits klar, hat mir deswegen aber nicht besser gefallen. ( )

This is a very odd book. A fictional account of the life of a woman in South Korea from childhood through to her work life and marriage. What makes it unusual is that the story is backed up with facts and figures about the experience of women and girls in the country. There are footnotes aplenty and the book makes a powerful argument against misogyny. As a story though, I found it completely unengaging. ( )

(written August 16, 2020)
Rain in August and a lightning storm to boot. Also we are in the middle of a heatwave. Isn’t 2020 crazy enough already?
But this strange weather gave me the chance to sit down and think more about this interesting book by South Korean author Cho Nam-Joo, translated by Jamie Chang, and originally published in 2016

A story that begins with a 30-something-year-old “everywoman” who’s pressured to leave her job to care for her newborn. She begins to impersonate other women, both alive and dead. And her husband sends her to a psychiatrist.
The book focuses on the gender inequality experienced by Korean women - in their families, in schools, in the workplace, in society.
It’s told in a rather cold third-person voice and this may be a little difficult to get into, but it is a fascinating portrait of the life of this Korean everywoman, following all the sexism she faces, right from a very young age - when Kim Jiyoung is born, her mother even apologizes to her mother-in-law for not having had a boy instead.
It’s a short book but the 176 pages sure pack a punch
( )

As an Asian American, I identified with Jiyoung and her experiences and cultural dilemmas. Perfect, haunting ending.... ( )